best of craigslist > calgary >
Date: 2009-09-14, 3:43AM MDT
Astronaut needed for experimental flight to Titan. I have been working on this project now for near 40 years and am afraid I'm no longer fit enough to go.
My secret space craft is the result of my professional experience and imagination while serving the U.S. military in advanced aeronautics as a scientist.
The craft harnesses a revolutionary propulsion system and its fuselage is fabricated with the most advanced material. While considerably safe, I am certain you will make it safely to Titan but there will not be enough fuel to get home.
This is for someone unique that has always wanted to see the universe first-hand and has perhaps a terminal view on life here at home. Here's your shot at romantic history.
-over the age of 18.
-not afraid of heights.
-not afraid of extreme conditions such as speed, pressure, heat, etc.
-no taller than 5'10 and relatively slim.
-good eye-sight & hearing.
-manual dexterity (although the craft is largely cpu controlled).
-OK in cramped conditions for long periods of time.
- Location: Northern Alberta
- Compensation: $25,000 CASH.
- This is a contract job.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Whoops. From the Scranton Times-Tribune.
Diocesan priest removed for displaying 'inappropriate' photos before Mass
Scranton, PA -- A priest in the Diocese of Scranton has been removed as administrator of three parishes after he inadvertently displayed four photos of what a diocese spokesman called "minimally attired adult males" before the 8 a.m. Mass at St. Bridget's Church on Oct. 25.
The Rev. Edward P. Lyman was using his personal computer to project an informational DVD about the diocesan Annual Appeal fundraiser when he accidentally showed the "inappropriate personal photographs" that were stored on his computer, according to a diocesan statement read at the Throop Masses on Sunday.
Diocese spokesman William Genello said the photos were not pornographic and did not display nudity or sexual activity. The photos were not of the Rev. Lyman, nor did he take the pictures, Mr. Genello said.
There were no pictures of minors and no evidence of illegal activity, he said.
(Article continues here)
From Comedy.com. They had 12, but Les Paul kicked it. The list doesn't include Amy Winehouse, Ozzy Osbourne or Courtney Love, but should.
12. Fats Domino
It’s been a long, long time since Fats was capable of walking up Blueberry Hill on his own. Fats is 81 years young, now. You know what his thrill was? Young blonde nurses. Meet Fats’ personal nurse Gina.
9. Charlie Daniels
At 72 years old, Charlie’s only going to out-fiddle the Devil so many more times. It’s hard for that chicken to keep picking dough out of the bread pan when it’s got arthritis.
7. Merle Haggard
This Okie from Muskokie has always looked pretty haggard, so he’s aged pretty gracefully by that measurement. Last year, he had part of his lung removed, and was performing concerts two months later. You think you’re more outlaw than Merle? Let’s see you try that one.
6. Keith Richards
Yeah, everyone knows that Keith is still alive, but that doesn’t make it any less shocking that Keith Richards is still alive. He’s 65 years old but doesn’t look a day over 130.
4. Chuck Berry
The world would be a lot less uptight if old black men ruled the world. Look at Chuck: 82 years old and wearing a purple sequinned shirt with brown pants.
See the rest at Comedy.com.
Heard this one at the doctor's office this morning. Ugh. They asked if I'd been experiencing any nausea. Yeah, out in the waiting room just now, listening to your shitty music. I think that's why they do it, to make people sicker and sell more office visits and prescriptions. I bet if I'd waited much longer, I'd have heard "Mr. Bojangles" too.
Hey Phil -- you s-s-s-suck scrote, chief. I like yer mullet, though.
RIP Gregory Hines.