Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Message Of The Day From Stevie Wonder

So wrong. So funny. From Samsmama.



A heartfelt message from Stevie Wonder on the passing of his dear friend, Michael Jackson:

:: ....... :.. ... ... .. .....
.. . . ... :.: . . .
. .. . .. .... .. .. . ...
..:::
... ... :.. ... ... .::.. ..:. .. :.. ...... ::... ... ...
.... ..... .. .
.. : . :.: ... .. . . .
..
... . .... .:.. .... .... ...
.....:.::. .... .... .... ..... ..... ..... .. . . ....
....
. .. :.
. . .. . ..
:. .:
...
....... ... ... ... .. ... .... ... ... .. .... ...
... .... ....
.:.:...
.. .. .:
.:. ....
.. .
.
. . . ::.. .. ... ..
.. ....: .. ... ... ....... ..::..:.. .....


Deep stuff. I nearly cried when he said ". . . ::.. .. ... .."

Commercial Of The Day: Pepperbee's (NSFW!)

John C. Reilly cracks me up. Maybe it's the hair. From Funny Or Die.


Comedy.Com Links Of The Day

Payin' the bills, yo. But it's good stuff, at least.

10 Pictures That Give Douchebags A Bad Name

18 Funniest Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Permanent Dork: The 11 Geekiest Tattoos Of All Time

30 Funniest Video Game T-Shirts

10 Most Ill-Advised Video Game Tattoos

9 Wisest Philosoraptor Quotes


Onion Story Of The Day: Awful Man Offers Wit

Don't you hate people like this?

From The Onion.




AWFUL MAN OFFERS WITTY, ACERBIC TAKE ON EVERYTHING HE SEES

June 20, 2009 | Issue 45•25

ROCKVILLE, MD — Local resident Alan Bower's particular brand of sardonic, no-holds-barred commentary about everything around him has firmly established the 31-year-old policy writer as an absolutely terrible person who is always ready to crack a joke, sources reported Monday.

According to friends of the modern-day Oscar Wilde, Bower has a singular knack for sucking every last bit of genuine enjoyment out of any situation with his hilarious, nonstop incisiveness.

"Alan is a really funny guy," said civil engineer David Finestra, 30, whose slightly eccentric clothing choices are a favorite target of Bower's biting analysis. "His sense of humor takes some getting used to, but nothing gets past him. Who knew someone could go off on a Kmart billboard for 25 minutes? But that's just Alan for you."

"Man, and if you're already having a bad day, and then you spill the tiniest bit of beer on your shirt, you'd better look out!" Finestra continued. "That's good for at least four or five scathing comments from Alan. The guy never stops. Ever."

Though Bower's lightning-quick, whip-smart criticism occurs without pause, brother-in-law Peter Ulster, 34, said the deft ironist still manages to surprise those who know him by expertly dismantling their enthusiasm from an inexhaustible variety of angles.

"With Alan, you never see it coming," Ulster said. "You'll be discussing something you really enjoy—like, say, surfing or whatever—and you think he's engaged and agreeing with you, and then bam! He pulls the rug right out from under you with a spot-on remark about how it's a pretty feeble attempt to recapture one's long-past youth. He'll get you every time with that one."

Other acquaintances indicated that shooting blistering one-liners at any person he comes in contact with is just one of the ways in which Bower can always be counted on to ruin a good time. Longtime friend Stephen Rosenthal said that dogs, infants, films, and even inanimate objects are never safe from Bower's hilarious assessments.


(continued at The Onion)

Yahoo Answers: I Won!

What can I say, I'm a people person. Helping others is my nature.





My Yahoo Answer Of The Day: Baby Names


Creepy Video Of The Day: The Voca-People

This is the kinda shit they book for company retreats and you sit there with a fake smile plastered on your face because your boss is watching you, but inside you are thinking of only one thing: Shooting every one of these motherfuckers in the face.

From Margie in Ottawa, whose aunt sent it to her with this introduction: "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! IT'S PROBABLY THE BEST I'VE RECEIVED & SENT OUT IN A VERY LONG TIME. IT'S SOOOOO REFRESHING!" (caps are hers)

Enjoy.



Store Nicknames Of The Day

Nicknames for some of my favorite retailers. Some I made up, others I heard. If I slam your favorite eatery or store, here's a tissue.

I hate the word eatery, btw.


Got some of your own? Speak up.

POTTERY BARN
Robbery Barn

APPLEBEE'S
Crapplebee's
Applebutt's
I'll Be Right Back With Them Salads (in honor of something an Applebee's waiter in Waycross, Georgia once said to us)

OLIVE GARDEN
Ketchup & Noodles

McDONALD'S
McSquat
Burp
Old McDonald's (what my kid called it when she was little)

KRYSTAL/WHITE CASTLE
Sliders
Colon Blow

WAFFLE HOUSE
Awful House
The Hungry Bastard (ask for some booger bread on the side)

TARGET
Tar-Jay
Heaven

PIZZA HUT
Pizza Slut
Pizza Butt
Pizza the Hutt
Cheese On A Cracker

WAL-MART
Aisle Of Cram
Hell
Always Screaming Babies. Always.

FUDDRUCKER'S
Pudfuckers
Buttfuckers

RESTORATION HARDWARE
Fistoration Hardware

SUBWAY
Suckway
Sandwich Artist's Colony
Blandwich

CHILI'S
Willi-Nilli's

BLIMPIE
Skimpie, Home Of The Air Sandwich

RED LOBSTER
Fish Stickster

BED, BATH & BEYOND
Bed, Bath and Bee-hind

DENNY'S
The Roach
Drunky's

TOYS 'R US
We Be Toys

HOME DEPOT
Yes, We Have No Banana (an inside joke between my wife and me because HD has catalogs filled with things they don't have in stock. You spend an hour picking out fixtures, then they tell you they no longer carry those particular ones.)

OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE
Steakback Outhouse

TACO BELL
Taco Hell
T
aco Smell
Make A Run For The Toilet

JACK IN THE BOX
Yack In A Box

FRIDAY'S
Flair

ARBY'S
Barfby's
I'm Thinkin' Diarrhea

PUBLIX
Pubelicks

DIARY QUEEN
Dairy Squeeze

IN & OUT BURGER
In & Out Burger

DUNKIN' DONUTS
Drunken Dognuts

QOTD: Nicknames

What's your nickname(s)? What was it as a kid?

Obviously many of you (Lefty, Yorkie, Bubbasmom, MOFM, etc) use a nickname here; do you have others?

If there's a story behind yours, feel free to share with the rest of the class.

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