Whoa. Ok. I'm a perv and all, but even I don't sit around thinking up crap like this. I like my boobs attached to a woman. On the other hand, these would make great gifts at your next office holiday party, that is, if you're trying to get fired for sexual harassment.
Yes, these will make you popular with the opposite sex. Get used to squeezing the hell out of them, then try the same thing on your woman's, preferably around her time of the month. Then, if you're still alive, send us a photo of your ass with her boot sticking out of it.
VIBRATING BOOB HAND MASSAGER
Real boobs should never be fuzzy. Pluck those things! Perfect for the guy who already has naked lady mud flaps.
Pointless. The real things work much better.
There's one guy in every office who would have these. It's the same guy who always tells you how nice you look today while he pictures you naked.
Come in, Rangoon. Rangoon, do you read me?
BOOB EGG FRYER
Unnecessary. Fried eggs already look like boobs.
After it's cooked, it looks like your grandma's boobs.
BOOB REMOTE CONTROL
I like the buttons under the bikini bottom. It's like a Fembot's crotch.
BOOB SALT & PEPPER SHAKERS
These makes sense.
I'm not touching that thing.
So guys can spend even more time washing their junk.
I've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve, but never your tits on your feet.
BOOB SHOWER GEL DISPENSER
Because gel-oozing breasts are so sexy. Every time you use them, it'll be like your lady's silicone implant is leaking.
Looks more like an ass with a couple of hemorrhoids.
BOOB CAKE PAN
The best part of this is the label. Why is the chef embarrassed? He made the damn thing.
Expect more bogarting.
It really only works if your friend has one, too, and you walk side by side.
BOOB BEANBAG CHAIR
See, Justin Timberlake has one.
BOOB BEER TOPPER
Or a penis topper, if you prefer. Either way you're a dick.
If I ever end up in front of a firing squad, I want these. They'll be laughing too hard to shoot.