Friday, May 7, 2010

Hideous Musical Bastardization (of the day)

One of the most terrible things that ever happened in the world of music is the song 'We Built this City on Rock and Roll' by Starship. How this piece of crap ever evolved from such excellent tunes as White Rabbit and Somebody to Love is beyond me.

I just happened upon this further bastardization of the song. Make your own judgments.

-Lefty


News Story Of The Day: Court Upholds Ruling

I laughed. Yes, I'm 12.

From The Onion.



Court Upholds Freedom Of Speech In Obscenity-Filled Ruling


WASHINGTON—In a decisive and vulgar 7-2 ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court once again upheld the constitution's First Amendment this week, calling the freedom of expression among the most "inalienable and important rights that a motherfucker can have."

"It is the opinion of this court that the right to speak without censorship or fear of intimidation is fundamental to a healthy democracy," Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote for the majority.

"Furthermore, the court finds that the right to say whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want, is not only a founding tenet, but remains essential to the continued success of this nation."

Added Ginsburg, "In short, freedom of speech means the freedom of fucking speech, you ignorant cocksuckers.

"The decision came Monday in response to the case of a Charleston, WV theater troupe that had been sued by city officials for staging a sexually explicit play with public funds. Reversing the 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals' decision, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the theater, an outcome free-speech advocates are calling a victory and Justice Ginsburg called "a bitch-slap in the face of all those uptight limp-dicks."

The ruling in City of Charleston v. The Kanawha Players marks the first time in 220 years that the nation's highest court has taken such a fiercely profane stance.

During oral arguments, Charleston's chief counsel Dan Roy said his clients could restrict any public speech they deemed offensive, an argument quickly dismissed by Justice John Paul Stevens, 90, who turned to his colleagues and made a repeated up-and-down hand motion intended to simulate masturbation.

"I'm beginning to wonder if you really understand what 'abridging the freedom of speech' means at all," said Stevens, a 34-year veteran of the court known for his often-nuanced interpretations of the First Amendment. "I'm also wondering whether you and your fat-faced plaintiffs over there need to have some respect for constitutionally protected expression fucked into your empty hick skulls."

(story continues here)



12 Fun Facts about Boobies (of the Day)

I get most of my news from List of the Day, so I thought today I'd give back and drop some knowledge about one of my favorite subjects: boobs. No need to thank me; it's really my pleasure.

~ Bev

From
Oddee.com

1. The world's biggest fake 'uns are a size 38KKK.


It took her nine surgeries and a gallon of silicone to make this happen. You're welcome.


2. There's a group of women fighting tirelessly for the right to go topless in public.


Gotopless.org is all about women's right to bare their chests like the menfolk do. I've seen the photos from some of the rallies that they organize and, well, let's just say that their supporters could use a little supporting, if you catch my drift.


3. The left breast is usually bigger.


(Peeking down shirt) Maybe usually, but not always.


4. Breasts are the first thing men notice about women.


Duh.


5. Men can lactate, too.


Though it's very rare, with lots of hormonal help men can produce milk. Of course, it tastes like beer and Cheese Doodles, but so be it.


6. English ladies have the biggest racks in Europe.


Over half of the women in Great Britain are a D-cup. I'd say that more than makes up for the whole "bad teeth" and "horrible food" thing the Brits are known for, eh?


List continues
here.

WTF? Commercial Of The Day: Hammer

But it only works if you yell like an idiot every time you hit the ball. He really crushes it at :28.


News Story Of The Day: Woman Attacks Husband After Bad Sex

She's smiling because she knows he's about to get much better in the sack. From The Smoking Gun.


Bad Sex Prompts Scissors Attack

MAY 5--Angered by her common-law husband's poor performance in bed, a Texas woman yesterday allegedly stabbed her mate with a pair of scissors, leading to her arrest for assault.

Michelle Thomas, 26, apparently became enraged when the victim failed to satisfy her sexually, according to a court affidavit sworn by a Hudson Police Department officer.

The man told cops that the 28-year-old man had "become angry with him over a sexual encounter that she was not satisified with," and "began to slash at him with the scissors."

The man, who refused to press charges, suffered superficial cuts to his chest, leg, and hand.

Thomas was arrested for aggravated assault, a felony, and booked into the Angelina County jail, where she posed for the below mug shot.


Classic Music Vid Of The Day: Long Way

Bagpipes. Word. Bon was a Scotsman, after all. Was. RIP, dude.

From Elliott.



Helpful How-To Articles Of The Day

Valuable info here for some of life's most challenging problems. My thanks to Big Lew for the idea, and the brilliant minds at WikiHow for taking the time to educate us all.

How To Breathe

How To Use Toilet Paper

How To Compute An Earth-To-Moon Spacecraft Trajectory

How To Talk Like A Pirate

How To React After Shooting A Home Intruder

How To Be Scene Without Being A Poser

How To Vomit Politely

How To Show People You Aren't A Commie

How To Become A Surgeon

How To Moon Someone

How To Pretend To Be A Girl

How To Help A Friend Know It's OK To Be Themselves

How To Apply Stick Deodorant Correctly

How To Make A Duct Tape Wrist Band

How To Respectfully Decline Sex

How To Play Guitar Like Eddie Van Halen

How To Be Smart

How To Mind Your Own Business

How To Get Hit With A Bat
(Tip: Don't duck)

How To Become A Theoretical Physicist

How To Become A Stereotypical Beatnik

How To Avoid Peeing On The Tampon String

How To Eat More Fruits and Vegetables
(Step 1: Eat more fruits and vegetables)

How To Fart Discreetly (for teens)

How To Dress Like A Rapper

How To Smell Nice

How To Write A Symphony

How To Love Iron Maiden
(Have your ears removed?)

How To Be The Kind Of Girl Rock Songs Are Written About

How To Hide An Erection

How To Fly An Airplane

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