Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Links Of The Day

More yuks for you from Comedy.com. Every click helps me keep this blog going, so please check 'em out. Thanks.


Teletubbies gone wild -- a gallery



Loaded question



Funny Tees

Vid Of The Day: Horse Whip

From The Onion.


11 Worst Places To Be Hungover (Of The Day)

To me, any place is the worst place to be hungover, but Maxim.com considers these more painful than others.

11. MOVING DAY FOR A FRIEND

Dont be hung over while helping a friend move.

Hey, remember that lazy friend of yours who can't get rid of anything? The one who narrowly missed an opportunity to be on Hoarders? Yeah, he's moving this morning. And you promised him months ago that you'd help. And he's barely packed anything. And he has lots of heavy oak furniture, and no dolly. Also, you just puked in his armoire.

8. CHUCK E. CHEESE

You do not want to be hung over at Chuck E. Cheese.

After a Friday night out with the boys, you awaken on Saturday to your girlfriend shaking you violently, hissing, "We're going to be late for my nephew's birthday party! And you promised you'd come if I let you go out last night!" Before you can even say "dumped," you're at a pizza place popularized by a large rodent, with screaming, wall-eyed children running circles around you. At least puking on the floor is an everyday occurrence at this joint.

6. NURSING HOME

Whats more sad than an old person at a nursing home? A hung-over  person.

Yeah yeah, we realize your grandma may not last another week and you'll be wracked with guilt if you cancel your weekend visit, but you're feeling half past dead yourself. Is it really a good idea to spend a day in a confined space with old folks who are already 9/10 of the way there?

2. A PERFORMANCE OF "STOMP"

There are many ways to spend two hours the day after a misguided night of debauchery. Sleeping, doing absolutely nothing, and talking to dinosaurs on the big white telephone spring to mind. Or you could spend 120 minutes listening to people bang trash can lids together. (And cursing whichever asshole relative gave you the $200 tickets as a birthday gift.)

(See the rest on Maxim.com)

Anchor Woman Oops Of The Day

That word... I don't think it means what she thinks it means. Either that or there's something in the cream coffee at Fox 5 News in NYC.

~ Bev




"Mommy, this milk tastes funny!"

20 Products To Traumatize Your Infant

From Todd and Cracked.com. My favorite is the Snot Sucker.



Raising a baby is a tough gig. "Experts" declare at every turn that the wrong decisions on nutrition, napping or enrichment will render your child emotionally barren, homeless, sexually deviant and, worst of all, short. It's no wonder child rearing products are such a huge industry. Here are 20 products perfect for developing little tykes ... into adults who want to murder their parents.

ZAKY INFANT PILLOW



The Zaky Infant Pillow will simulate your touch to soothe your child into rest, provided the baby is accustomed to being palmed by disembodied sausage-fingers.

They are weighted to remain firmly positioned, which is useful to parents who don't want to baby's first memory to be, "The time mommy's massive foreman hands mercilessly pinned me down"

BABY KEEPER



This is a dangerous idea. Not because it looks unstable or poorly constructed, but because its utility is too seductive.

Once the parent realizes how freeing this is, it will never stop with bathroom breaks. Want to vacuum? Slap that squirming bundle of modern art up on a closet door for a few minutes! Not enough room for the groceries and the child safety seat in the car? Use those hooks on the bumper and make an impromptu side car!

SWIMMING NECK RING



This product, previously named My First Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Trainer, appears to be primarily designed to protect the baby's head in the event of shark attack.

O’PAIR BABY LEASH



This is a great way to teach your children "I trust you exactly none." Think of it as a renewed umbilical cord designed to transfer shame instead of nutrients.

Note: this product is NOT recommended for joggers. That's a mistake you'll only make once.

THUDGUARD HELMET



Helmet jokes are too easy and, frankly, a little unfair. Babies learn to walk with a drunken stagger that invariably gravitates towards peril in all directions. A little protection is sensible enough while they are too young to be scarred by it (babies don't develop the shame gland until 18 months).

DADDLE



Sure, you could provide "horsie rides" without it, but then you wouldn't have a baby toy that doubles as an accoutrement for submissive sex play.

Not many kids toys come with the advisory "Don't leave children unattended with this toy. Also never forget your safeword."

HAMBURGER BABY COSTUME



Technically speaking, wouldn't this be a veal costume?

MANUAL SNOT SUCKER



Take the time to fully sterile the equipment before every use. You will also want to budget some time during use for letting the waves of nausea pass when you realize what you're collecting in that straw.

When you feel pressure inserting the tube, stop promptly. If you notice the child cannot move the left side of its body when you apply suction, you've gone too far.

HER FIRST HEELS



Coming soon: Her First Drunken Bar Encounter and Her First Awkward Morning After. Collect all three!

Tart Her Up, LLC. cannot be held accountable for any swing in sexuality associated with putting these on your son.

MAN BOOBS



From the instant any man dons this apparatus he can count on deeper bonding with his child, getting paid 25% less to do the same job as other men, and being grossly objectified for his sweet, sweet ass. On the flipside, he'll probably never have to buy his own drinks again.

BUCKTOOTH PACIFIER



Not only is this unspeakably cute, it comes with additional benefits as well. This gift will encourage random people to point and laugh at your baby, the one individual who isn't in on the joke.

This will help educate your baby on the soul-crushing bleakness that this world will rain upon them through the whole of their painful, pathetic lives. It's a small price to pay to have your baby wook wike a widdle bunny-wabbit! Awwwww!

(See the rest at Cracked.com)

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