Thursday, March 4, 2010
Oscar version. Your guess is as good as mine. No, your guess is better than mine, because I don't know all the nominees. From Popbitch.
- Which nominee is known for klepto tendencies on some film sets?
- Which nominee is less gay than you'd think? They annoyed their London hotel minders by inviting a different girl to their suite (and sometimes more than one) on a film junket.
- Which nominee's plastic surgery is the subject of much laughter at this week's pre-Oscar parties?
- Which nominee spent part of the 90s as a smacked-out recluse, enjoying heroin-fuelled threesomes with a film director and actress?
A great idea from Amy H.
Yo momma so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her
Yo momma so fat, she wakes up in sections
Yo momma got a glass eye with a fish in it
Yo momma so old, she owes Jesus three bucks
Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"
Yo momma's glasses so thick, when she looks at a map she can see people waving.
Yo momma so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers
Yo momma's teeth so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice
Yo momma so ugly, she could scare the flies off a shit wagon
Yo momma so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur
Yo momma so greasy, her freckles slipped off
Yo momma so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp
Yo Momma so fat, when she sat on a quarter, she squeezed a booger outta George Washington's nose
Yo momma so ugly, her pillow cries at night
Yo momma so hairy, she has dreadlocks on her back
Yo momma so fat, her belly button has an echo
Yo momma so ugly, I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing it back"
Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Yo momma so dirty, she sat in the tub and all the water jumped out
Yo momma so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth
Yo momma so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out
Yo momma so ugly, she makes blind children cry
Yo momma's teeth so crooked, it looks like her tongue is in jail
Yo momma so fat, that when she wears high heels, she strikes oil
Yo momma so ugly, she has to creep up on her makeup
Yo momma so skinny, she only has one stripe on her pajamas
Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, she can butter a whole loaf of bread
Yo mamma so old, her social security number is 1
Yo mamma so fat, when she hauls ass she has to make three trips
Yo momma so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks
Yo momma so poor, burglars break in her house and leave money
Yo momma so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop
Yo momma so ugly, the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it
Yo momma so fat, she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "
Huh. I never realized Eddie was a "cornerstone" of rock and pop. A brick in the wall, maybe, but not a cornerstone. I'm surprised they gave him a solo show. They usually lump these 2-3-hit wonders in with other 2-3-hit wonders. I could see an Eddie Money/Robin Trower/Ozark Mountain Daredevils/Maria Muldaur lineup. Even stranger: Wild Bill's is a country line-dancing kinda place. I bet it's hard to line-dance to "Two Tickets To Paradise" (a title that always makes me think of the phrase, "two pickets to Tittsburgh.")
Here's some Ed for ya. Looks like he didn't sell any tickets for his last show, which is why they are giving them away for free this time. I kinda like this song, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, because I bet Smama, Bev and Wendy do, too. The woman is Ronnie Spector, ex-wife of Phil and lead singer of 60s girl-band, The Ronettes. I like her quirky voice.
One of my favorite kid stories comes from my friend, James, who has kindly allowed me to retell it here for your amusement.
A few years ago, when James' daughter Barbara was 5 or 6, the two of them were grocery shopping. They stopped at the meat case to see what was fresh for the day. At the same time, one of the meat clerks, an older woman, was restocking another section. She saw them and came over to see if they needed help.
When she saw Barbara, who has always been adorable, the woman complimented her.
"I love your outfit," she said. "You're such a pretty little girl."
A bit shy, and like most kids her age in that situation, Barbara didn't quite know how to reply. James said she sort of hid her face behind him, embarrassed.
"Oh, she's shy," the woman said. "That's ok, honey."
James thanked the woman, who headed back to her restocking. But Barbara knew she was supposed to reply when someone pays you a compliment, and James could tell she was trying to think of something nice to say.
Then, it came to her, and Barbara called out to the woman.
"I like your mustache."