From The Onion.
PICKUP TRUCK STOLED
LOGANSPORT, IN—Right out there, right in plain damn sight, a pickup truck got stoled last night out by the Murphy place, sources done reported Thursday.
According to eyewitnesses who seen it parked there, the truck, one of them nice Ford F-150 XLTs with the 4x4 and some real professional-type detail work that probably cost a bundle, was black.
"Everyone knows that's my truck. Why'd someone go and take it?" said owner Dale Hest, 35, the stepson of ol' Otto Murphy. "I just don't get it."
"Had my fishing lures in the backseat, too," Hest added. "The good ones I use for bass."
An investigation on the truck-stealing reportedly got underway real quick, but Logansport police said they ain't got a hint who done it. What with the broke glass all over the ground by where it was, it looks like the window got bust, and officers confirmed the thief might've found the spare key in the glove box and just drove 'er right off.
"Problem is, trucks get stoled all the time," investigator Craig Schwanz said. "And a pretty one like that could look real fine to a guy comin' along who happens to want hisself a truck."
Hest got the pickup with money borrowed to him by his brother-in-law, saying he needed it for his carpentry business, though Hest reportedly could have got a more used truck that was less fancy if he was just gonna fill it full of tools and whatnot.
According to most folks, the guy that took the truck was probably that Jensen boy, which'd figure, on account of he spent time in juvie for stealing cartons of cigarettes down to the Huck's and then selling them to other schoolkids, and he only got out 'cause they couldn't by law keep him no more.
(Story continues at The Onion)