Friday, December 17, 2010

Hideous Christmas Sweaters Of The Day

Someone paid money for these.

The snowman tried to hide before the photo was taken, but he wasn't quick enough.

Benny traded his bite stick and bus helmet for this sweater.

Grandma hated to waste anything, so when she ended up with three extra Santa heads, she stuck one on the arm and two on the back.

It looks like he horked down the front of his shirt.

The Playboy Christmas sweater. Because the birth of Jesus and porno mags go great together.

WTF? She looks like a Christmas suicide bomber. How does she stand up straight with all that shit on there? Oh, I know -- she has an anvil hanging from her back.

If you're wondering who gave Mom the Scotty Christmas vest, I'm guessing it's the guy with the mullet on the shelf back there.

Fuckin' teenagers. They never appreciate nice gifts.

The best thing about this sweater on eBay...

... is that it came with this super-sexy track suit.

She's checking for a heartbeat, because most guys wouldn't be caught dead in that thing.

If I had this vest, I'd wear it just like this -- with nothing under it. I might not even wear pants. But I would wear a top hat. And maybe a little one on my penis, too.

The Rorschach Sweater. Most patients say it looks like someone lost a snowball fight.

Did this come from the Mount Vernon gift shop? It looks like George and Martha Washington Snowman.

What, you thought only Americans had crappy taste?

I bet Coca-Cola makes its employees wear this to work.

This one looks like an afterthought. Someone was tired of the powder blue V-neck so she just stuck a bunch of Christmas shit on it.

Now we know where beads go to die.

She got just back from Sgt. Pepper auditions, but I don't know what the fuck he's thinking.

Sid The Surfin' Jew shows off a gift from a fan

Jerry got dibs on the Christmas sweater, so Maggie got stuck wearing the tablecloth.

Who wants to play Menorah Invaders?


  1. At least the sleeves on the fuckin' teenager's sweater are short, so that he has easy access when it comes to slitting his wrists.

  2. Prairie Girl says:

    I find it ironic that there is a knit image of an ugly sweater on the ugly French sweater, what, one wasn't enough, they had to go for a twofer?

  3. Hi, my name is RichGirlRed and it's been 10 years since I wore a Christmas sweater. I get a chip this year! Go me!

    Gotta love aversion therapy. Thanks, Cary!

  4. Those are all horrible, but I think the suicide bomber sweater is the most disturbing.

  5. You can't really blame the snowman in the first one for trying to hide. HA! Great captions, Cary.

    I don't know how the Christmas suicide bomber moves around without being poked by some of the stuff on her sweater.

    A Christmas vest and two top hats--that would be quite a fashion statement! Make sure you post some pictures! :-D

  6. If you think that French sweater has ever made contact with a Gallic chest, you're patently insane. That's clearly created solely to be sold to tourists.

  7. Since the lights are lit I'm guessing the Xmas Bomber is plugged in. And for some weird reason she looks like she works in a bank.

  8. Sid The Surfin' Jew...*snort*

    Menorah Invaders FTW. Great captions!

  9. Is that a women's sweater there on Jerry?? It looks like it has shoulder pads FFS!

    The teenager and the Menorah Invaders totally made me laugh.

  10. Oh dear lord. And here I thought "teacher sweaters" were the worst... these trump!! Thanks for the wonderful laughter this evening!

  11. I don't know what's wrong with you all. I'd proudly wear any of those jumpers any time. Except the blue ones...not really my colour.

  12. Jerry's mustache looks like a black gummi worm stuck to his upper lip. The teenager is perfect. Sadly, I missed my opportunity to tormet my niece and nephew with hideous Christmas sweaters when they were teenagers. Guess I can still get drunk and hit on the Best Man at their weddings...

  13. Oh, that poor teenager. I think some of those other folks are equally embarrassed, just covering it better. Love the cutlines.



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