Friday, March 19, 2010

11 Movie Aliens That Look Like Genitalia


Clawbia Majora (Predator)

With a combination labia-mouth like that, no wonder Arnie was chasing this thing for days around the jungle half-naked.

Cock in a Purse (My Stepmother Is an Alien)

It's common knowledge that every woman keeps a Pocket Rocket handy, but on-the-go vixens like Kim Basinger pack scaly-red one-eyed monsters like this nasty hose beast.

Ball-chinian (Men In Black)

Doesn't take a Psych major to pick this one apart.

Sandgina (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)

It'd take monumongous manhood to tap the Sarlacc's sandy slop box, for sure. But if anyone can do it (see next)...

Dong of the Dead (Dune)

Before David Lynch painted his horny portrait of suburbia with smut like Blue Velvet, the writer/director released his sexual deviance on outer space with these hole-punching hump kabobs.

Spear Pucker (Starship Troopers)

We learned that things worse than poop and legislation can issue from an asshole. For instance, a giant claw that sucks out your brain.

Vibe Raider (Coneheads)

Summer 1993: the only time in Dan Aykroyd's midlife crisis when women considered him sexy. How could they not, what with their nightstand fellow glued to his head through the whole flick?

Prolapsed Anus (War Of The Worlds)

If Richard Gere can accommodate a gerbil, then this whale of an extraterrestrial has to shove the New York Giants up its sphincter to get off.

Alcoholic Clit Monster (Star Wars IV: A New Hope)

The swollen clitoris on this Mos Eisley Cantina regular's jaw is disgusting to be sure, but, at least it's easy to find.

Pocket '70s Bush (Star Trek)

Since the dawn of time, man has sought to grow vaginas like Sea-Monkeys. Tragically, we've yet to discover the formula, but James T. Kirk found the next best thing. In outer space, however, there are no bikini waxes.

Fuck Face (Aliens)

Not only does this otherworldly mound of moosehoof attach itself to your face, forcing cunnilingus, but it also impregnates you with gut-bursting alien spawn. Eww! We don't even kiss with tongue!


  1. You can't forget the Guild Navigator from Dune, whose mouth-thing looks like a roast beef vagina:

  2. I've never felt the urge to get 'intimate' with the Predator. Those fangy things make sustained arousal an impossibility. When I was 18, well that's another story.

    H.R. Geiger works mostly in the medium of genitalia.

  3. Sadly, Dan Aykroyd would not be the first dickhead I've slept with.

  4. I will never look at Tribbles the same way again ...

  5. @Fabio - I came here to say exactly that! Especially the close-ups. Ewwww.

  6. They left out Giger's schlong headed alien? (no face hugger doesn't count) Lame!

  7. Technically, those are pocket late-60's bush.

  8. Interesting that Hollywood chooses to portray creepy, hideous monsters and/or dangerous otherwordly items as (let's face it) female genitalia (most of the time). I always knew men were afraid of our lady parts. And yes, they DO all have teeth; we can just decide not to expose those, whenever we wish. So be nice.

  9. NeilPatrickHarris Gets It On With A Brain BugOctober 19, 2010 at 1:33 PM

  10. Dude. There's an alien in TNG with a vagina on her face. It's straight up a va-jy-na up and down the center of her face. Fucking sweet.

    Someone find me a pic of cuntface the alien. She was a supporting character on TNG, like a lab tech or some shit.



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