Thursday, March 12, 2009

FOLOTD Birthday Of The Day

It's that time once again. Please join me in wishing Smokiechick a very happy birthday today. Hope it's a great one, Smokie.

Onion News Story Of The Day: FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

From The Onion.

Unfortunate Retro Commercial Of The Day

From the makers of Can-Certs and Lollipox weight-loss candies.

Link from Paul.

8 Sex Myths You Shouldn't Believe

Hard to believe that anyone in the 21st century still thinks like this, but then, it's Fox News we're talking about here. My only contributions are the notes in italics and the three additional points at the end of the list.

From Audra, who was as amused by this goofy 1950's-sounding list as I was.

They come up time and time again, those seemingly credible bits about sex that consumer magazines love to regurgitate. Many have been around for so long that they’ve become accepted as truth, but they are not. Here are eight of the most enduring sex myths.

1. A female is not a virgin if she does not have a hymen.

Societies around the world still believe that an intact hymen is proof of a woman's virginity (or fugliness). In these cultures, “chaste” women are ones who can be married off. What they don’t know is that some females can stretch or break their hymens through a variety of activities, like sports (?!) or tampon use. Furthermore, many hymens are merely stretched – not torn – during first-time intercourse (with that pencil-dicked 16yo).

2. Men are more visually stimulated than women.

A study in the journal Brain Research indicates otherwise. Researchers measured the brainwave activity of women viewing slides of erotic and non-erotic images. Naturally, the brainwave activity became markedly different with the erotic slides. But what threw off researchers is that the female participants responded as strongly as men do to such imagery (i.e. we're all repulsed by the sight of hairy, sweaty balls.)

3. Only women can have multiple orgasms.

Females are not alone; men too can experience several non-ejaculatory orgasms in a row during a single sex session. This happens when: (A) a man has strengthened his pelvic muscles for greater control (by having an office on the other end of the building from the bathroom); (B) he has learned to back off from the “point of ejaculatory inevitability,” making his ultimate orgasm even stronger; or (C) he's been spankin' it so much that there's nothing left to ejaculate.

(Wait. Women have orgasms?)

4. Being uncircumcised is unhygienic.

For decades, parents in the U.S. have been circumcising their infant sons in the name of cleanliness. Only recently have parents started to second-guess the idea (blood and screaming can have that effect). As long as the foreskin is retracted during bathing, uncircumcised males are no more likely than circumcised males to develop problems with their penis caused by poor hygiene. (They are, however, more likely to be called "Sausage Dick" or "Ol' Turtlehead by their high-school friends in the gym shower.)

5. A woman must be in love to climax.


6. Men do not have sensitive nipples.

Lots of men have nipples that are sensitive, if not very sensitive. While society tends to regard this erogenous zone as one for a lady’s pleasuring, some men’s nipples are more sensitive than a woman’s. Likewise, not all women have sensitive nipples (because plucking hair from them every day can cause loss of feeling.)

7. A woman must have an orgasm in order to conceive.

Not true, of course. However, British biologists found that when a woman has an orgasm from one minute before to 45 minutes after her partner (goes to sleep), she retains a much greater amount of sperm than she does after non-orgasmic sex. Muscular contractions associated with orgasm pull the sperm into the cervix, making fertilization more likely.

(A woman must have an orgasm, however, in order to go out with you again.)

8. Men’s members need to be handled with care.

Just about any bloke will tell you that while his valuables are just that –- valuable –- he can handle a bit of (wo)manhandling. The key to figuring out just how much he can take, and where, is a matter of communication ("OW!!! FUCKING HELL!!! Watch the goddamn teeth!!" for example). Lovers need to talk about what grips, touches, and tugs feel good, especially since every guy is unique.


Ok, I'll add a few:

9. Women like to be slapped on the ass and have their hair pulled during sex

Not all of them. One does, but she was the exception, not the rule, and I think she was just really excited about being at her first NASCAR race.

10. Guys get hornier when they drink

Yes and no. Most guys do tend to get frisky after an adult beverage or two, but after ten more of those beverages, closing the sale becomes a problem... not of desire, but of ability. See: whiskey dick.

11. Sexual partners love it when you put your finger up their butt

Some do, some don't. Better to ask first, because if you do it to someone who doesn't want it, you might lose that finger when their sphincter clamps shut like a trap.

QOTD: What's Your Dream Job?

What career would you choose if nothing else (money, age, location, family situation, etc.) was a factor?


Great Moments In Local News, Vol. 2

After Lefty sent me the first clip, I realized it was time for a complete new volume of these, because they make me laugh. My favorite is the story about Christmas tree lights.

Here's Volume 1 in case you missed it.


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