Friday, February 6, 2009

Classic Comedy Clip Of The Day: Kill Me Please (NSFW)

My favorite part of The Wedding Singer. Not Sandler's best movie (that would be Happy Gilmore), but it has its moments.

If you aren't familiar with the movie, Adam plays a wedding singer who......... ah fuck it. You'll figure it out.

NSFW for language.

And as long as we're on the subject, here's some Happy Gilmore for you clown haters.

And my other favorite scene from HG.

22 Things To Know About "The Love Boat"

To commemorate the 30th anniversary of the debut of TV's "The Love Boat" in 2007, Entertainment Weekly got the cast together to talk about the show, then ran a great article about it. I grew up watching TLB, and yes, it was dreck, but dreck with sentimental value to me.

A few notable bits from the article...

1) Dick Van Patten ("Eight Is Enough") was the first ship's doctor. He played the role in the first TLB that ever aired, a two-hour movie in 1976.

2) Gavin MacLeod almost passed. His agent read the pilot script and said, “It sucks,” but MacLeod read anyway: "I believed in it. I said, 'I'm going to make people forget their own problems and vicariously see the rest of the world.' I did it because I thought it would be a hit.''

3) Lauren Tewes got the role of Julie,the night before shooting began. Tewes: "I had to borrow money to get a new tire, because my '62 Volkswagen Bug was not going to get to San Pedro."

4) It almost wasn’t made. Aaron Spelling had two shows in the works at ABC -- The Love Boat and "The San Pedro Beach Bums" -- and many execs were higher on the latter. But then-ABC Entertainment President Fred Silverman pushed and got TLB greenlit, and it lasted nine seasons. San Pedro Beach Bums was killed after half a season.

5) Yes, it was formula TV. But you already knew that. Each show was written with three stories -- one romance, one comedy, one drama -- and all had to have a happy ending… the famous “Page 58 resolution,” as they called it.

6) Critics hated it. The New York Times called it ''dreadful porridge,'' while The Washington Post declared that ''shows like Love Boat pull the median level of mediocrity down to unfathomable lows.'' Producers had trouble getting good writers to work on the show; no one wanted to be associated with it.

7) It made Charo a star. The guest most associated with the show (she was on eight times), Charo was cast after Spelling saw her act in Las Vegas. Charo: ''Never in history [did] a producer give so many chances to so many people, and one of those people was me. 'Cuchi-cuchi' showed me the way to the bank. That bulls--- make me rich."

8) Gavin MacLeod, sex symbol. MacLeod: "They had made it twice before with handsome captains with hair. Then they said, 'Let's go with the dumpy little Irishman with no hair, and maybe they'll buy it.'" And they did. "I got a lot of letters about my legs," says MacLeod.

9) How Ted Lange came up with Isaac’s signature grin-and-point move. Lange: “They set up a fake little bar and said, ‘Smile into the lens.' 'You're kidding me, right?' So being an actor, I said, 'Why am I smiling?' The director said: 'Think of your check.' And I went, 'What's my motivation? [grins and points] You're getting paid, a—hole! Riiight!

10) It relaunched dormant careers. Lange: “Fred and me, when the old-timers came on, it was like two virgins after a hooker. I bought Gene Kelly a drink in Hong Kong. He says, 'Let me pay for this.' I said, 'Oh, no — I want to be able to tell my kids I bought Gene Kelly a drink in Hong Kong.'

11) They could get almost anyone they wanted. More than 1,000 guest stars boarded The Love Boat, from future A-listers (Tom Hanks, Billy Crystal) to film legends (Ginger Rogers, Douglas Fairbanks Jr.) to athletes and artists (Reggie Jackson, Andy Warhol).The day after Vanessa Williams won the Miss America pageant, TLB had her booked to play Isaac’s love interest.

12) Except Ronald Reagan. He was governor of California at the time, running for President. His people told TLB, ''There's just no way Governor Reagan is doing this.'' Then they asked for Nancy instead, and were laughed at.

13) They did it for the kids. Capt. Stubing’s daughter Vicki (Jill Whelan, the only cast member who declined to participate in the article) was added in Season 3, not because of sagging ratings, but because producers wanted more younger viewers.

14) It had to keep Julie asexual. The cast started asking for more screen time; one result was the ill-fated storyline of Julie and Gopher becoming romantically involved in Season 4. Tewes: “Fred and I kissed and went, 'Oh. That's not right.'... [Fans] thought we were perfect together. Of course, that would have involved Julie doing more than kissing a man once, and Julie didn't do that. That's why I loved Julie.”

15) Bernie Kopell, sex symbol. While filming an episode on an actual cruise ship, says Kopell, “A very nice-looking woman sailed across the dining room and said, ‘Dr. Bricker, I just want you to know that whenever I masturbate, I fantasize about you.’”

