Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Comedy.com Links Of The Day

Click it. Do it for Johnny.



The 100 Most Beautiful Women In The World

Can you handle a Monster Hoodie?

31 Retro Board Game Ads

10 Funny Kids Drawings

The "Real" Ghostbusters Invade a NY Library

5 Reasons To Fear Google

Filthy Nursery Rhymes Of The Day (NSFW)




From Andrew "Dice" Clay, and, as you might imagine, are incredibly filthy and misogynistic... and funny as hell. Proceed at your own risk.

Hickory Dickory Dock
My balls fell out of my jock
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb stuck up her ass
It woke up the spider
Who lived deep inside her
He said "Hey, free electric and gas"

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her
Jill said no, and Jack said, so,
I'll ram it in your dumper

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater
Whacked off in the movie theater
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack
The cupboard was bare,
She didn't despair
She let Rover munch on her crack

Jack and Betty, up in a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First comes Betty, then comes Jack
Then comes the goo from Betty's crack

Little Boy Blue --
He needed the money!

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fuckin' whore

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim your bush, it's too damn hairy

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
When she bent over,
And Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored those flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean

Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top
Your mother's a whore,
And I ain't your pop

Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie
He shit pepperoni,
Then blew his friend Tony,
And wiped his mouth on his tie

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Shine upon the parking lot
As I eat my girlfriend's twat

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe
Suck my dick and swallow slow.

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Patty cake, patty cake,
Baker's man
If your chick's on her period
Fuck her in the can

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in her back yard
When she took her panties off
His wooly dick got hard

Craptastic 80s Music Video Of The Day: Angel

Send me an Uzi.

On the other hand, you have to love the whole Gothic-chase-through-the-smoky-forest-on-a-white-horse theme. I've never seen that before. And I love the Eddie Van Halen guitar solo at 2:45.


QOTD: Guilty



What are your guilty pleasures? C'mon, confession is good for the soul.

I talk about mine all the time so you only get two here: I like Styx and sweet (sappy?) kid books/movies like Because Of Winn- Dixie.

Your turn.

Music Video Of The Day: Sing Talk

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.


Bad Hair Trends In Music (Of The Day)

A selection from this article on Blender.com



THE BLEACH JOB

DESCRIPTION: Some did it to stand out, others did it all for the nookie. Whatever the reason, bald men everywhere cried for the abuse of healthy hair follicles. It did, however, make it tremendously easy for Spring Breakers to find their drunken white-mopped friends on a busy dance floor.

CULPRITS: Sugar Ray, Eminem, Fred Durst, Everclear, Goldfinger

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Larry Birkhead




THE HIGH-TOP FADE

DESCRIPTION: The dawn of hip-hop brought the sound of the streets to the mainstream charts, as the MCs of the '80s rose straight to the top. Unfortunately, that was also the blueprint for their hairstyle. Whether you were East Coast, West Coast, gangsta or b-boy, if you weren't rocking the high tower, you were just another sucka.

CULPRITS: Kid 'N Play, De La Soul, Boyz II Men, New Edition, Bell Biv DeVoe

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Guile from Street Fighter




THE BEARD PONYTAIL

DESCRIPTION: When one ponytail ceased to be metal enough in the early 2000s, the rock gods assembled and came upon a solution: braid the next plot of hair down. A new form of head banging followed shortly thereafter. We hope we're not around when the trend lowers on the body.

CULPRITS: System of a Down, Disturbed, Metallica

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Mastodon




THE BOY CUT (WITH HEADBAND)

DESCRIPTION: Just got back from the gym? It doesn't matter. You can capture that true Jazzercise look and feel by simply applying a bandanna to your kindergarten-boy haircut. Both men and women were bonded by this haircut, and it later became a crowd staple at Lilith Fair festivals to come.

CULPRITS: Pat Benatar, Loverboy's Mike Reno

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Ashton Kutcher, Eric Prydz




THE BIG GOTH

DESCRIPTION: Looking like a giant tarantula perched on top of their heads, this disastrous mop is just about as painfully goth as it gets. I suppose anything would be good to detract attention from the lipstick-and-heavy-eyeliner-covered faces of these dark poetry-writing graveyard lurkers.

CULPRITS: The Cure's Robert Smith, Twiggy Ramirez of Marilyn Manson, Bauhaus

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Edward Scissorhands and creator Tim Burton




THE MULLET

DESCRIPTION: Business in front, party in back and white trash all around. This gem of a hairdo has become a major fixation in pop culture, leaving many trailer park tenants feeling cheated and robbed. Hey, it got John Stamos a gig drumming for the Beach Boys didn't it?

CULPRITS: Billy Ray Cyrus, Bono, Michael Bolton and most country music singers

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Dee Snider, country music




THE VEDDER

DESCRIPTION: Many yeti sightings were reported in the greater Seattle area, thanks to this classy combination of grotesquely large sideburns and long unwashed hair. It's a subtle variation of the hippie; the main differentiation was in the substitution of freedom with a universal sense of desolation. On the positive side, shampoo was cool, and sleeping with Winona Ryder was a distinct possibility.

CULPRITS: Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, the Melvins

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Band of Horses, your local 7-Eleven clerk




EMO BED-HEAD

DESCRIPTION: All it takes to look this effortlessly scornful is a few hours, a critical eye and an endorsement from Paul Mitchell. Extra points for spikes that look tragic, porcupiney, and bitchin' on avatars and blog profile pics.

CULPRITS: Pete Wentz, Panic! At the Disco

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Project Runway Season 4 winner, Christian Siriano




THE FAUXHAWK

DESCRIPTION: Finally, something both frat boys and emo kids can agree on—a douche bag haircut moussed to look like a haircut your parents won't let you in the house with. How did something as tough as the Mohawk evolve into something this pitiful? Mr. T is banging his fist in anger somewhere right now.

CULPRITS: Chester of Linkin Park, Kevin Federline, Ryan Seacrest

KEEPING IT ALIVE: Angelina Jolie's son Maddox, David Beckham


See the rest here on Blender.com.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails