Wednesday, January 6, 2010

21 Products Featuring Disembodied Boobs (NSFW)

Whoa. Ok. I'm a perv and all, but even I don't sit around thinking up crap like this. I like my boobs attached to a woman. On the other hand, these would make great gifts at your next office holiday party, that is, if you're trying to get fired for sexual harassment.

STRESS BOOBS

Yes, these will make you popular with the opposite sex. Get used to squeezing the hell out of them, then try the same thing on your woman's, preferably around her time of the month. Then, if you're still alive, send us a photo of your ass with her boot sticking out of it.

VIBRATING BOOB HAND MASSAGER

So lifelike.

FUZZY BOOBS

Real boobs should never be fuzzy. Pluck those things! Perfect for the guy who already has naked lady mud flaps.

BOOB CUSHION

The real things make a better cushion.

BOOB NOTES

There's one guy in every office who would have these. It's the same guy who always tells you how nice you look today while he pictures you naked.

BOOB RADIO

Easy with dem tuner knobs, chief.

BOOB EGG FRYER

Unnecessary. Fried eggs already look like boobs.

BOOB PASTA

After it's cooked, it looks like your grandma's boobs.

BOOB REMOTE CONTROL

I like the buttons under the bikini bottom. It's like a Fembot's crotch.

BOOB SALT & PEPPER SHAKERS

This makes sense.

BOOB MOUSE

I'm not touching that thing.

BOOB CANDLE

Ouch.

BOOB WASHCLOTH

So guys can spend even more time washing their junk.

BOOB SLIPPERS

I've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve, but never your tits on your feet.

BOOB SHOWER GEL DISPENSER

Because gel-oozing breasts are so sexy. Every time you use them, it'll be like your lady's silicone implant is leaking.

BOOB LAMP

Looks more like an ass with a couple of hemhorroids.

BOOB CAKE PAN

The best part of this is the label.

BOOB CAP

It really only works if your friend has one, too, and you walk side by side.

BOOB BEANBAG CHAIR

See, Justin Timberlake has one.

BOOB BEER TOPPER

Or a penis topper, if you're feeling like a dick.

BOOB BLINDFOLD

If I ever end up in front of a firing squad, I want these. They'll be laughing too hard to shoot.

27 comments:

  1. Slippers?!! HA HA HA! Oh my! For the Picasso lover, I suppose. :D

    What a bizarre collection. I tell you there are some seriously weird folks running around this world.

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  2. I enjoy boobies, but I guess I prefer them in their natural state, not imitated or enhanced in any way.

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  3. The nipple ring on the boob cap is a really nice touch.

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  4. and Cary is officially back!

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  5. Cary, I just noticed your new profile picture. Wow, the new year is kicking your ass, huh?

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  6. How do you attach your boobs to a woman? Do they have velcro strips? I'm confused and the meds ain't workin'.

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  7. When I was a kid somebody showed me that you can cut out the ladies knees on the Land o'Lakes butter packageand make them her boobs. It looks pretty good. I have to say, I never look at the package in the store without seeing the "boobs".

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  8. I meant lady's knees. My bad typing.

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  9. I think if the guys who designed the "Boob mouse" had used a little more aesthetic sense they would have placed the scroll wheel just a wee bit lower if you catch my drift.

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  10. Woodwoman, you know I'm gonna buy some Land O' Lakes butter just so I can do that, don't you? That's even better than turning George Washington's head into a mushroom on the dollar bill.

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  11. Cary

    In the old 10-pound note in the UK (sadly gone since the early 90s), the Queen was drawn with these huge ribbons tied to her shoulders among her other finery. Someone showed me how to fold the bill so the ribbon became a penis and moving toward her mouth. It was really excellent, to the extent that surely however drew the picture had to anticipate it. Apologies to all royalists.

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  12. Cary, I'm sure I sent you a link to the 3 Japanese women with the boob scarves...

    I'm so hurt.

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  13. I can't help but think that "Titaroni" is NOT a San Francisco treat.

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  14. I am impressed that each pair had a solid and funny remark for it.
    Bravo sir, Bravo indeed.

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  15. maybe it's 'cause i'm a girl & i don't get it, but most of these scream "i'm a registered sex offender" more than "i have a great sense of humor".

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  16. I couldn't help but observe that the guy who baked the Boob Cake (as pictured on the label of said Book Cake) seems to be a lot less fun-loving than the product would suggest of its clientele.

    That guy is seriously overprotective of his Boob Cake. Dude just needs to chill out...

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  17. The Egg Fryer may be "eggciting," but who in their right mind would think it was erotic??

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  18. I thought these would be funnier. They ended up being kind of creepy.
    Strange.

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  19. My last school once had a fund raiser at Valentine's Day where they sold heart-shaped balloons. If the balloons weren't inflated properly, they looks like massive boobs on a string.

    Needless to say, most of them weren't inflated properly. All these kids were wandering round the school holding onto giant pink boobs on a bit of ribbon.

    Not a great success as a fundraiser, all in all.

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  20. Every one of these HAD to be invented by men. EVERY ONE!

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  21. Priceless man! I don't know what's wrong with Leigh, I laughed my butt off throughout. Then again, I'm a sucker for mammary humor.

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  22. It's so funny to me that boobs are one of the most important things on the planet to enough people that someone comes up with these kinds of items.

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  23. It could have been creepier.....

    I was thinking they were going to be actual 'disembodied boobs'.

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  24. I think one of these products demonstrates one of the fundamental differences between men and women. There are plenty of men out there who would probably be happy to be seen sipping from the boob-shaped beer topper, but very few women would be caught dead using the penis-shaped one. Penis-shaped novelty items are pretty much relegated to the bachelorette party, whereas boob-shaped stuff is clearly both a cottage industry and a way of life.

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