Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Mow Our Lawn For A Date!

They might be speaking in code. Then again, they might not be. This is why I'm glad I don't have to date anymore.

We have a lot of readers in Sea-Tac... Kate, Noreen, Carly. But I don't think this came from any of them. Anyone want to fess up?


best of craigslist > seattle-tacoma >

Originally Posted: Wed, 20 May 22:45 PDT

Mow our lawn for a date!


Date: 2009-05-20, 10:45PM PDT


Hey boys… ‘tis the season for lawn mowing and new love. These are the only two things missing in my life.

First order of the business: the lawn. Our small front lawn, and largish back lawn have grown out of control after all the rain we have had as of late. It’s about 1.5 feet tall, and growing taller by the second. We are four lovely ladies lacking a lawn mower. This is where you come in.

Second order of business: you and me. I’m a sexy young 20 something lady offering a date (my treat) in exchange for a mowed lawn. We will also offer homemade baked goods to sweeten the deal.

However this lawn may be more than you can handle alone. For this reason, my sultry single roommate has graciously agreed to offer the same deal for your friend who helps you out with the task. Let’s go on a double date! You are also welcome to mow the lawn on your own, and pick a lucky friend to come on the date.

Who knows, maybe one date could turn into two (lawn mowing optional *wink wink*)

Serious inquiries only, we need this lawn mowed, BYOLawnMower!!!

No photos of your weedwhacker please.

  • Location: Eastside
PostingID: 1181466826



The 25 Funniest Women In Hollywood

A great list from EW.com, courtesy of our pal Bev. All the usual suspects are here (Fey, Silverman, Poehler, Louis-Dreyfus) so I included some that a bit more off the radar.

JANE LYNCH

AGE: 48
CATCH HER IN: Julie & Julia this summer
SCHTICK: Straight-shooter persona belied by truly transgressive humor (see: oh-she-went-there turns in Role Models, The 40 Year-Old Virgin).

KRISTEN WIIG

AGE: 35
CATCH HER IN: Saturday Night Live
SCHTICK: Spot-on, scarily diverse impersonations (Kathie Lee Gifford, Suze Orman, Björk); perfect timing (see: Knocked Up); crucial absence of onscreen vanity.

JANE KRAKOWSKI

AGE: 40
CATCH HER IN: 30 Rock
SCHTICK: Turns self-absorption into an art form; finds inappropriate moments to showcase Broadway-baby song-and-dance skills; glorious hair.

OCTAVIA SPENCER

AGE: 36
CATCH HER IN: Bad Santa, Ugly Betty; this summer's horror flick, Drag Me to Hell
SCHTICK: Sassy, smart and wise beyond her years; she's at home in either comedy or drama — Spencer's been a staple of the TV drama guest-star pool for more than a decade, appearing on CSI: NY, NYPD Blue, and Medium.

ARI GRAYNOR

AGE: 25
CATCH HER IN: Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Drew Barrymore's upcoming roller derby pic, Whip It
SCHTICK: Ditzy-smart charisma; no fear of bodily harm; willingness to get up close and personal with public toilets (see: Nick & Norah).

WANDA SYKES

AGE: 45
CATCH HER IN: The New Adventures of Old Christine
SCHTICK: Turns sidekick roles into spotlight-stealers (see: Monster-in-Law, Curb Your Enthusiasm); acerbic wit; bone-dry delivery.

EMILY BLUNT

AGE: 26
CATCH HER IN: The Devil Wears Prada, Charlie Wilson's War, Sunshine Cleaning
SCHTICK: Turns neurotic, posh-accented haughtiness laced with a formidable caustic wit into comedy gold; hilarious deftness at tackling no-nos like eating disorders. (See: ''I'm one stomach flu away from my ideal weight!'' in The Devil Wears Prada) Also: very sexy. Exhibit A: her striptease in Charlie Wilson's War.

ALLISON JANNEY

AGE: 49
CATCH HER IN: The West Wing, Juno, this year's Away We Go
SCHTICK: Versatility. Janney can play any kind of funny — brainy, trashy, oddball maternal — with a combination of energetic wit, physical comedy, and legitimate emotional depth.

KRISTEN SCHAAL

AGE: 31
CATCH HER IN: Flight of the Conchords, her own upcoming Comedy Central special
SCHTICK: Baby-faced badass. Schaal's wide eyes and lisp-inflected delivery make her a hilarious stalker — and an unconventional (and uniquely silly) voice for pop feminism.

EMMA STONE

AGE: 20
CATCH HER IN: Superbad, The Rocker, House Bunny
SCHTICK: Stone has proved herself the perfect comedic foil for boisterous co-stars like Jonah Hill, Rainn Wilson and Anna Faris. Plus, she appeared in the 2004 Vh1 reality talent competition, In Search of the New Partridge Family. And with that on her résumé, we have to imagine she has one helluva sense of humor.

NICOLE SULLIVAN

AGE: 39
CATCH HER IN: MadTV, King of Queens, Rita Rocks
SCHTICK: Goofy faces and killer impressions. Really, was there any MadTV cast member funnier than Sullivan, the pixie-ish comedienne who rose to notoriety with silly characters like the Vancôme Lady? We say, ''Cha, you know what? Uh-uh!''

