From The Onion.
Stephen Baldwin's Personal Assistant Promoted To Stephen Baldwin
June 2, 2009 | Issue 45•23
LOS ANGELES—After two years of performing management and coordination tasks at an "exceptional level," Stephen Baldwin's personal assistant, Matthew Phillips, was rewarded for his efforts when he agreed to take over the position of Stephen Baldwin Thursday.
"We really wanted to hire from within for this opening, and Matthew was a natural choice," said publicist Melina Disanto, adding that the 33-year-old Phillips is the first person who comes to mind when she thinks of Stephen Baldwin.
"Although this new position doesn't come with a pay raise or more benefits, it actually has fewer responsibilities than Matthew's old job."
According to Stephen Baldwin sources, Stephen Baldwin applied for the Stephen Baldwin personal assistant position but was turned down.
Monday, June 29, 2009
From The Onion.
I had a college gf who used to give me these. Wonder if I still have them. How funny would that be, 20+ years later? "Hey, remember me? Yeah, you still owe me a 'world-class BJ' in your Olivia Newton-John 'Let's Get Physical' jazzercise outfit. If you don't have it anymore, I'll find you one. Here's my address..."
From Funny Or Die.
From "Lonesome Dove," one of the greatest things I've ever seen on TV. I loved the book by Larry McMurtry, and the miniseries brought it to life with incredible faithfulness and passion. A great cast didn't hurt, either. It won a buttload of Emmys as I recall, and rightly so.
Context for this clip: Newt (Rick Shroeder) is Woodrow's (Tommy Lee Jones) illegitimate son, but Woodrow won't admit it. At least not in word.
And here's a bonus ass-whuppin' (and another great scene). Since it's Monday and all.