Thursday, April 9, 2009

Nic Cage Movie Plot Generator Of The Day

I saw about 2.5 minutes of National Treasure: Book Of Secrets last night. It sucked.

Yuks from Sheila and Cracked.com.



80s Music Video Of The Day #2: TKOWT

Since CajunMan mentioned it...

I can only assume that this song was in Pretty Woman. Or maybe these guys are just fascinated with Julia Roberts and/or shitty movies.



Weren't those same falling boulders in the other vid? I can hear the record company now: "We paid $300 each for those fake boulders, and you only put them in one shot in 'We Close Our Eyes.' Use them again."


True Office Confessions Of The Day

All from TrueOfficeConfessions.com and copied verbatim, typos and all. If you like these, they have thousands more. My thanks to Amy for compiling some good ones for me.



Crazy: Can I borrow your scissors?
Me: Here you go.
Crazy: Can I borrow your mirror?
Me: Here you go.
Crazy proceeds to put mirror on corner of desk (mine) and
TRIM HER CHIN HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy fuck why do I work here????

I would love to see my boss's face if she ever found out what I do in her office when she leaves for the day!

I am not wearing underwear today. I love being in the office and knowing this. Anything to make my day a little more exciting :)

Don't some women realize how their cleavage can be disruptive to my work day?

Dear DJ the customer service guy, sorry I cussed in your ear this morning. Signed, the church secretary

It is only 10 AM and I already had to go to the Men's Room to "release" some stress! I hate working around beautiful women in the hot weather!!

I have finally figured out what my English degree is good for - completing my bosses online literature homework. Nice.

To the new 23 year old in my office with the giant boobs hanging out every day.. do you think we don’t notice how you like to lean over the VP’s desk and give him an eyeful every time? Guest what we call you behind your back: the new whore. Welcome!

I know that I am sunburnt DUMBASSES!! Yes, I know there is this stuff called sun block. I had it on! DO not TOUCH ME, or you WILL draw back a BLOODY NUB... thank you ASSHATS

I hate this place so much that I lie about where I work

My fuckhead boss is constantly complaning that his office stinks. Maybe that’s because every time he leaves, I go in there and fart

My boss is out! But he'll manage to call 10,000 times and come in at 4:30 bcs he has NO life and wants to make sure all his little employees are working.. F off already! WE ARE WORKING BUT YOU MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO GET ANYTHING DONE!

What an asshat! He's going to play golf, and I'm stuck here with his work too. A meteor needs to hit my boss, NOW! That'll mess up his fricken round of golf with his asshat cronies. This blows.

About six months I stopped up the women’s toilet with a huge poop after eating Mexican. I flushed and flushed but it wouldn’t budge- I guess I wiped too much. I stayed in the stall until the coast was clear and slipped out so no one saw me. Then the office manager asked me to call facilities to get it fixed! That poor janitor.

my boss is a total fucking asshole but he’s so hot that I would still fuck him if he asked. am I terrible?

I fucked the nice older lady who answers the phones up front at my office. she’s like everybody’s mom but I nailed her after the christmas party. We were both drunk. One of the best fucks ever. She rode me like a phreak! A real spinner at 55. I’m going back for more this weekend. maybe she’ll make me a sandwich and some soup too.

I am going to packing tape you to the break room wall.

I was mouthing *I hate you* to a woman in the bathroom while I was in the stall. I burped while mouthing it. Um. I said I hate you in a burp.

Look here skank nurse practitioner, everyone knows you are the world's biggest shit-stirrer. Calling other clinicians and trying to get them pissed at management and cause a mutiny is only going to bite you in the ass. We have all seen your HR file and are just waiting for you to mess up. You won't be able to keep your mouth shut for long!

Commercials Of The Day: Molson (NSFW)

Funny, eh? And not all that new, but whatever, it's Thursday.

From Patrick T.,
and partly inspired by a post on Jessica O-Face's blog.




