Tuesday, December 1, 2009

News Story Of The Day: Boarding School Student Receives Wet William

Kids are relentlessly cruel. From The Onion.


Boarding School Student Receives Wet William


DEERFIELD, MA—Deerfield Academy first-year Foster R. Poole III told reporters Monday that he had received yet another Wet William from a group of upperclassmen who reportedly torment the 14-year-old private school student relentlessly.

"If they're not administering a painful Charles Horse to my thigh, then they're manhandling my scalp with a series of rough Baron Von Noogingtons," Poole said while drying his ear with a monogrammed handkerchief.

"And just last week those ruffians forced my head into a lavatory toilet and gave me the Aqua Coriolis of a lifetime. Simply outrageous behavior."

Poole said he plans to try out for the coxswain position on the academy's varsity crew team, a gambit for increased popularity he hopes will curtail the painful Wedgewoods he often receives while changing in the gymnasium locker room.


9 comments:

  1. This made me laugh! Poor Foster. There must be a bunch of bullies at his school. I bet they give him Turkish towel Snappingtons in the shower too.

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  2. I come to your blog whenever I need a good chuckle. Has someone led you to "The People of Walmart" website yet? Another source of inspiration :-)(www.peopleofwalmart.com)

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  3. OMG this place is about 30 minutes from where I live, how sad....but yet how funny! What is the "coxswain position" Sounds kindy gross.

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  4. This is definitely a hee hee. Wedgewood!

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  5. Some guys need to have their ascots kicked.

    wv - unbutr: what Fabio sells

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  6. can't go wrong with an Onion story. my favorite is still the halloween costumes for lady boys. "this one's good for what i like to call a prancer".

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