Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The 10 Most Special "Very Special" TV Episodes Of The Day

I hate "very special" episodes. Why? I'm gonna tell you why:

1) They usually occur on sitcoms, and if sitcom-watchers wanted drama, they'd watch dramas. Stick to one-dimensional comedy and leave drama to the professionals.

2) They're about as subtle as an elephant on ice skates, always jamming some lame-ass, obvious moral down our throats (Smoking is bad! Don't show the mailman your pecker!)

3) Sitcom actors are even less equipped to do drama than they are to do comedy. It's like asking Dom DeLuise to swim the English Channel.

4) I don't need a life lesson from Gary Coleman or Tootie or The Fonz or the writers of "Major Dad."

5) Often, "very special" episode = shark jump. Meaning, this show now officially sucks and will continue to suck even harder with every sucky episode.

Ok, on to the post. From Best Week Ever:

"One of the many sitcom trademarks are “Very Special Episodes“, where writers dropped the comedy in order to address the more serious issues plaguing the American community at large. And while the tradition continues today, it goes without saying that no “very special episodes” are specialler than those from the 1970s and 80s, a time when political correctness did not exist, but “kidnapping” and “rape” and “The Doobie Brothers” sure did."

9. Silver Spoons, “Me and Mr. T”

What Hulu Says: Edward hires Mr. T. to teach Ricky how to defend himself.

What We Say: OMFG SILVER SPOONS IS ON HULU?!?! sdlkfjslkdfjsldkjfskj! At 7:40, dreams come true when Mr. T rolls in looking FLY AS HALE. This is easily one of the best videos that exists online and in our memories.




8. What’s Happening, “Doobie Or Not Doobie”.

What Hulu Says: The bootleggers force the guys into tape recording the concert but while everyone is jumping around, the tape recorder falls out from under Rerun’s coat and right in full view of The Doobie Brothers.

What We Say: The Doobie Brothers have been ripping off black music their entire career. It’s about time Rerun got something out of it!



7. The Partridge Family, “Road Song”.

What Hulu Says: The Partridge family becomes involved with a young, runaway girl.

What We Say: We’re preeeeetty sure this Grandpa character molested her? (chin scratching…) Either way, we believe this is the first documented use of the old timey catch phrase “Go Suck An Egg!”



4. Welcome Back Kotter, “WHODUNNIT”

What Hulu Says: Rosalie is sick of the Sweathogs making up rumors about her being “easy,” so she tells them she is pregnant and that one of them is the father to force them to come clean about their “fun dates.”

What We Say: Gives special meaning to the whole “Up your nose with a rubber hose.” (Wait, what?) And how did people not demand a Sex and the City-style Welcome Back Kotter movie is beyond us. ps Rosalie is a slootskie.



3. The Facts of Life, “Fear Strikes Back”

What Hulu Says: The ugliness of sexual violation rocks the Eastland School when “unlikely” target Natalie (Mindy Cohn) is assaulted on her way home from a campus party.

What We Say: One of the few episodes on this list to give us real, human chills. On the bright side, 5:10 features Natalie’s classic “Charlie Chaplin” impression. And you know what they say about girl’s in Hitler staches… they’re asking for it.



2. Who’s The Boss, “Samantha’s Growing”

What Hulu Says: Tony’s daughter, Sam, slips into womanhood.

What We Say: What little girl wouldn’t want to go bra shopping with Tony Danza? Watch this clip for the best “Cross Your Heart” joke you’ll ever hear. Also, that Monawhat a sassy bitch.




See the rest here at BestWeekEver.tv.


371 Euphemisms For Female Masturbation, 1-120 (NSFW)


Some are nasty. All are naughty. Naughty, naughty, naughty.

From WorldwideWank.com (link from Frank).

