Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Call For Participants - Photo Blog

From Sarah at Envisage 365:


I am looking for participants to take part in a collective photo journal called Photographic State. It is a sister blog to envisage365.blogspot.com.

Taking part would include taking a picture a day for 365 days and sending them to me. I do all the work from there.

If you would like you can take a look at Envisage to get an idea of how it works. I am limiting participation to 30 women this time around.

If you would like more information please email me at.....

photostate2009@gmail.com

and I will get an introductory letter out to you. Hope to hear from some of you soon!

Sarah


Btw, Sarah has promised to forward me all nudie pics submitted, so please make them extra hot. Thank you.


Infomercial Segment Of The Day: Dual Cleanse

Turned the TV on early this morning just in time to catch this delightful segment of a show for Dual Cleanse, a revolutionary new colon-cleaning formula.


Ok, couple of problems here. First of all, who the F is this guy? Dude, you might've been able to run this scam while you were in prison, or on the other fellas in the 'N Sync tribute band, but I'm not buying it.

Second, "the first time" you saw your 4yo daughter's bowel movement? What, you gotta sign off every time she drops a load? That's just creepy. Are you gonna let her approve your dump after you "cleanse"?

"Lookin' good, Daddy, but let's aim for a little more length next time out, ok?"

And guess what? It's phony baloney. Shocking, I know, so read this.


Classic 70s Music Video Of The Day

This one seems appropriate today. Jim, you might recall, had the hit song, "Spiders And Snakes."


Motivational Posters Of The Day, Vol. 10

This batch is a group effort from Keva, Jill B., Harmony, Hutchlover, Mandy, Willie, Angela and Heather T. I thank them all for the post fodder. My favorite is the misspelled one.
































Music Video Of The Day: Enter Sandman spoof

Speaking of Metallica.... The bottom left guy is my favorite.

Link from Melissa.



Petition Of The Day: Boycott Kellogg's


Boycott Kellogg's for their treatment of Michael Phelps (and because a box of sugar and flour shaped into flakes or circles should NOT cost five fricken dollars!!)


Humor from Lefty.

As in humorous, for laughs.


Unforgivable Snubs: 7 Reasons The Grammy Awards Suck

An abridged version of this hilarious article on Cracked.com

#7: BEST ROCK SONG (1992)

Grammy? Hell, in 1992 Nirvana deserved a Nobel Peace Prize.

When "Smells Like Teen Spirit" came out of left field to overtake the pop and rock landscape, it also had the pleasing side effect of wiping glitzy, overproduced, bloated hair metal bands right off the map. For this, rock fans almost everywhere (trailer park residents excluded) are eternally thankful.

Nobody had ever heard anything like Nevermind (except for those few odd people who were familiar with the countless bands that Nirvana was "influenced" by). Such a musical revelation couldn't possibly go unrecognized.

And the winner is....


Of course it could go unrecognized. This is the Grammys. When the Grammys see young rock bands, they shake their cane at them and tell them to get off their lawn. In what would turn out to become a disturbing trend of dishing out big awards to undeserving rockers long past their prime, the gold for Best Rock Song went to Eric Clapton's unplugged, watered-down version of "Layla."

#6. ALBUM OF THE YEAR/BEST POP PERFORMANCE/POP VOCAL ALBUM (2000)

Let's not kid ourselves, the Grammy voters were dealing with some extremely slim pickings in 2000. Pop music was ruled by boy bands, rock was ruled by the likes of Korn and Limp Bizkit, and rap was at the height of it's diamond-encrusted, Rolex-wearing, Bentley-driving materialistic douchebag phase.


There were, however, a couple of bright moments. Radiohead made everyone wait what seemed like 20 years to release Kid A, the follow up to their instant classic OK Computer. Then there was Eminem. Was The Marshall Mathers LP controversial? Sure, but it was also the most compelling album to come from a major artist in who knows how many years.

Good thing they were both nominated for Album of the Year! For once, the Grammys would be forced to recognize artistic merit over commercial appeal. There was no way they could screw this up.

And the winner is....


We stand corrected, they could definitely screw this up. Instead of inviting controversy by giving the award to Eminem (too homophobic) or Radiohead (too original), Grammy voters chose Steely Dan, who had released their first album in almost 20 years (which was a big deal, according to our parents). Why? Because Grammy voters are pussies.

#5: BEST NEW ARTIST (1978)

There were really just two nominees for the 1978 Grammy for Best New Artist: Elvis Costello and everybody else. By the time the awards ceremony rolled around, he had already recorded two of the most enduring albums to emerge from the late '70s punk/new wave movement, and had already established himself as the most promising young songwriter to come along in years. Elvis was a lock.

And the winner is....


By early 1979, public sentiment towards disco music had turned from love to scorn to outright hate. After the success of the film Saturday Night Fever, major record labels had saturated the airwaves with as much synthesizer and drum machine-based boogie nonsense as they could. Finally, people snapped.

So, in the opinion of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, what new artist best symbolized the massive shift in popular opinion that was taking place in the late 1970s? Naturally, that would be one-hit wonder disco band, A Taste of Honey.

#4: BEST RAP PERFORMANCE, DUO OR GROUP (1991)

By 1991, the Grammy Award for Best Rap Performance had only been in existence for three years and a strong case could be made that Public Enemy deserved to win every one of them. Had their first loss in 1988 not been overshadowed by the most ludicrous snub in Grammy history also taking place on the same night (foreshadowing alert!), the fact that the first rap Grammy ever was handed to anyone other than PE might have gone down in Grammy infamy.

