Mkay. From Afro Amber and Marla.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Better late than never. All photos from Engrish.com.
"Where'd you stay yesterday?"
"No, the Hilton."
Made from 100% fresh sweat...
... unlike our competitor's vitamin drink
The pimp's momma likes them, too.
Sweet potato die
Tell me something goods, babie
A.k.a. the men's room
I hate those pay-or-punch lots
That's what she said
I think she needs to stop smoking whatever it is she's smoking
It is not my pleasure to be knocked up, however
Exclusively at all Sycophantastic! (TM) locations
I hope they give them a five-minute head start, at least
Formerly the Foreplay Inn
They hate it when grubs try to worm their way in without paying.
So, just how cold is it there, Fred?
No, not lately
The official shirt of drunk-dialing
Rent the body and they'll throw the freezer in for free
We're reaching clitical mass!
Yes, it certainly is
Being dead is no excuse not to clean up your mess
That makes two of us
It sometimes disguises itself as a hand
Bipolar Belinda, now available at all Toys L' Us
Ever been caught in flagrante delicto... doing the dirty deed... making the beast, etc. by anyone? Kids? Roommates? Parents? Pastor? Rabbi?
One night a few years ago -- my daughter was 4 or 5 at the time -- the Mrs. and I were taking care of a little marital business. Now, we usually hear Little One coming up the stairs and have time to take off our Furry costumes before she runs in, but not this time.
We're in full-pork mode when suddenly we hear this crying little voice in the darkness:
We stop, drop and roll, wife turns on a light, child says, "What were you doing?" Wife sidesteps the question, throws on a robe and takes Little One back down to her bed.
As they descend the stairs, I hear my traumatized child ask again, "What were you and Daddy doing, Mommy?"
"We were hugging," wife says.
I wonder if the kid bought it. I also wonder how long she'd been standing there before she spoke up. Now we lock the door.
Your turn. Feel free to comment anonymously if you prefer.
Duets are always a dicey proposition, and there are plenty of bad ones to prove it. Here are the nine that I consider the worst of the worst. Enjoy! (heh heh)
9. Barbra Streisand & Neil Diamond: "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"
So how about bringing me a rope instead, so I can hang myself from the nearest tree?
8. Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men: "One Sweet Day"
One godawful song.
7. Paula Abdul & MC Skat Kat: "Opposites Attract"
This video won a Grammy. That's pretty much all you need to know.
6. Kenny Rogers & Sheena Easton: "We've Got Tonight."
Oh, I love the lame-o contrived lead-in dialogue. "Success is not the most important thing anymore," says Kenny, pre-face replacement. "My perfectly feathered hair is." No, Kenny, our plans certainly do not include you. But I bet Bob Seger's do, and I bet they include an ass-whuppin'.
And why the hell are they singing in a steam room?
5. Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram - "Somewhere Out There"
Each has a fine voice, but even together they're no match for a rotten song and a goofy concept. Isn't that Monica and Rachel's apartment?
4. Peter Cetera & Cher - "After All"
Has there ever been a stranger pairing than these two ghouls? Just bloody awful. I couldn't find the video of them together, so you can either watch Cher sing it in concert with a nobody, or Peter sing it in concert with a nobody imitating Cher. Or you can watch both, like I did, because misery loves company.
3. Patti LaBelle & Michael McDonald - "On My Own"
Yes, there has been a stranger pairing than Cher and Peter Cetera, and this is it. WTF? The musical equivalent of a horseradish and vanilla shake.
2. Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder - "Ebony & Ivory"
Times like this, you wish Paul really was dead.
1. Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson - "Say, Say, Say"
Gay, gay, gay.
Willie Nelson & Julio Iglesias: "To All The Girls I've Loved Before"
Mick Jagger & David Bowie: "Dancing In The Street"
Amy Grant & Peter Cetera: "Next Time I Fall"
Bono & Sinatra: "Got You Under My Skin"