Monday, November 23, 2009

Animals Squashed Against Glass (Of The Day)

A great photo list from Jocelyn in Canada and BestWeekEver (more photos at link). The giraffe tongue is creeping me out, though.
























Is that Sharon Stone?








Craigslist Ad Of The Day: To The Stud Driving The Red Suburban

Ouch. Dude got told.



best of craigslist > indianapolis >

To stud driving red Suburban thru Noblesville/Westfield/Carmel today - w4m


Date: 2009-09-28, 9:15PM EDT


Dear Mr. Red Chevy Suburban with white Indiana license plate [deleted]:

I saw you this afternoon in traffic in Hamilton County. At 3:43 p.m., to be exact. And I felt compelled to write to you.

Considering the bags under your puffy eyes, the ample spare tire of fat under your already plump man breasts, the vacant, slightly piggy expression on your bloated white middle-aged face, the smudged out-of-fashion eyeglasses sitting atop your flushed, acne-ridden, pasty, unshaven, scabrous skin, the flabby pale hairy arms, the sausage-like stubby fingers with dirt-encrusted fingernails..... yes, I knew you were clearly a man who was well aware of just what a catch he was to any worthy women of the world who were lucky enough to attract your precious attention.

The white fuzzy dice hanging from your greasy, fingerprint-covered rearview mirror, the thick layer of dust, mud, pollution, and general neglect desperately trying to hide the flaking ancient red paint still clinging to the rusted hull of your late-80's/early 90's vintage vehicle, all confirmed that you were a class act indeed.

As my heart rate increased upon viewing such a grand specimen of proud Hoosier manhood, I was not surprised, therefore, to see that the loud, possibly muffler-less red Suburban being driven by a man of your cultivation, sophistication, education, and impeccable taste was also sporting a NO FAT CHICKS bumper sticker, without the slightest hint of irony.

Since you undeniably have your pick of all the desirable women alive, you clearly MEANT it.

As you pulled up at the light at US 31 and US 32 in Carmel/Westfield today (Monday Sept 28th), I desperately wished that I had my camera with me.

You see, after having weighed everywhere from 117 lbs. to 160 and back to 125 lbs. as an adult female, I am now keen to create my own bumper sticker for my shiny, well-maintained, shiny, recent vintage (not the first Bush administration) car.

Do you think I can fit NO UGLY MISOGYNIST EVIL CLUELESS SMELLY NASTY CAVE-DWELLING STUPID THROWBACK MOTHERFUCKERS on one line or two?

Obesity can be a temporary state; even ignorance can be a temporary state. However, being a mean-spirited, unattractive, soulless moron is apparently permanent.

  • Location: US31 & US32 going west
PostingID: 1397313762



Vid Of The Day: Douchebag Solidarity (NSFW)

They are douchebags. Word.

PSA Of The Day: Shiny Suds

Pervy bubbles make me laugh.


7 Inappropriate Products For Kids (Of The Day)

From The Huffington Post. Link from FOLOTD and new mom, Regan.

LITTLE POLE DANCER

The keywords on the box read "Interesting," "Flash," and "Up and Down," which sound like they were written by the happiest pedophile in playland.

YOU CAN SHAVE THE BABY

That baby doesn't need shaving, it needs to be returned to the elfdom from whence it came.

INFANT NIPPLE TASSEL TEE

"Something for the evening" for your infant stripper-to-be aged 0-12 months. "Show Grandma how you twirl 'em!"

BABY GLUTTON

Spanish toymaker Berjuan released a doll that allows children to "breast-feed" their babies. A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth. The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby." Actually, yeah, you should.

STD PLUSHIES

I don't think these are Webkinz.

BABY STILETTOS

Finally! Baby stilettos have hit the market to give those unsightly flab-filled baby calves some lift. They will be useful for the girls who loved the pole-dancing doll and moved on to this.

TOY TATTOO GUN

The GR8 TaT2 Maker by Spin Master Toys promises an "easy-to-use tattoo maker kit...[that] creates realistic, washable designs with dramatic effects." If only there was a plushy for Hepatitis.


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