The Rod Stewart Rule, as explained by the writer of this article (link from Juicy Trixx), is "a mental list of three musical acts that I just can't stand to hear. If one of those acts comes on the radio, I invoke the Rule. The Rule gives me the right to change the station, instantly, no questions asked, no argument, simply because that act is on my list."
So who's on your list? Three only, please.
1. Phil Collins 2. Dave Matthews Band 3. "Mr. Bojangles" -- I don't care who's singing it, get that shit away from my ears.
From Maxim.com. I'm not really sure why most of their choices are cartoon characters. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
10. GENERAL DISARRAY
Sidekick to: Professor Chaos
Professor Chaos (a.k.a. Butters) provided all the tin foil costumes and devious plans for global domination, but General Disarray—otherwise known as a second grader named Dougie—kept the duo grounded. Plus, what little friendship he offered probably kept the pitiably unpopular Butters from going all Kurt Cobain.
Sidekick to: The Tick
If you made Tim Russert a superhero, we imagine he'd look a lot like the paunchy, moth-suited right hand of the Tick. While he doesn't have any sort of powers or spine to speak of, Arthur's all-around lameness makes his burly blue-spandexed buddy look like Arnold Schwarzenegger instead of the Vin Diesel he really is.
Sidekick to: Sonic the Hedgehog
Miles Prower—as he's known by the IRS—is easily the clingiest of the sidekicks on this list. The fact that he uses his two tails to fly comes in handy when Sonic needs help getting over a randomly placed abyss or other silly Japanese imagining. Still, it would be nice if a hedgehog could get some fucking "me" time.
Sidekick to: Inspector Gadget
Since this pigtailed blonde would be well into her cougar years by now, we feel safe saying: Penny was hot. While Gadget's arsenal of gizmos shoulda made him invincible, his precocious niece had to constantly bail his bumbling ass out. And being the prepubescent horn dogs that we were, any Penny on-tube time was A-OK by us.
6. SILENT BOB
Sidekick to: Jay
Even though Bob is usually overshadowed by the nonsensical shit-talking of his weed-dealing counterpart, he has the uncanny ability to dole out sage advice that Confucius would quote on his MySpace page. Plus, he has that sweet utility belt and is friends with a monkey. Snoochey boochey.
5. THE CHEAT
Sidekick to: Strong Bad
We dunno what this thing is or where it came from, but the Cheat is always beside Strong Bad, helping him in his many capers, but getting dumped on more than R. Kelly´s date to the Grammys. We think it's time for the Cheat to find new management.
4. SAMWISE GAMGEE
Sidekick to: Frodo Baggins
"I made a promise, Mr. Frodo... 'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean to." So spoke the loving manservant of ring-bearer Frodo Baggins. Wonder if he knew that promise entailed battling giant spiders, nearly starving to death, and suffering through the longest trilogy in history. Oh well, should have read the small print, dude.
3. CATO FONG
Sidekick to: Inspector Clouseau
Patterned after another no-credit sidekick—The Green Hornet's Kato—Clouseau´s faithful houseboy regularly kept the clodhopping detective at his sharpest via a series of martial arts attacks. And how did the franchise repay him? By making him a silver screen stereotype. We've come a rong way.
Sidekick to: Mario
Hey, Mario, ever think about using your last name and showing the family a little respect? Luigi is half of this brotherly duo; plus, he's taller and got all his father's good looks. So start givin' your brother a box cover or two. Capiche, you fat asshole?
1. WAYLON SMITHERS
Sidekick to: Mr. Burns
We were always told true love meant putting someone before yourself. But if that means moistening your loved one's eyeballs, jumping out of their plane to jettison extra weight, or scraping dead skin off their craggy back, then fuck that noise; there's always our Malibu Stacy real doll.
Here's today's sponsor product in action. It's kinda like Jiffy Pop for a dog's ass. And such a great idea, no? You avoid picking up doo but you have to touch your dog's still-quivering butt about 37 times taking this thing off and putting another one on. ("Hold still, Max! I'm trying to put this accordion over your hole!") Don't forget to take a nice long gander at his turds in the bag and give him the thumbs-up before you fold it up and carry it god knows how far to a trash can. Brilliance.
I kept waiting for the dude to squat and have one coming out of his butt, too. Great for humans!
Update! Melissa H. reports another similar product...