Only a handful since the MPOTD started mid-month.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Everybody's gotta be different now, is that it? John Wayne. Tony Curtis. Cary Grant. Those were star names. Not this shit.
The guy who plays scary Richard Alpert on Lost has a name that sounds like a scary pasta dish. “Our special tonight is Nestor Carbonell -- spinach linguine with caper sauce, topped with long-eared Christmas donkey medallions.”
Spoken, it’s fine, but it reads as “Seen Bean,” someone Dr. Seuss might’ve written about.
Have you seen Bean?
Whoever do you mean?
I mean Bean, you fiend,
Mean green Bean
Have you Sean Bean?
Chi-wah Who-wha? Can someone Chiwe-tell me how to pronounce this fucked-up name? (Whatever you call him, he played Huey Lucas in American Gangster, where he and The News sang, “I Want A New Drug.”)
Whenever I encounter assonance in celebrity names, I just want to combine them: “Americarrara.”
The sound of disappointment.
“Who’s in this movie?”
“That beast from Grey’s Anatomy.”
“Oh. What else is on?”
M. Night Shyamalan
Shyamalan is fine -- it gives us all a reason to call him “Shama-lama-ding-dong.” But he's gotta lose that unnecessary M. John C. Reilly needs his C because there’s another John Reilly in SAG. Somehow I doubt there’s another Night Shyamalan, and if there was, he surely changed his name after The Happening.
Pickler? I barely know her!
Great actor (24, Damages, House, True Blood), crappy name. Under “Alternate Names,” IMdb.com lists “’Z with a caron Zeljko Ivanek’, ‘Z-with-inverted-circumflex-eljko Ivanek’, ‘Å½eljko Ivanek’ and ‘Z’, proving that even they don’t what the hell to do with that name. Why don't you trade in a k or two for some vowels, chief?
I drove a Corolla once. It sucked. I suggest Adam Camry or Adam 4Runner, both far superior makes of Toyota.
I hope so, 'cause the motherfucker sure can’t sing.
Actually, this one is perfect.
Rupert Grint and Ioan Gruffudd
Weren’t they the villains in Dickens' Bleak House?
A name that sounds like a cross between two things that frighten me: probe and Pabst.
Skeet? Were Spunk and Jizz already taken?
“Tyra” sounds a lot like “tiring.” Coincidence?
Stockyard? No one should have a name that reminds people of pig shit.
Shut the crud up, Billy. Yeah, I know, it’s pronounced “KROOD-up.” Like that's any better.
Shy in the buff? Why? Coming up a little short?
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