From Maxim.com. I think it would actually suck to be a rock star's kid. Talk about pressure. But at least there's always plenty of drugs and hot chicks around the house, so it can't be all bad.
Anything having to do with Yoko Ono’s vagina is seen as having ruined the Beatles, so Sean, since you emerged from that thing, you’re shit outta luck, pal. You’re not helping matters by making boring indie-rock records, being kinda weird in general and continuing to hang out with your mom all the time. We want to like you as much as Julian, we really do. You’re almost 34, dude … ditch the old lady and start rockin’!
With long, flowing locks and cheese-tastic pop songs, Gunnar and Matthew actually went all the way to No. 1 with 1990’s “Love and Affection,” a song you most likely remember blaring from your older sister’s Walkman throughout the worst family vacation ever. The twins' dad, Rick Nelson, died in a plane crash five years before they hit the charts, likely after having a vision of their lameness while freebasing cocaine. Gunnar went on to join the cast of VH1’s “Celebrity Fit Club,” even though he wasn’t fat; losing a few pounds didn’t make him any less irritating.
One of the absolute worst is Peaches, daughter of Boomtown Rats frontman Bob Geldof. Let’s say your dad’s been knighted and is highly regarded as a great humanitarian. As a teenager, should you keep a low profile and perhaps try to engage in some positive, constructive activity? Or, given your access to health, develop a hunger for fame and lead a self-destructive lifestyle that makes Pete Doherty blush (seriously)? Your pop may not like Mondays, but we sure as shit don’t like you.
ELIJAH BLUE ALLMAN
Hmmm, what’s the best way to rebel against your Southern-rockin’ hippie father? How about wearing eyeliner and forming a plodding goth-rock band called Deadsy? Mission accomplished. The only child produced by the union of Gregg Allman and Cher, Elijah Blue was surely scarred by years of his dad’s substance abuse, his mom’s fishnets and Richie Sambora hanging around the house. But then again, maybe he was doomed for mediocrity from birth … after all, what can you expect from a dude whose parents made this?
FRANK SINATRA, JR.
It’s easy to pick on Junior here, what with the purportedly fake 1963 kidnapping (which cost his old man $240,000 in ransom before the perpetrators were caught), his dismal singing career, or his “acting” in movies like “Wacky Taxi” and “Codename: Zebra.” But anyone who can poke fun at themselves on “Family Guy” and was favorably name-checked in Bob Dylan’s Chronicles Vol. 1 autobiography can’t be all bad, right? Wait, have you seen “Codename: Zebra”? I have, and it ain’t pretty.
Kudos to Sean for doing the seemingly impossible: finding a way to suck more than Rod Stewart. Though he claims to be a songwriter, Rod the Mod’s douchebag son has done little more than write the theme for his failed 2007 reality series “Sons of Hollywood” and land in jail after hurling a brick at a couple outside of a party. Somehow finagling his way onto Dr. Drew’s “Celebrity Rehab” series, Stewart celebrated his new clean and sober lifestyle earlier this year with an appearance on “Judge Jeannine Pirro,” where he whined about the lack of affection from his parents and his unpaid personal training bills.
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