Wednesday, January 6, 2010

21 Products Featuring Disembodied Boobs (NSFW)

Whoa. Ok. I'm a perv and all, but even I don't sit around thinking up crap like this. I like my boobs attached to a woman. On the other hand, these would make great gifts at your next office holiday party, that is, if you're trying to get fired for sexual harassment.

STRESS BOOBS

Yes, these will make you popular with the opposite sex. Get used to squeezing the hell out of them, then try the same thing on your woman's, preferably around her time of the month. Then, if you're still alive, send us a photo of your ass with her boot sticking out of it.

VIBRATING BOOB HAND MASSAGER

So lifelike.

FUZZY BOOBS

Real boobs should never be fuzzy. Pluck those things! Perfect for the guy who already has naked lady mud flaps.

BOOB CUSHION

The real things make a better cushion.

BOOB NOTES

There's one guy in every office who would have these. It's the same guy who always tells you how nice you look today while he pictures you naked.

BOOB RADIO

Easy with dem tuner knobs, chief.

BOOB EGG FRYER

Unnecessary. Fried eggs already look like boobs.

BOOB PASTA

After it's cooked, it looks like your grandma's boobs.

BOOB REMOTE CONTROL

I like the buttons under the bikini bottom. It's like a Fembot's crotch.

BOOB SALT & PEPPER SHAKERS

This makes sense.

BOOB MOUSE

I'm not touching that thing.

BOOB CANDLE

Ouch.

BOOB WASHCLOTH

So guys can spend even more time washing their junk.

BOOB SLIPPERS

I've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve, but never your tits on your feet.

BOOB SHOWER GEL DISPENSER

Because gel-oozing breasts are so sexy. Every time you use them, it'll be like your lady's silicone implant is leaking.

BOOB LAMP

Looks more like an ass with a couple of hemhorroids.

BOOB CAKE PAN

The best part of this is the label.

BOOB CAP

It really only works if your friend has one, too, and you walk side by side.

BOOB BEANBAG CHAIR

See, Justin Timberlake has one.

BOOB BEER TOPPER

Or a penis topper, if you're feeling like a dick.

BOOB BLINDFOLD

If I ever end up in front of a firing squad, I want these. They'll be laughing too hard to shoot.

Quiz Of The Day: What Type Are You?

Try it. Only takes a minute. Don't use your real name if you don't want it displayed on a list of people with your same result. The password is character.

Click the pic to start.



I didn't really like my result. Do you like yours?


Crimefighter Of The Day (video)

Crime FAIL! From eGuiders, who explain:


Right before this video starts, two thieves on a motor bike have just stolen a purse from a woman, and are speeding away. Enter Bike Guy. He sees this. Stops. Waits calmly. And when the thieves speed by him, he flings his bicycle right into their purse-nabbing helmets, knocking them off their scooter into a beauty of a wipe out. Bike Guy briefly distracts the dazed muggers, then runs, as other witnesses start to crowd around and fill the street. The action has been lovingly looped with a fairly obvious music choice.




December Engrish Roundup

All your stereotypes are belong to me.


No, for the last goddamn time, we don't have any Twilight books.


Served in a skin flute


Okay


I had a Nokia phone. Poopie is right.


Who wants some fresh hot scorn? I've got homemade ire jam to go with it.


Yeah, ya knockhead. Watch where you're going.


Let's not and say we did.


And that's what frightens me.


Formerly Frederick's Of Hollywood


It's what she puked all over him at the revolving restaurant


It wasn't half bad, actually. I'll eat anything deep fried.


Quiet! Boners in progress.


Doesn't look like that'll be a problem.


I'm pretty sure giraffes don't do that kind of thing. At least I choose to believe that.


Go, Dog, go!


It's a deep bitch, with shades of light shrew and a bit of virago


Then boink all hotty.


Bee puke and prunes? You'd better order several of those tissues. And a Sunkist to wash it down.


There's such a thing as too much truth in advertising



Classic 80s Music Video Of The Day: TBOT

This was my senior class theme back in '82, which was appropriate, since the best of times began shortly after high school was finally fucking over. Gah!

On a brighter note, do these guys have great hair or what? I can't decide which I like best, Dennis' mini-fro or Tommy's page-boy-with-bowl-cut-bangs. Around the time this song was popular, my sister subscribed to Tiger Beat or Teen Beat
or one of those, and, in a survey of the magazine's readers, Styx was the most popular answer to the question, "What band would you love to play at your wedding?" Hopefully some of those respondents are still unmarried, because they can get their wish now.


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