Classic 80s Music Video Of The Day

I liked this song in the 80s, but then, I liked my Members Only jacket in the 80s too.


Simon's Best "American Idol" Zingers Of The Day

I dunno, some of these don't seem so bad. I wonder if they only picked ones they could find video for (which you can see by clicking any photo). My favorite is the Sanjaya dig, probably because that's the only season of Idol that I watched. From EW.com.

------

The cranky British judge is famous for his brutal honesty; here, we collect our favorite zingers from his first seven seasons of judging live 'Idol' performances. By Michael Slezak, Kate Ward.


ASHLEY HARTMAN

''When you started to sing, the first thing that went through my mind was you sound like someone who should be singing on a cruise ship. And then halfway through the song, I imagined the ship sinking.'' — to Ashley Hartman, after her Season 2 semifinal performance of ''Touch Me in the Morning''



JANAY CASTINE

''Let me use a horoscope analogy...a suitcase and plane travel within 24 hours.'' — to Janay Castine, after her Season 4 semifinal rendition of ''Dreaming of You''



GARRETT HALEY

''You look terrified...And it looks as if you've been shut up in your bedroom for about a month — verging on haunted, pale. You know what I mean? You need some fresh air.'' — to Garrett Haley, after his Season 7 semifinal take on ''Breaking Up Is Hard to Do''



CONSTANTINE MAROULIS

''It would be rather like ordering a guard dog for your home and getting delivered a poodle in a leather jacket. It's not the real thing.'' — to Constantine Maroulis, after his Top 11 performance of ''I Think I Love You'' during Season 4



JIM VERRAROS

''Dear, dear, dear, dear. Olympics...well, the two people who came on before you ran the 100 meters in 10 seconds. You ran it in five minutes. That's the difference.'' — to Jim Verraros, after his version of ''Easy'' in Top 10 week of Season 1



SANJAYA MALAKAR

''I think the little girl's face says it all.'' — gesturing to a sobbing Ashley Furl after Sanjaya Malakar's Season 6 cover of ''You Really Got Me''



KRISTY LEE COOK

''You sounded like Dolly Parton on helium.'' — to Kristy Lee Cook, after her Top 12 performance of ''Eight Days a Week'' during Season 7



HEATHER PICCININI

''You are a beautiful girl, but you're ugly when you perform.'' — to Heather Piccinini, after her Season 3 semifinal cover of ''New Attitude''



BOBBY BENNETT

''If you hear a scream from a hotel room in Las Vegas, that's where Barry Manilow's watching this show...I'm sort of with Randy [in agreeing the performance was entertaining], but horror films entertain me. You know, it's a different kind of entertainment.'' — to Bobby Bennett, after his Season 5 semifinal cover of ''Copacabana''



HALEY SCARNATO

''Can I tell you the problem? Do you know what I said to Paula halfway through the song. I don't know your name... [to Paula's reply that her name is ''Haley''] What's her surname?'' — to Haley Scarnato, who had just finished her Season 6 semifinal take on ''If My Heart Had Wings,'' which incidentally marked her third straight week of live performances in front of Simon



BUCKY COVINGTON

''I've got to talk about this Jessica Simpson hairstyle. I mean, seriously, that has got to go!'' — to Bucky Covington, after his Top 12 week cover of ''Superstition'' in Season 5



ASHLEY THOMAS

''What that reminded me of when I was sitting here was like, instead of being on the stage of American Idol, you're at a local rodeo, you've just been crowned the prom queen, and it was like the song before you lasso a bull. I'm being serious...It's everything, Ashley. It's just...sweet. Like Paula used to be many, many years ago.'' — to Ashley Thomas after her Season 3 semifinal performance of ''Crazy''


David Caruso Acting Diagram Of The Day

From GoodBuddy and Cracked.com (in case you missed their watermark on the photo).


Steven Seagal Emotion Chart Of The Day

The man has range. It's subtle, but it's there. From TheMovieGuru.


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