3 Point Shot
A night in with the girls
Airing the orchid
Applying lip gloss
Applying nail polish remover
Auditioning the finger puppets
Automatic pilot
Banging the box
Bashing the gash
Basting the tuna
Basting your turkey
Bathing the kitty
Beating around the bush
Beating the Beaver
Brushing the beaver
Brushing your afro
Buffing the bead
Buffing the Weasel
Burying the knuckle
Butterin' the muffin
Buttering your bagel
Carpet bumping
Cat got tongue
Checking for depth
Checking for squirrels
Checking for the jackpot
Checking my oil
Checking the foxhole
Checking the muffler
Checking the oil
Checking the pulse
Checking the status of the I/O port
Circling the knoll
Clam bake for one
Cleaning between the camel's toes
Cleaning my fur coat
Cleaning the kitchen
Cleaning your fingers
Clit-o-Rama
Clitters
Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp
Coaxing the turtle out of her shell
Coming into your own
Copping a clam
Creamin'
Creamin' the pie
Cunt cuddling
Cunt rubbing
Defrosting the freezer
Dialing the rotary phone
Digging a trench
Digging for gold
Digging for my keys
Digging in
Digging the cream
Digitizing
Dipping
Dipping for ice cream
Diving for pearls
Diving for pennies
Doing my nails
Doing something for my chapped lips
Doing the sweet slide
Doing the two-finger slot rumba
Doing the two-finger ballet
Doing the two-finger salute
Doing your nails
Doodling the noodle
Double knuckling
Double-clicking your mouse
Dousing the digits
Draining your tuna
Drilling for fish
Drilling for oil
Drinking from the fountain of youth (for us contortionists)
Drinking from the furry cup
Driving Ms. Daisy
Dunking your doughnut
Dusting the endtable
Engaging in safe sex
Entering the forest
Entering the ring of fire
Erasing the problem
Excavating the Tunnel of Love
Exploring the bush
Fanning the fur
Feeding the bearded clam
Feeding the cat
Feeding the pony
Feeding your slot
Feeling your funnel
Fiddling the bean
Filling the pink taco
Filling your niche
Finding yourself
Finger bang
Finger blasting
Finger dipping
Finger fucking
Finger pie
Finger-pole the hole
Fingerbating
Fingering
Fingering something out
Fingerpainting
Finishing the job
Fishing
Fishing for cumpliments
Fishing for mackerel
Flash flood
Flickin' the bean
Flicking the switch
Flicking the tic tac
Flipping the light switch repeatedly
Flitting your clit
Flossing the cat
Fluffing the kitty
Fluffing the muff
Frigging
Fucking without complications


Commercial Of The Day: Bud Light

This is the kind of crap that always happens to me.

From Julie M.


Vid Of The Day: Mario, Narrated (NSFW)

All you gamers out there can probably relate to this guy, as I can. It's obviously staged, but still, he reminds me of me when I'm playing a new game. "Where the FUCK did that thing come from?!!"

The vid is long but you don't have to watch the whole thing to be amused.

NSFW for language. From Jason H.



February Engrish Roundup

Hirality are ensue.


Tastes like shi.... cken.


When you're trapped in a box, you gotta kill time somehow.


They said the same thing to Michael Jackson.


Most dogs don't care what color the meat is.


A.k.a. Happy Ending.


They need a meal, not a snack. Zing! Thank yewww!


Now you tell me.


And do not beatbox, either. Nobody likes that shit.


Georgia is depresso all right.


Ya creep!


That's why we don't tickle him.


Perfect for your Dell.


Because naked people make the best coffee.


Where Donald Trump shops.


I bet he needs to stretch after that trip.


Close the door and switch on the fun!


Gimme some o' dat ass meat, yo.


I hope I'm invited!

Unmentionable Of The Day: Bacon Bra

Wait.. what's that word I'm thinking of? Oh yeah.. FAIL. Whichever Japanese dude came up with this forgot that bacon probably needs to be, I dunno, COOKED to be appealing.

Coming soon: the sausage thong.

From InventorSpot.com.




Men love bacon, and men love boobs; so this strange new piece of lingerie, the bacon bra, just might be the best of both worlds.

From a woman's perspective, it's hard to say whether the bacon bra is a major fashion faux-pas or lingerie that meets every man's fantasy.
(From a woman's perspective, her boobs are now greasy and need to be washed to get the salmonella and bacon stink off of them.)

Ask any man and I'm sure they'll tell you the only thing more mouth watering than hearty slabs of crispy
(crispy = COOKED) bacon are a nice pair of breasts. This weird and wacky edible lingerie is manufactured completely from raw bacon and clearly doesn't offer any actual support for those with well-endowed boobs.



Sexy or disgusting, you decide. But we see this bacon and boob edible lingerie fashion enraging PETA and feminists worldwide.


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