News Of The Day: Rebuttal

From The Borowitz Report.

February 19, 2010

'He Does Not Speak For Me,' Says Furious Member

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL (The Borowitz Report) – Just minutes after Tiger Woods vowed to lead a life of decency and integrity, the golf legend’s penis issued a furious rebuttal.

“Let’s make one thing very clear,” Mr. Woods’ penis told a select group of reporters. “Tiger Woods does not speak for me.”

Mr. Woods’ penis sought to draw a clear distinction between his plans and those of the PGA champion, particularly concerning their futures on the golf tour.

“Tiger has said he is not returning to the tour,” Mr. Woods’ penis said. “I am here to say that Little Tiger is definitely putting it out there.”

Reaction to the statement by Mr. Woods’ penis was mixed.

“The world needs to forget about everything else and focus on the Tiger Woods scandal,” said the chairman of Toyota.

More here.

WTF Tramp Stamps Of The Day

Putting the ass in class.


Keep eating there and watch that M's gonna be a straight line soon.


Clearly.


That's just creepy.


"She's like the village bicycle. Everyone's had a ride!"


"When you wish upon a crack..."


Klassy.


"How dare you call me a 'whore'!"


How about my foot instead?


I refuse to make a joke about corn in poop.


Yes, it's temporary, but still.. WTF?




Klassy.






And your mother loves that tattoo, I'm sure


Her ass loves the meat.


You might be a redneck if...


Klassy.

WTF? Commercial Of The Day: Cat

It's from Japan. Don't try to make sense of it. Just enjoy the funny pictures.

Unfortunately Named People Of The Day (update)

A few weeks back I ran a post on people with funny names. Here's a few more, and they all work the same company. I'd love to work the paging system in that office.

Click for larger view.

TV Renewal Scorecard Of The Day

From EW.com. The news is looking bad for you Melrose Place fans. But then, if you watch Melrose Place, you have bigger problems than the show getting cancelled.

ABC
The Bachelor: A sure thing.
Better Off Ted: A long shot.
Brothers & Sisters: A sure thing.
Castle: A sure thing.
Cougar Town: Already renewed.
Dancing with the Stars: A sure thing.
The Deep End: A long shot.
Desperate Housewives: A sure thing.
FlashForward: Could go either way.
The Forgotten: A long shot.
Grey’s Anatomy: A sure thing.
Hank: Already canceled.
Lost: Series finale airs May 23.
The Middle: Already renewed
Modern Family: Already renewed
Private Practice: A sure thing.
Scrubs: A long shot.
Ugly Betty: Already canceled. Series finale airs April 14.
V: Could go either way.

CBS
Accidentally on Purpose: Could go either way.
The Amazing Race: Already renewed.
The Big Bang Theory: Already renewed.
Cold Case: A long shot.
Criminal Minds: A sure thing.
CSI: A sure thing.
CSI: Miami: A sure thing.
CSI: NY: A safe bet.
Gary Unmarried: A safe bet.
Ghost Whisperer: A safe bet.
The Good Wife: Already renewed.
How I Met Your Mother: Already renewed
Medium: Could go either way
The Mentalist: A sure thing.
NCIS: A sure thing
NCIS: Los Angeles: Already renewed.
New Adventures of Old Christine: Could go either way.
Numb3rs: A long shot.
Rules of Engagement: Could go either way.
Survivor: Already renewed.
Three Rivers: Already canceled.
Two and a Half Men: Already renewed.

FOX
24: Could go either way.
Brothers: A long shot.
American Dad: Already renewed.
American Idol: A sure thing.
Bones: Already renewed.
The Cleveland Show: Already renewed.
Dollhouse: Already canceled.
Family Guy: Already renewed.
Fringe: A safe bet.
Glee: Already renewed.
House: A sure thing.
Human Target: Could go either way.
Lie to Me: A safe bet.
Past Life: A long shot.
The Simpsons: Already renewed.
‘Til Death: Could go either way.

NBC
30 Rock: A sure thing.
The Biggest Loser: A sure thing.
Celebrity Apprentice: A safe bet.
Chuck: A safe bet.
Community: A sure thing.
Friday Night Lights: Already renewed for fifth and final season.
Heroes: Could go either way.
Law & Order: Already renewed.
Law & Order: SVU: A sure thing.
Mercy: Could go either way.
The Office: A sure thing.
Parks and Recreation: Already renewed
Trauma: A long shot.

THE CW
90210: A sure thing. Officially renewed.
America’s Next Top Model: A sure thing. Officially renewed.
Gossip Girl: A sure thing. Officially renewed.
Life Unexpected: Could go either way.
Melrose Place: A long shot.
One Tree Hill: Could go either way.
Smallville: A sure thing.
Supernatural: A sure thing. Officially renewed.
The Vampire Diaries: A sure thing. Officially renewed.