Monday, December 20, 2010

Unfortunate Holiday Cards Of The Day

Dignity. Look into it.

Some of these are from last year, some are new. Some of these folks are being intentionally goofy. At least we hope they are.


Baby Lefty was never the same after that terrifying first Christmas.


This is his profile shot on Match.com, too. And he wonders why no one ever responds.


You'd think with those glasses she could see how goddamn stupid they look.


We three queens...


Check out this White Sox mannequin we stole from the MLB shop.


Maybe this is considered normal on their home planet.


Remembering the children Dad ate this year.


Five bucks doesn't buy what it used to.


Whatever they were going for, it didn't work.


FEE FI FO FED!! What do you think of my huge fucking head?


There's Vin Diesel again.


Dad thought the cigar would make him look less enchanted. It didn't.


We are witnessing the very moment Mr. Muggins vowed to kill his owner while he slept.


It took all four arms to cover up those pregboobs. But I'm glad they did.


The last three American virgins.


Weird, this is. Fail, you did.


The photo that inspired the holiday hit, "The Christmas Moobs."


Happy Holidays from the NRA, Jr.


Screech dropped by so we all got completely baked and took a photo.


"O come all ye faithful/But put some fucking clothes on..."


What dog is this...


Word.


Please be kidding. Please.


Wow. Buzzkill.


This makes sense.


The Dork Store called...


Now that we have your attention..he heh... let's talk about what you'll be getting us for Christmas.


When Santa runs out of coal, bad kids get Leonard under the tree. The really bad ones get Leonard in dirty socks and underwear.


Uncle Lamar is all ready for his Christmas threesome.

18 comments:

  1. The Baby Jesus dog in "What dog is this..." looks terrified. He must be thinking a lightning will strike him right into doggy heaven and then be sent down for blasphemy.

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  2. JesusMaryandJoseph, these are hilarious! The "fig leaf" family obviously forgot to "don their gay apparel!"

    I'm still laughing at the "enchanted family." WTH? I'm pretty sure "Leonard" is my Uncle Rex. Like 99%.

    The captions are STELLAR, Cary. :D

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  3. OMG. You have outdone yourselves. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!

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  4. Thanks, Cary! I'll just print these out and send them.

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  5. I think you left out the word "least."

    Poor Baby Lefty. I hope they are pretending to take him out of the box like a present, and aren't about to bury him alive. "What's in the boooox?"

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  6. This officially ranks as my favorite holiday-themed post! Like Kelly, I am laughing so hard my ribs hurt and I'm crying. You really did outdo yourself with the captions, Cary!

    Frank, I think you might be on to something here...

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  7. And people wonder why we don't send out Christmas cards. It's my fear that they might be bad enough to end up here.

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  8. Picture #3... she's holding a goat? As if they didn't already look odd enough.

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  9. AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my goodness! These are so funny. Fantastic job, Cary!

    I love the expression on the face of Mr. Muggins. The animals are smart enough to see how wrong these are. Too bad their owners can't see it.

    Frank, is that you in the one captioned, "This makes sense."? ;)

    Leonard under the tree--that's just plain scary! Yikes!

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  10. Good eye, Daisy!

    I'm trying to figure out who Hammish and Mon are. The cats on his sweater, maybe?

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  11. The Vin Diesel guy looks like he swallowed a handful of shrooms about a half hour before the photo shoot.

    And is it just me or does the mom in the "fig leaf photo" have a much bigger leaf than the dad?

    What's going on there?

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  12. No, not Leonard! I'll be good, I promise! He always smells of Vitalis and Blue Star Ointment! Pleeeeeeeeeeeaase!

    We're starting to get a plethora of Christmas cards already, and whilst the pictures haven't been bad, the letters included with them have been ridiculous. It's always the one-upmanship that makes me want to throw them straight onto the fire. Maybe you should do an entry about those wretched things...!

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  13. I laughed at ALL of these! Loved the Three Queens. LOL

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  14. I just had to scroll down...didn't I?

    More freaking clowns! Poor baby Lefty...and more nightmares for me.

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  15. Sorry I haven't posted until now.
    A. I've been very busy at work.
    2. I saw the first picture and had to roll into a fetal ball for 24 hours. (how did you find that photo?!! Mother said she'd never share it!!!)

    After my fetal ball-fest, I managed to see the rest and LOVE 'em. It's getting to be a little bit late to redo our xmas cards. Next year...

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  16. Oh...dear...God...PLEASE tell me the one of the family with the fig leaves is photoshopped. Please. I'm really not joking, Cary. Huh? Puh-lease?

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  17. And I thought our Christmas photo this year was a little inappropriate! LOL!

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  18. These were all just great! The hard part will be deciding which one to print out and glue my own face onto.

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