MAYA RUDOLPH

AGE: 36
CATCH HER IN: Saturday Night Live, A Prairie Home Companion, this summer's dramedy Away We Go
SCHTICK: Uncanny ability to channel the tanorexic megalomania of Donatella Versace (''Get Ouuuuuuut!''); makes excellent comedic use of her impressive singing voice (see: her Beyoncé on SNL's ''The Prince Show''); astonishing chameleon-like power to impersonate everyone from Michelle Obama to Paris Hilton.

See the rest here at EW.com.

Bizarre TV Show Open Of The Day

I have no idea what they're saying, but it doesn't really matter. From the great Garrito (wherever he may be), who wrote, "Just came across this and thought, hey, I know someone who might appreciate it. It's the opening of Mel Brooks' short-lived TV show, When Things Were Rotten...only it's in German. It was cheesy enough to begin with -- this just adds a whole new level. It's a phenomenon I like to call "Hasselhoffing": v. making something bad even worse by associating it with the Germans."

Maybe Siress Yorkie can translate for us.



Misty Rowe, by the way, is still around and as lovely as ever.


10 Dating Truths You Can't Ignore

One for the ladies, from Cosmo. Article by Holly Eagleson, a crazy psycho slut I used to date.*

Thoughts?

------

Sure, every guy is different, but when you've gone out with enough of them (and, ahem, we have) you start to see some patterns. Here, Cosmo's incontrovertible dating dictums.

TRUTH #1

You'll regret that "Just wanted to make sure you got my last message" follow-up to an e-mail, text, or voicemail.

TRUTH #2

If you don't feel comfortable having a conversation with a guy about sex — especially condoms — you shouldn't be getting busy with him.

TRUTH #3

If a man breaks up with you out of the blue, the out-of-the-blue part is really only on your end.

TRUTH #4

Just as it's best to wait to drop the L-bomb until your man does, let a guy change his Facebook status to "in a relationship" before you do.

TRUTH #5

No woman in a healthy long-term relationship has ever said, "Gee, I really wish I'd slept with my man sooner."

TRUTH #6

Keeping a change of clothes at work in case of an emergency walk of shame isn't optimistic behavior...it's career-savvy.

Truth #7

When a guy repeatedly refers to his exes as "crazy," "psycho," or "sluts," he will use those same words against you one day.

TRUTH #8

If a relationship feels like too much work after the first month, it'll be 10 times harder a year from now.

TRUTH #9

A guy who rates you or other girls as a number from 1 to 10 is a loser, even if he gives you a 10. You're a woman, not county fair livestock.

TRUTH #10

A guy who talks about how skilled he is in the sack is like a man who brags about his money. Either way, he ain't got it. The kind of man you want to be with knows that actions speak louder than words.




* Not really. Sorry, Holly. Call me?


Vid Of The Day: Triumph At Bonnaroo, Part 2

The conclusion, with some surprise celebrity cameos. (Part 1 is here if you missed it.)


7 Things I Won't Wear (Of The Day)

I won't wear them. You can't make me.

1. SANDALS



Dude feet are nasty. Hairy toes and fungi -- no. Hide that shit. I do.

2. COLOGNE



My uncle Roy wears enough for both of us. And his two sons. And his four brothers. And every other dude in Warner Robins, Georgia and probably some in Macon, too.

3. BACKWARDS BASEBALL CAP



If I were 9, maybe. Or Bazooka Joe.

4. HAWAIIAN SHIRTS



Lookin' good, dad. Ugh. Nothing screams "old guy trying to look young" like a Hawaiian shirt. Count me out -- even if Friday is Hawaiian shirt day.

5. CORDUROY



As a kid I was forced to pick out at least one pair of cords every year for school clothes, and I never wore them. But cords have come a long way since then; they have pleats now, I see. Wonderful. Pleated cords -- WTF? Might as well make them Sansabelt (TM) and wrinkle-resistant, and then you'll have the perfect slacks (<-- I hate that word).
6. TIE



Ok, I will wear a tie if you die or get married, but that's it. I knew TV was the right career for me when, at my very first interview, my boss-to-be said, "Well, you didn't wear a tie. That's one thing in your favor."

7. WRINKLE-RESISTANT SHIRTS



If I want a shirt that wears like a cardboard box, I'll just Scotch-Gard it myself. Or iron. It's not that hard. Unlike wrinkle-resistant shirts.

And a few others that go without saying (although I'm saying):

- Speedo (if you wanna see my junk, you have to pay for it)
- ascot (whatever it is)
- jewelry (watch and wedding band excluded. And pinky ring.)
- goofy hats like a fedora or a beret or anything else no one should wear unless it's Halloween or they are doing dinner theater
- elastic-waist pants (sweats excluded)
- anything related to NASCAR (including dead racers)

Now don't get your panties all bunched if you like any of this shit or like it on your man. To each his/her own.


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