Friday, April 23, 2010

Classic 80s TV Commercials Of the Day: Dunkin' Donuts

This is a classic of commercial comedy. I love the finger over the mustache and the line "No... ma'am". Excellent! Years before Mrs. Doubtfire taught us how to laugh about the transgendered, Michael Vale stumbled into a supermarket to insult their pastries in a falsetto. He's a pioneer... Really.


Vale did over 1,300 commercials before retiring in 1997. He was best known for his work with Dunkin' Donuts. Remember this classic? I feel like I've been on this same treadmill a time or two in my life. You'd have to get sick of the stench of the yeast. You'd be repulsed by smell of the the 5-gallon drum of raspberry spooge they ploot forth into the powdered jelly-filled donuts. It's the weekend. I don't want to think about it.


Thanks for the opportunity to share my feelings about Dunkin' Donuts, Cary!

-Lefty (but you can call me Eric, if you wish)


Classic 80s Music Vid Of The Day: Working

Here's a good one for a Friday. The three best things about this vid:

1. Cowbell
2. Freeze frames
3. Head band
Runner-up: Paul Dean's white-guy 'fro

Happy weekend!



Photos Of The Day: WTF Model Train Exhibit

Yesterday found us at a train exhibit. Not really my sort of thing, but it ended up being pretty cool.


Closer inspection led to a few giggles. This reminded me of "The Sopranos." Couple of mobsters, a meat shop, and a dead body. All the components were there.


Closer inspection revealed that the "mobsters" were actually "two fat guys in white shirts" (thanks, Sam) leaving a pawn shop, after likely trading in their gold for cash.


This being the Midwest, I guess they felt it wouldn't be accurate without a tribute to tornados.


Not sure what is going on this one, or why one guy is shirtless, but I feel like there's a Hot Tub Release Party in the near future.


Found these two guys under a bridge. Dude on the left is having no luck. Finding his head.


Wow. Posting on LOTD is intimidating as all get out. This is my first time (haven't said that in about 20 years) so go easy one me. (That's what she said.)

Thanks, Cary.

~Samsmama

8 Women Who Were Rejected By Playboy

Wait a sec -- the magazine that brought you Tara Reid naked actually turned someone down? Too bad. I was dying to see Shirley Jones in the buff.

Actually, I feel sorry for these ladies because I know how it feels. I did some test shots not long ago for Beer Gutz and just got my rejection letter this week -- not quite fat enough, they said. So I went out and bought one of these. Give me a month and I'll be ready.

Article and celeb pics from The Frisky. Gravy dispenser pic from Jennifer-Dove.



KATE GOSSELIN has had some tough blows this year and Hugh Hefner recently dealt her another one. When asked if there was any possibility that Momzilla would grace the glossy covers of Playboy, Hef said, “No! No!” And added insult to injury by suggesting he doesn’t even know why she’s on “Dancing With the Stars.” He explained, “I don’t think she’s a celebrity.”

That’s the second Gosselin rejected from the porno business and it’s gotta hurt to hear that no one wants to check out your goody basket. Don’t worry, Kate, you’re not the only celebrity to fall short of Hef’s stringent standards. Here are some others who were told to “keep it on.”

KELLY OSBOURNE

Way back in 2006, Kelly Osbourne expressed interest in taking it off for Playboy but said her “tits would need some airbrushing.” In response, Hugh Hefner said, “I can’t see it happening somehow; we don’t airbrush to that extent.” Jeez Hef, grow some tact! I wonder if Hef is bummed now that Kelly is thinned, tanned, and more Playboy‘s speed?

BRITNEY SPEARS

Britney Spears wasn’t exactly rejected, but she was put on the cooler until she stopped acting so nutty. Playboy reps said, “Hef has said that he is more than happy to feature Britney in the magazine once she can put herself back on the road to recovery.” Really? You’re asking her to get her act together and then pose naked? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

SHIRLEY JONES

Shirley Jones, who played the mom on “The Partridge Family,” might be 75 years old, but that didn’t stop her from posing for some sexy test shots, featuring legs and cleave. But Hefner rejected the pictures, apparently because he “expected more nudity” from the actress. I think at 75, if the biggest insult Hugh Hefner can give you is that he wants to see more of you naked, you’ve totally won.

