Friday, November 6, 2009

Top 10 Sexual Positions Of The Day (NSFW-ish)

A little sumpin'-sumpin' to get you all ready for the weekend.. wink wink... from FHM.com (UK), as voted by their readers. But how does one choose a favorite sex position? Isn't that like trying to pick a favorite child? In my book, they're all winners -- my book being a tattered little journal where I write about all the things I dream about but don't ever get to do. I sometimes make dirty little doodles in it too.

Pics and copy from FHM.com.

10. Classic Doggy Style



Every man knows that ladies love the Classic Doggy, be they good girls or bad. It always rates high in female fantasy lists and should thus be an essential part of your sexual repetoire. With both of you on your knees and her back arched, you can achieve super deep penetration as well as having hands free for the reach around and a little breast and clitoris caressing. Or if you want to rough things up grab a handful of her mane and reign her in.

9. Reverse Cowgirl



The position of choice for most porn stars thanks to its film-friendly focus, the Reverse Cowgirl guarantees ultimate pleasure for both parties while keeping any intimacy issues on the back burner. Facing away from and astride you leaves you open to kick back and enjoy the sight of a prime bottom giving you a knowing wink as she rodeos you like the Wild West. And with her hands free to caress her clit and nipples for heightened climax, all you need do is lie there and enjoy the ride.

8. The Plow



Perfect for the, ahem, lesser endowed gent, The Plow can deliver up to an inch deeper penetration than normal with the right application of pressure. On her back with legs resting on your shoulders and your arms tucked behind, this is a real 50-50 position that's intense, exciting and sweat-inducing in equal measure.

7. Side Saddle Cowgirl



As hot as a jockey who’s just run the Grand National, the Side Saddle Cowgirl is the ultimate variation on the Cowgirl theme. It also offers great profile views of your lady as she gets into her rhythm. Sitting sideways astride you, all you can do is lie back and watch while your girl indulges in the ride of her life. So good you’ll want to be ridden forever, but careful you don’t get too carried away – being saddle sore is a nasty thing.

6. Stand And Deliver



Best for couples of similar height. As intimate and personal as sex gets, your girl literally stands while you deliver with the added bonus of plenty of snogging, staring into each others’ eyes and the opportunity to get to grips with her bum and its infinite delights. The natural pressure this position exerts on her clitoris should also have her climaxing in record time.

5. Raised Missionary



The prime position for holding eye-to-eye contact. With back arched and all her weight on her heels and shoulders, you’re in perfect position to take total control and dominate her. It also leaves your hands to feel, fondle and fornicate the majesty of her breasts in complete freedom. Excellent.

4. Deep Dish



This one has the man doing most of the work, but unlike your 9-5 grind, it’s well worth the rewards. With the missus on her back, legs akimbo and her ankles firmly in your grasp, the view is nothing short of spectacular. And with gravity on your side you’re in total control to vary speed, rhythm, penetration.

3. Lazy Doggy



As simple as no-strings shagging can get, the Lazy Doggy is the perfect morning after activity. She lies down, you lie on top of her and the magic happens. All women love this position, as it’s apparently sensuous and slow and makes your man meat feel like an elephant’s leg with a pumpkin atop. It also leaves room for a little improv with your moves – the standard bump and grind is fine, but try some figure-eight hip action for guaranteed ultra-deep penetration and the kind of orgasm usually reserved for Christmases and birthdays.

2. Reverse Spoon



While it may look trickier than tying a knot with no thumbs, The Reverse Spoon is actually a one-way ticket to simple sex made sordid and stupendous. Lying head to toe and side by side offers immediate benefits in the staring at and fondling her nethers department while simultaneously showing off your experimental credentials. The kind of position you can only dream of ending up in after a booze-fueled game of Twister. Just remember to wash your feet first, unless you’re a ‘socks on’ kind of guy.

1. The Butterfly



To quote Muhammad Ali, this position will have her dancing like a butterfly while you, ahem, sting like a bee. The perfect position for any man who’s had one too many, is facing up to round three of the night or is just inherently lazy. Lie back, admire the view and think of England while she does all the hard work. And thanks to the deep penetration The Butterfly affords, you can both expect mind-melting orgasms aplenty. The ultimate viewing pleasure.


Actor Of The Day

Poor Orson. From Lear and Citizen Kane to this...



Then this...


Classic-Orson Wells - Funny bloopers are a click away

And, finally, this...



Then he died. Fade out.


WTF Product Of The Day: Rejuvenique (video)

Good god. Seriously? Ok, I know someone out there reading this blog bought one of these. Fess up. It's ok, we're all suckers sometimes. I once spent $39.99 on a 2-CD set of love songs from the TV. I must've been drunk when I ordered it, because when it arrived, I was like, "'Secret Love'? What the bloody hell? I didn't order this shit." But I did. Damn infomercials. They run them late at night when everyone is either sleepy, drunk or high. It's just wrong to take advantage of people like that.


My 12 Food Weaknesses Of The Day

Twelve of two hundred. No wonder I can't lose weight.


Oh, they're fun all right.


Cheese. Any and all kinds.


Chips y salsa. Homemade salsa, not the Pace crap you see here.


Cold, hard and crunchy. The wholes are better than the halves.


Sweet Jesus I love me a biscuit or ten. Real biscuits. Not that shit in a can.


But only at the movies.


Potato chips. Any old kind, although now that I've gotten used to Baked Ruffles, it's hard to eat old skool chips.


What? Something semi-healthy? Yes. Not too ripe, though. Just past green. No brown spots.


Any Ben & Jerry will do, but this is my favorite. Cherry Garcia is 2nd.



My favorite bedtime snack.


Yes. I like celery. There aren't many of us. My grandma used to stuff it with homemade pimento cheese, and it was heaven. Not really a weakness but I had to put something healthy in here.


Walnuts. Best. Nuts. Ever. And, of course, the highest fat content of all nuts. Figures. I love them in cereal, oatmeal, cookies, you name it.

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