Thursday, January 21, 2010

12 Creepy Old People Of The Day

These 12 10 senior citizens have given us many years of entertainment, societal contributions, and the heebie-jeebies. From


Take Rue McClanahan's hair, Carrot Top's comic stylings, Liberace's wardrobe, and then sprinkle generously with bat shit craziness, and you've got Rip Taylor, the "king of confetti," who is also king of our nightmares. The only difference with Nightmare Rip is that when we wake up, he goes away.


The only thing grosser than an old person is a diseased old person. So every time we hear the grandpa of Our House talk about his "diabeetus" during commercial breaks, we put down our Little Debbie Snack Cake and pick up a barf bucket. Couldn't you have kept shilling for Quaker Oats, Wilf?


This CNN curmudgeon and rumored chronic gas-passer has managed to get married seven times. To women! What's his secret? The man never dies!


What looks like a dude, sounds like a dude, and menstruates as often as dudes do? This dude!


We have to give Eddie Van Halen some credit. After being treated for mouth cancer twice and losing one-third of his tongue, the man still smokes! He's no quitter, and he's got the hobbit-witch-hybrid-corpse look to prove it.


As a joke writer and 300-pound mass of blubber and hair, Bruce should be behind the camera, yet somehow, he's waddled in front of it for shows like Hollywood Squares and Celebrity Fit Club. We'll take the center square to block…out the image of Bruce Vilanch doing shirtless squats.


The Late Night With Conan O'Brien announcer's trademark big openmouthed smile has the power to either brighten someone's day, or inflict the fear that he's about to swallow someone's fetus. Either or.


If Ed McMahon showed up on our doorstep holding balloons and a giant check made out for a gazillion dollars, we'd put him in our car and return him to the nursing home from which he escaped.


Andy is like the crotchety grandpa who insists on calling black people "Negroes" and his eyebrows "bangs." Seriously, Rooney, there's a grooming tool called "tweezers." Look into it.


The glam rocker's 1973 hit "I'm the Leader of the Gang (I Am)" was slightly overshadowed by his later release "I'm the Owner of Pornography of Underage Girls (I Am)."


Creepy, for sure, but who else can say they've seen Halley's Comet four times?


  1. Hard to believe that some (not me!) thought Eddie Van Halen was hot back in 1984. He's now giving Keith Richards a run for his money in the corpse-looky likey stakes. *shudders*

  2. I like to tune into 60 Minutes every once in a while just to see if Andy Rooney's eyebrows have completely overgrown his face yet. Those things are terrifying!

  3. He just strikes me as a complete curmudgeonly asshole, the kind of guy you'd like to hit with your car.

  4. Bruce Vilanch is a real-life muppet!

  5. Wow, wouldn't you hate to be the muppeteers (because you know it would take more than one!) stuck operating the Bruce Vilanch muppet? Talk about drawing the short straw.

  6. Is Abe Vigoda still alive?

  7. Funny stuff, .....Eddie Van Halen, what have ye done to yourself to end up looking like a scary grandma?.... the "diabeetus" dude really is bothersome to my kids. Rooney went from very mildly amusing to annoyingly stupefied.

  8. I think weird-ass Pat Robertson should be at the top of this list. I'd like to smack him.

  9. Andy Rooney's eyebrows have gone beyond tweezers - we're talking clipper action now.
    Did anyone happen to catch Bea Arthur's turn as a singing bar owner in Star Wars the Holiday Musical Special? (I kid you not)
    I can't believe that Abe Vigoda page is still going. I don't even know who the hell he is let alone whether he's alive or not!

    1. George Lucas has paid millions to attempt to erase all traces of the existence of the Star Wars holiday specials...Star Wars Muppet Christmas?

  10. need to add gary busey to this list. anyone with chicklets for teeth is creepy.

  11. Wow. Man these all creep me out, but Rip Taylor has been freaky for as long as I can remember, even when he was much younger. Great list, Cary! Love it. :D

  12. I love Abe Vigoda because he doesn't mind making fun of himself and the ongoing joke that he's still alive.

    That is a joke, right?

  13. I always had trouble believing Ed McMahon outlived Johnny Carson. My dad always said he made a deal with the devil, and I guess last year his contract came due.

    Oh smauge, Abe Vigoda is a character actor who ends up getting stuck playing crotchety old dudes since the mid-70's or so.

    His latest role that I can remember him in was the grandpa in "Look Who's Talking Now".

  14. Ed has absolutely cleaned himself up and stopped drinking for almost a year now. That pic is 3 years old. Check him out:

  15. I am truly glad to hear it. I saw VH in concert here a couple of years ago, and he looked like he was in good shape.

  16. Good on ya, Eddie! That pic looks great! I too had posters of him on my wall when I was round 13. He can still wail on the guitar.

    In that pic above, he looks like the Crazy Cat Lady from the Simpsons.

    ETA...hey! apparently I'm not the only one who thinks that way...

  17. Gee, "Look Who's Talking Now". How did I miss that one?



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