(See the rest at The Frisky.)

Drunk Concert-Goer Of The Day

Hey man, flip flops are tricky. Maybe next time he goes to Coachella he should consider some sort of mandal with straps.




PS) It's my first time posting here. Please be gentle!

Bev


10 Lame-O Movie Robots Of The Day

Not all movie robots are created equal. There's Transformers, and then there's these douchebags.

From Maxim.com


THE FIX-ITS in BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

The thing we love most about robots is their ability to kill efficiently and without remorse, which is why we hate the Fix-Its so friggin' much. When alien robots come down from space, they're supposed to unleash devastating mechanical fury upon the earth, not shack up with Jessica Tandy and fix toasters.


JOHNNY 5 in SHORT CIRCUIT

With his stupid voice, terrible one-liners, and arms like a mutant T-rex, Johnny 5 is easily the crappiest robot in movie history. This movie is fun to watch when you're 5, but after that the only redeeming qualities are the scene where Johnny bleeds oil after getting the crap kicked out of him and Fisher Stevens' laughably racist Indian accent.


C-3PO in STAR WARS

George Lucas created a heap of innovative movie robots, but this piss-colored rust bucket is easily the second most annoying character in the Star Wars universe. (He's not quite lame enough to dethrone Jar Jar, but it's close.) Why would something that's fluent "in over 6 million forms of communication" need to use a voice described on Wikipedia as that of a "prissy, high-strung butler"?


HALEY JOEL ANDROID in A.I.

A.I. is two and a half hours of (more) proof that Steven Spielberg is better at adopting children than creating robots. We can just hear him saying, "I want to make a movie about a robot that has no lasers of any kind, but does a lot of moping and whining. People are definitely going to love that."


MATT LEBLANC in LOST IN SPACE

They never actually come out and say that LeBlanc is a robot in this movie, but with his wooden delivery, vapid expressions, and complete lack of human emotion, it's hard to think otherwise. Apparently there's another pretty crappy 'bot in this flick as well, but we were too busy yelling, "Look, it's Joey!" to notice.


D.A.R.Y.L. in D.A.R.Y.L.

Data Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeform might have the lamest acronym we have ever heard. We give it credit for having "robot" in there, but the words "data analyzing" would fit better on some dork's résumé than in a movie title.


ROBO-GRANNY in THE ELECTRIC GRANDMOTHER

The Electric Grandmother — based on a Ray Bradbury short story — is a kid-friendly movie from 1982 in which a family replaces their dead grandma with a highly customizable mechanical version. It might sound a little morbid, but it teaches kids the valuable lesson that even the most beloved family member can easily be replaced with an expensive piece of electronics.


PAULIE'S ROBOT BUTLER in ROCKY IV

Not a day goes by where we don't dream of having our very own automated butler to dispense drinks, play music, and scare the hell out of our pets. But if we're going to shell out the big bucks, we'd want something a lot cooler looking than the hunk of junk they have in Rocky IV.


ANDREW MARTIN in BICENTENNIAL MAN

You can dress up Robin Williams however you want, but underneath he's still going to be the same hairy, annoying guy that hasn't shut the fuck up for the past 30 years. Plus, the story is about a robot that turns into a person, which may have been innovative when Isaac Asimov wrote his short story, but now it's about as fresh as a seagull's breath. (They eat garbage and don't floss.)


EVE in EVE OF DESTRUCTION

Ah government, when will you learn not to build highly dangerous androids equipped with nuclear bombs? By now you guys should know that it's definitely going to escape and raise hell all over the place. Then you have to call up Gregory Hines and convince him to go and capture it… It's all a big pain in the ass. Plus, it makes for a craphole movie. So do yourselves a favor, next time just build something more practical like a tank or a Taco Bell closer to our office.

Test Of The Day: What Kind of Wife Are You?

Hello! Daisy here. Cary has invited me and a few other readers to occasionally contribute a post to List Of The Day. This is my first attempt. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you, Cary, for the invitation.