The next year, their anthemic single "Fight the Power" was passed over in favor of perennial wedding dance favorite "Bust a Move" by Young MC. Yep, Young MC has a Grammy. Then in 1990, they lost to a song from a goddamned Quincy Jones album.

So 1991 arrived and for the third straight year, Public Enemy received a nomination for Best Rap Performance. In what seemed like a clear hint that this was to be their night, their entire album, Apocalypse '91, was up against a bunch of singles. Surely, PE wouldn't get the shaft for a fourth year in a row.

And the winner is...

Obviously, the Grammy for Best Rap Performance recognizes "outstanding achievement in the field of being the rapper that frightens white people the least." That is the only criteria that would qualify "Summertime," an overly sentimental song about longing for the days when it was still warm out (about six months earlier at the time), as deserving of anything other than an immediate visit to the fast forward button.

#3: ALBUM OF THE YEAR (1980)

Frank Sinatra, Billy Joel, Barbra Streisand, Pink Floyd, Christopher Cross ... one of these things is not like the other. The nominees for Album of the Year in 1980 consisted of four legends and one pudgy newcomer best known for the theme song from the Dudley Moore movie Arthur. You've been reading this far, so you know what happens next, let's just get it over with.

And the winner is...

When up against a group like that, there isn't even an award that you could invent that Christopher Cross would deserve. Seriously, give it a shot. Even Streisand would hand him his ass if the award was for "album we're least likely to listen to."

Still, Christopher Cross took home five (count 'em!) awards in 1980. In addition to Album of the Year, he took home Best Record, Best Song and Best New Artist. If there had been a "Best Musician in the History of Anything Ever" award, he probably would've won that too.



#2: BEST ROCK & ROLL RECORDING (1966)

The Best Rock & Roll Recording category in 1966 was so jam packed with awesome that even the "blindfolded man chucking darts at nominees" method could have yielded a deserving winner.

The list included several future classics: "Eleanor Rigby" (The Beatles), "Good Vibrations" (The Beach Boys), "Last Train To Clarksville" (The Monkees), "Cherish" (The Association) and "Monday Monday" (The Mamas and the Papas). Take your pick, it's all magic baby!

Oh yeah, some bullshit novelty single called "Winchester Cathedral" was nominated also, but, they wouldn't dare. Right?

Yes, they would. And the winner is....



You would think that by 1966, the people who picked the Grammy Award winners would have had a fairly decent grasp on what rock 'n roll music actually was. But as it turned out, either they had no idea or we've been rocking completely wrong for the past 42 years. Because apparently, in 1966, nothing rocked quite as hard as this...


The Grammy for Best Rock & Roll Recording in 1966 didn't go to a rock band. It went to a group of studio musicians for a goofy slice of pop-zaniness that mixes the kind of music your great-grandmother used to do the Charleston to with vocals sung through a megaphone to make them sound old-timey, except they were sung through a hand instead. Trying to replicate the sound of "Good Vibrations" over an entire album drove Brian Wilson insane, and these guys couldn't even be bothered to buy a fucking megaphone.

When The Monkees are nominated for a Grammy and they still aren't the least credible choice, you know it's a dark day.


#1: BEST METAL PERFORMANCE (1988)

It could be argued that without Metallica, there would never even have been a Grammy Award for Best Metal Performance. It had been nearly 20 years since Black Sabbath pretty much invented heavy metal, but most agree that Metallica perfected it, and spawned a whole genre of imitators.

So when the NARAS decided to add an award for Best Metal Performance, as far as most everyone was concerned the ceremony itself was just a formality. This was the award that Metallica built, giving it to anyone else would be unthinkable. Right?

And the winner is....



Seriously, Jethro Tull? Like, "Aqualung" Jethro Tull? There is an old saying that goes "you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you'll never fool anybody into believing that a band that has a motherfucking lead flautist is even kind of metal." Or something like that.

Sure, Jethro Tull could crank out tunes about dragons and ancient beasts with the best of them, but that doesn't make them Dio for fuck's sake! Did we mention the lead singer played the flute?

Like no other band before or after, Metallica was robbed at the 1988 Grammy Awards, marking the first and last time anybody would ever feel sympathetic to the plight of Lars Ulrich.

Vid Of The Day: Do A Barrel Roll

This will only make sense if you played StarFox on N64.

"Thanks, Fox, I thought they had me."



Onion News Story Of The Day: Local Dog Finds Perfect Place To Shit

From The Onion.



Dog Finds Absolutely Perfect Place To Shit

PORTLAND, OR—After carefully examining every inch of sidewalk within a four block radius of his home Tuesday, local dog Sigmund, 4, finally found the absolutely perfect place to squat down on his hind legs and void his bowels.

The Border Collie mix — who bypassed a series of nearly perfect spots to deposit his feces — scanned the ground for a full seven minutes before eventually locating the 4-by-5-inch region that exhibited an ideal synthesis of ground texture, smell, and plant-life proximity.

Sigmund then carefully strained out two and one quarter lengths of excrement onto the ideal site, approximately 11 inches from the curb and 4 inches from a street sign soaked in another dog's urine.

This marked Sigmund's most successful location hunt today, surpassing an earlier incident in which the dog found a pretty okay place to vomit.



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