Take Rue McClanahan's hair, Carrot Top's comic stylings, Liberace's wardrobe, and then sprinkle generously with bat shit craziness, and you've got Rip Taylor, the "king of confetti," who is also king of our nightmares. The only difference with Nightmare Rip is that when we wake up, he goes away.
The only thing grosser than an old person is a diseased old person. So every time we hear the grandpa of Our House talk about his "diabeetus" during commercial breaks, we put down our Little Debbie Snack Cake and pick up a barf bucket. Couldn't you have kept shilling for Quaker Oats, Wilf?
This CNN curmudgeon and rumored chronic gas-passer has managed to get married seven times. To women! What's his secret? The man never dies!
What looks like a dude, sounds like a dude, and menstruates as often as dudes do? This dude!
EDDIE VAN HALEN
We have to give Eddie Van Halen some credit. After being treated for mouth cancer twice and losing one-third of his tongue, the man still smokes! He's no quitter, and he's got the hobbit-witch-hybrid-corpse look to prove it.
"BRUCE THE HUTT" VILANCH
As a joke writer and 300-pound mass of blubber and hair, Bruce should be behind the camera, yet somehow, he's waddled in front of it for shows like Hollywood Squares and Celebrity Fit Club. We'll take the center square to block…out the image of Bruce Vilanch doing shirtless squats.
The Late Night With Conan O'Brien announcer's trademark big openmouthed smile has the power to either brighten someone's day, or inflict the fear that he's about to swallow someone's fetus. Either or.
If Ed McMahon showed up on our doorstep holding balloons and a giant check made out for a gazillion dollars, we'd put him in our car and return him to the nursing home from which he escaped.
Andy is like the crotchety grandpa who insists on calling black people "Negroes" and his eyebrows "bangs." Seriously, Rooney, there's a grooming tool called "tweezers." Look into it.
The glam rocker's 1973 hit "I'm the Leader of the Gang (I Am)" was slightly overshadowed by his later release "I'm the Owner of Pornography of Underage Girls (I Am)."
Creepy, for sure, but who else can say they've seen Halley's Comet four times?