I think he likes 'em, the fat fuck. And you thought Chris Farley was dead. Stick with it -- the closer he gets, the better it gets.
They were right to be afraid of him.
NSFW - language
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Yes, they are real. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I have broken one of them.
From Mr. Minimac and AlterNet.org.
1. In Bakersfield, CA, you must use a condom to have sex with Satan.
2. Poking a porcupine is illegal in Florida.
3. In Minnesota, it's illegal to have sex a live fish.
4. In Dyersburg, TN, it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date.
5. In Merryville, MO, wearing a corset is illegal because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
6. It's illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama.
7. In Washington state, you can have sex with an animal, but only if it weighs less than 40 lbs.
8. In Washington, D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.
9. In Massachusetts, you cannot consummate your love with a rodeo clown in view of horses.
10. In Utah, America's biggest Internet-porn-consuming state, sex with an animal is fine unless you're doing it for money.
Talk about half-cocked...
Man Shoots Own Penis To Impress Friends
All of his friends probably think differently now of 27-year-old Lukas Neuhardt, who, in an attempt to impress them, stuck a loaded handgun into his pants and pulled the trigger. He thought the safety was on.
Embarrassed, the German national told emergency medical personnel that he was the victim of a mugging; however, the police doubted this story from the beginning.
"Instead there was a charred hole in his pocket so either it was the shot of the century or he did it himself," said one police source.
Surgeons were able to stitch together the remains of his manhood, but Neuhardt faces up to 3 years in prison for violating Germany's very strict gun control laws.
This post brought to you by Libby's Vienna Sausages.
"It's not the size, it's the flavor."
Crunch & Munch
To help avoid a hangover, try to eat or snack before or while drinking.
Rehydrating is the key to recovering from the hangover, and this cannot be stressed enough. You can even put some lemon in your water, it'll help soothe your stomach and will add vitamin C. Avoid water that is extremely cold or hot; drink water at room temperature.
Even though you're extremely tired and a cup of coffee seems like the best way to wake you up, try to stay away from it. Caffeine will only dehydrate you more, and since it's also a diuretic, it will not help your stomach. Milk and other dairy products are also not a good idea; they may make you feel more queasy.
Juice is also a good idea; vitamin C will help give you the energy you'll need.Sports drinks such as Gatorade have been known to work for some people.
Have some tablespoons of plain honey, or add some honey to your water or cup of tea. It'll help soothe the dryness in your throat.
After drinking to just about every toast that could be made the night before, some slices of plain toast could be a good idea - avoid putting jam or butter on them.
Eating some fruit is also a good idea. It'll be refreshing and give you the vitamins and energy you'll need to replenish your body.
If you're not having fruit or drinking juice, take vitamin C or another type of multivitamin.
Drugs? Yes, Please
Have an over-the-counter painkiller such as aspirin or ibuprofen, to help ease the headache. Do Not have acetaminophen-based pills; these can be dangerous when mixed with the alcohol in your system. Take the pills in the morning, not before going to bed when the alcohol is still prominent in your system.
Either sleep in, or wake up and take any of the above-mentioned measures and go back to bed. This is assuming, of course, that you have the luxury of sleeping in for that particular day.
Another effective way to alleviate the pain is to lie in a dark room, with a cool compress on your head.