Wednesday, July 28, 2010

7 Types Of Cleavage (Of The Day) (NSFW-ish)

How do I love thee, cleavage? Let me count the ways. Actually, The Frisky counted the ways, but toe, back and elbow cleavage don't count, so their 10 becomes seven here.

CLASSIC CLEAVE

A low-cut top + a push-up bra = magically hypnotizing boobage. Feast your eyes on those bad boys! But be careful not to wave them in front of a baby or they’ll take the feast part of that expression literally … especially if you rack it up like Salma Hayek.

SIDE BOOB

Visible thanks to large arm holes, no shirt, or string bikinis and popularized by models like Crystal Renn and celebuskanks like Lindsay Lohan, the side boob is a rare, celebrated form of cleave. It takes a skinny beyotch with big cans and a bad attitude to pull it off.

UNDER-BOOB

The underdog of cleavage, it bares the seldom seen bottom half of your usual rack. This cleave is more about bralessness than creating a valley of knockers. Under-boob was first brought into the light by ‘80s crops tops. Ah, those were the days! Or were they?

PUDDLE O'BOOB

Like muffin top and back boobies, this titillation comes from ill-fitting clothing. It’s the cleavage that is merely over-spillage caused by a too-tight bra. Her cup runneth over, hence she has a bit o’ boob popping.

SITUATIONAL CLEAVE

In some cases, cleavage can be formed and maximized by position. Folding your arms, lying on one side, leaning forward, shrugging your shoulders, grabbing ‘em in both hands, these moves are all tricks of the titty trade.

PADDED BRA CLEAVE

Thanks to science, we can have all kinds of things we weren’t born with, including cleavage
created by gel inserts. This boob show follows the immortal words of Axl Rose, “Use Your Illusion,” and rock it!

BOOTY CLEAVE

The other lovely lady lumps—a.k.a. the coin slot. Low-rise jeans have given rise to the cheekiest form of cleavage.


5 comments:

  1. I recommend the last one to be used only by people with smooth skinned-tight as steel behinds. Side and Under should also be reconsidered by people whose boobs don't defy gravity.

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  2. You are so right Chrocs. Gravity is not a friend to the boobies (or any other body part for that matter). At my age about the only cleavage I can count on is of the situational variety, with an occasional low cut top + push up bra thrown in for when I need my car fixed fast or want a free drink.

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  3. Ha! A friend of mine and I once almost made a guy crash his mom van when we were changing a flat tire on a parking lot. I had a deep V neck shirt on and my friend wears low cut jeans and thongs. We were both crouched down in front of each other. We only heard the screech of the tires and looked up to see a very red whipped looking dude.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Puddle O'Boob looks might uncomfortable to me. For heaven's sake, set those girls free!

    ReplyDelete
  5. mighty not might--sheesh

    I think I did too much typing today. I'm losing my letters tonight.

    ReplyDelete

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