16) It got Fred Grandy burned to a crisp. In 1982, an off-set taxi accident in Turkey left Grandy with severe burns on his hands and face. Grandy: “They get me to the ship. [The doctor] says, ‘I have a confession. I am not a physician.’ He was a first-year medical student who'd conned his way on to the ship to meet girls. He didn't even know how to put in an IV. Fortunately [a crew member] was a junkie, so I got the medication I needed."

17) It made Lauren Tewes a cokehead. Tewes: “I had a very unhappy first marriage. I was working really hard at work, long hours. I did not handle it well at all. I was doing recreational cocaine that just got more and more. I was making too much money. It was the '70s, it was the time to do it.... I take total responsibility for my stupidity. I just put it down one day. I had to stop...[but] it was too little, too late. I had already damaged the trust of the people I was working for.”

18) Julie got the ax. During contract renegotiations for Season 8, Tewes says the producers offered her a pay cut: “I decided I was responsible for costing them a lot of money and I really messed up, so I said, ‘I will accept that as a punishment.’ Then I got a call: ‘They decided not to pick up your contract.’ Then it was in the tabloids that I'd asked for a million dollars.”

19) Julie got blackballed. Tewes struggled to find work: “I was blacklisted. Years later people say, ‘We couldn't hire you then. The word was out on you.’ I would go on interviews and they would make fun of me. I was punished.”

20) TLB started dying in the mid-80s. Producers tried to reinvigorate the series, tapping show-killer Ted McGinley as photographer Ace and introducing the singing, dancing Love Boat Mermaids (Look! Teri Hatcher!). It didn’t work.

21) The handwriting was on the wall. Kopell: “They even changed [the theme song]. All of a sudden it wasn't Jack Jones singing anymore, it was Dionne Warwick.” Lange: “One day I went back to craft service. Nothing but a can of Cheez Whiz and Ritz crackers. I said, ‘Well, we're out of here.’”

22) RIP. The Love Boat series concluded in May 1986 after 217 telecasts. Three 2-hour specials aired the next season, though without Grandy; he'd departed to run for Congress.

Where are they now?

Gavin McLeod, 77
A spokesman/ambassador for Princess Cruises, and honorary mayor of Pacific Palisades, Calif.

Fred Grandy, 59
The former four-term congressman from Iowa and ex-CEO of Goodwill Industries cohosts the news/talk-radio program The Grandy & Andy Morning Show on WMAL in Washington, D.C.

Cynthia Lauren Tewes, 53
After graduating from culinary school and becoming a cheese specialist, Tewes has returned to acting. She'll star in Craig Lucas' Iraq war-themed play A Prayer for My Enemy, in New Haven, Conn.

Ted Lange, 59
A director and playwright, he appeared in 2008's Senior Skip Day, as well as the drama Last of the Romantics.

Bernie Kopell, 74
Kopell had shot a cameo for the film version of Get Smart, reprising his role as Siegfried. He performs in regional theater, and recently appeared in one of Lange's plays, George Washington's Boy.

January Engrish Roundup

EOTD selections from last month, all courtesy of

They always watch me like a hawk

"With a step in the head, and a flick to the right, you catch the mirror way out west..."

"Hey, can I bum a cock off you?"

If we disagree, fuck you. Shogafuckinai!

Great with a Vagisil chaser!

Not as important as Hooligan.

Public bench legs taste too gamey.

With ginseng, so you'll have lots of energy in the last few moments of your life.

All stylists are busy at the moment, sorry.

Mmmm.. that's good panda.

If you like smoking turkey cock, you'll love the bear thang.

New Ass Drink was a total flop, so they've gone back to the original formula.

Work like magic!

Yeah, where's my gift, ho?!

I'm gonna pass on the cigar, thanks.

"God bress Amelica, rand that I ruv..."

Cold crap tastes like shit.

Hurt me because I like it.

Dried Koreans cost too much.

A.k.a. Dirty Knees Dyspepsia

"Chocolate puke is a blend of chocolate, nuts, milk, corn, vinegar, beer, hot wings, tequila, chili, frankfurters and tomato sauce over homemade vanilla ice cream, served over a fresh urinal cake."

Yeah, get that tuned, will ya?

Vid Of The Day: Beatnix Do Beatles Do Led Zeppelin

I guess you'd call this a mash-up. From The Beatnix, an Australian Beatles cover band.

Thanks, JackieYo, for the link.

Vid Of The Day: Jive Ass Monkey (NSFW)

I'd seen this vid before but not with the narration. Funny as hell, and VERY NSFW.

From Rhonda, who's jus' up the road from me in TN.

Chart Of The Day: Heavy Metal Band Names

It all makes sense now. From Mme. G.



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