Thursday, May 14, 2009

Star Trek Spoof Videos Of The Day

First up, a classic: Star Trek meets Monty Python. The fact that the two sync up so well together shows you just how ridiculous the original Star Trek really was.

Next, a trailer for a new Star Trek-spoofing porno movie (safe for work).

Maxim's Hot 100 Women Of 2009

I must be getting old. Who are these people? And where's Myrna Loy?

From (click any name to link).

100. Deanna Russo
99. Melissa Rycroft
98. Rebecca Mader
97. Marisa Tomei
96. Olivia Munn
95. Padma Lakshmi
94. Yvonne Strahovski
93. Michelle Obama
92. Joanna Krupa
91. Chelsea Handler
90. Roselyn Sanchez
89. Jamie Chung
88. Diane Kruger
87. Summer Glau
86. Ali Campoverdi
85. Michelle Trachtenberg
84. Minka Kelly
83. Whitney Port
82. Emma Watson
81. Heidi Montag
80. Jamie Gunns
79. Jaime King
78. Danica Patrick
77. Stacy Keibler
76. Cameron Richardson
75. Tricia Helfer
74. Amanda Bynes
73. Ashley Tisdale
72. Camilla Belle
71. Gabrielle Union
70. Maria Menounos
69. Jennifer Morrison
68. Ashley Greene
67. Emmy Rossum
66. Emma Stone
65. Amanda Righetti
64. Diora Baird
63. Milla Jovovich
62. Heidi Klum
61. Dania Ramirez
60. Carrie Underwood
59. Ana Ivanovic
58. Miranda Kerr
57. Audrina Patridge
56. Amber Heard
55. Christina Milian
54. Rachel Bilson
53. Kim Kardashian
52. Beyoncé
51. Sienna Miller
50. Taylor Swift
49. Freida Pinto
48. Arielle Kebbel
47. Katie Cassidy
46. Nicole Scherzinger
45. Fergie
44. Avril Lavigne
43. Elisha Cuthbert
42. Nikki Reed
41. Nadine Velazquez
40. Lily Allen
39. Anna Faris
38. Charlize Theron
37. Cameron Diaz
36. Hayden Panettiere
35. Anna Kournikova
34. Scarlett Johansson
33. Blake Lively
32. Ciara
31. Hilary Duff
30. Penélope Cruz
29. Zoe Saldana
28. Danneel Harris
27. Vanessa Hudgens
26. Angelina Jolie
25. Julianne Hough
24. Eva Mendes
23. Lindsay Lohan
22. Kate Beckinsale
21. AnnaLynne McCord
20. Moon Bloodgood
19. Chan Marshall
18. Marisa Miller
17. Britney Spears
16. Gina Carano
15. Katy Perry
14. Christina Aguilera
13. Jessica Alba
12. Leighton Meester
11. Jessica Biel
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt
9. Jordana Brewster
8. Rihanna
7. Adriana Lima
6. Eliza Duskhu
5. Mila Kunis
4. Malin Akerman
3. Bar Rafaeli
2. Megan Fox
1. Olivia Wilde

Classic Game Show Of The Day: Distraction

Funnies from Siress Yorkie, who explains, "Yonks ago, British comedian Jimmy Carr had a show on BBC called "Distraction." It's a knowledge-based show with really good prizes for the winners, but the catch was that you had to go through SEVERE distraction techniques whilst answering the questions. I think the show was eventually cancelled because of the torture the contestants were being put through. Two contestants had to have riding crops in their mouths which stretched their lips out severely whilst soap bubbles were being shot forcefully into their faces...all whilst answering questions. Another guy had to answer questions between bites of pickled pig scrotum. It was a GREAT show."

Two clips, courtesy of Siress.

Filthy Nursery Rhymes Of The Day (NSFW)

These are from Andrew "Dice" Clay, and, as you might imagine, are incredibly filthy and misogynistic... and funny as hell. Proceed at your own risk.

Hickory Dickory Dock
My balls fell out of my jock
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb stuck up her ass
It woke up the spider
Who lived deep inside her
He said "Hey, free electric and gas"

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her
Jill said no, and Jack said, so,
I'll ram it in your dumper

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater
Whacked off in the movie theater
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack
The cupboard was bare,
She didn't despair
She let Rover munch on her crack

Jack and Betty, up in a tree
First comes Betty, then comes Jack
Then comes the goo from Betty's crack

Little Boy Blue --
He needed the money!

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fuckin' whore

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim your bush, it's too damn hairy

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
When she bent over,
And Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored those flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean

Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top
Your mother's a whore,
And I ain't your pop

Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie
He shit pepperoni,
Then blew his friend Tony,
And wiped his mouth on his tie

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Shine upon the parking lot
As I eat my girlfriend's twat

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe
Suck my dick and swallow slow.

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Patty cake, patty cake,
Baker's man
If your chick's on her period
Fuck her in the can

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in her backyard
When she took her panties off
His wooly dick got hard


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