A quickie from Robot Chicken.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
This one's for Lefty -- and not meant as a religious message. I just like the song.
It's fun to play "Who dat?" with the cameos, but I only know about half of them.
Who is the blonde woman crying?
The bald dude at 1:05?
The woman at 1:24 (Evanescence?)
Dude at 1:30 playing guitar?
(I reached wayyyyy back in the archives for this one, a post I hadn't intended to rerun -- until yesterday, when I changed my mind. This one's for you, Julie.)
Bless their fugly lil' hearts. I'll be nice and not use last names.
Amanda ("A man, duh!")
I've never found anyone else who remembers this show, and for a while I wondered if I dreamed it up or something. But who would dream such a bizarre, horrific thing? Someone please tell me they remember this.
Here's what I don't get: If it's David Cassidy, teen idol of his day, big TV and recording star, how the FUCK is he undercover?
"I need to find out who ordered the hit on Rocco."
"Aren't you teen idol David Cassidy? You're no cop."
"Wha--huh? Cass who? Ha. No. Maybe. I mean --"
"Where's Reuben Kincaid? Oh wait -- is he the mayor?"
"I have no idea what -- this, uhh -- shit, ok -- shhh -- don't tell anyone, but I'm undercover!"
Then David goes and buys a Groucho Marx mustache-and-glasses thing and resumes his police work. "David Cassidy: Man Not Getting The Whole Undercover Thing."
It makes about as much sense as "KISS: Band Undercover" with Gene, Paul and co. all in full makeup and spandex, but wearing turbans and pretending to be Middle Eastern terrorists trying to purchase weapons from a black market seller.
Yes, I know, he doesn't play himself in the show. But it's a riff; work with me.
(Yes, another rerun. Sorry. I have a big deadline at work that's kicking my arse. New stuff soon, I promise)
A few entries from RedneckWordsOfWisdom.com, a site that invites readers to submit their favorite redneck sayings.
He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.
Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.
That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.
You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.
I'm bowed up like a Halloween cat.
He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.
Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.
He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.
That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.
Nuttier than a squirrel turd.
As easy as herding chickens.
Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.
I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!
She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
He's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.
Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.
You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you're runnin'.
Hornier than a two peckered billy goat.
Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.
Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.
His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.
Heavier than a dead preacher.
She has two speeds. Slow and stop.
That smells like the shithouse door of a shrimp boat.
Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
I'm so hungry, every time I swallow my asshole says thank you.
Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.
Busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers.
Her jeans are so tight, you can see the veins in her ass!
That means about as much to me as a strawberry up a bear's butt.
Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut!
Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it?
He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
That dummy’s always got both ass-cheeks wrapped around his ears!
Busier than a cucumber in a women's prison!
He was drunker than Cooter Brown on the 4th of July.
My sister's soooo ugly, my mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her!
I felt like a monkey trying to do a math problem.
Don’t push it, or I'll slap some schtuff on your head ajax won't take off.
His gal is so fat they hire a rodeo clown to distract her when she’s grocery shopping.
I feel like a bag of smashed assholes.
Smoother then a hairy nipple on wax day.
His family tree looks like a totem pole.