A copy of Look Magazine, dated April 2, 1946, came into my possession recently. In it I found a quiz titled "What Kind of Wife Are You?" with 36 questions to help you determine if you are a good wife. The "right" answer to each is supposed to be option #3.

Here are ten of the questions I found most amusing. I added my own answer after each.



When my husband phones at the last minute and says he's bringing guests for dinner:

1. I try to get him to cancel the invitation.
2. I do the best I can, but I really don't like sudden parties.
3. I expect the guests to take pot luck, but I accept the situation as a challenge and enjoy myself.

If my husband is phoning home on his way from work, he's going to be calling an empty house, because he gets home before I do. If he is bringing dinner guests home with him, he better bring a pizza along too.

I fix my hair and make up before breakfast:

1. Rarely; I don't have the time.
2. Most of the time.
3. Practically always.

HA HA HA! Why would I do that? He just saw me two minutes ago upstairs with bed head and wearing my frumpy pajamas.

Concerning my household budget, I find:

1. In these times it's impossible to keep within it.
2. I never run over it.
3. I run over one month and make it up another month.

"My" household budget? Shouldn't it be "our" household budget? Shouldn't both my husband and I be responsible for how the money is handled?



I believe it best for a woman to take a passive attitude in sex relations:

1. Yes, since I would prefer none at all but I accede to my husband's desires.

2. Yes, since by nature woman is after all the passive partner.
3. No; sex relations are now necessary to me; I can't be passive.

Answer #1--Seriously??? Who prefers none at all? What kind of a sad relationship that must be! Answers #2 and #3--Hogwash! Women, like men, are both passive and aggressive in sex.

When my husband comes home:

1. I let him know that I am just as tired as he is.
2. I am tired but try to hide it.
3. I try to be as fresh as possible by resting during the day whenever I can.

I don't need to "let him know" that I'm as tired as he is. He already knows that. He knows we both work hard, and at the end of the day we are both tired. Neither of us tries to hide it.

Concerning my appearance at dinnertime each night:

1. Since my husband never notices me, there's no point in making a special effort to look well.
2. When I have time, I make an effort to look well.
3. I always "fix up."

Just like the breakfast question, why do I have to "fix up" just to share a meal with my husband? If we were dining out for a special occasion, maybe, but sharing meat loaf and mashed potatoes at home doesn't require lipstick and high heels on my part.



As for my husband's hobbies:

1. I feel resentful because they take up time we might spend together.
2. I am tolerant of them but not really interested.
3. I have learned to be interested in them.

All of the above. We aren't joined at the hip. We don't have to do everything together. We each have our own interests. Some of our interests we share and some of them we don't.

While cooking during the last year, I have cut or burned myself:

1. Frequently
2. Occasionally
3. Almost never

Pfft! I refused to even answer this question due to the fact that I thought it was incredibly stupid! What does this question have to do with being a good wife?

When I am not feeling well:

1. I expect my husband to put up with my bad temper or depression and be nice to me.
2. I try to be cheerful and conceal the way I feel from my husband.
3. I tell my husband how I feel and, without whining or complaining, try to carry on as well as I can under the circumstances.

I do expect him to make an extra effort to be nice to me and take care of me. I do try to be cheerful in spite of how I'm feeling, and I do try to carry on as well as I can. I expect the same behavior from him when he is feeling ill. We both fail miserably at times.

As I prepare meals, I find that I have forgotten to buy something:

1. Frequently; it's just too difficult to keep track of all I need.
2. Fairly often; but I am improving in this respect.
3. Seldom; I have a system that works most of the time.

I find this question outright annoying. It assumes that the wife does all the cooking, meal planning, and grocery shopping. Both husband and wife are perfectly capable of these tasks. Besides, if I find something missing that I had planned on using for a meal, it's because one of my sons ate it.

After taking the test, I have to admit I failed as a "good wife" according to that writer's standards. So does that mean I'm NOT a good wife? To be truthful, I think some days I am and some days I'm not. If you really want to know, you could ask my husband. We've been married for 24 years, so I guess he's had enough time to decide by now.


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