1. What I Should Have Said
2. What I Said
A classic from New York magazine.
1. I loved last night, Jane.
2. I loved last night, Joan.
1. Look, there's a lot of traffic, and he's probably been stuck in a meeting all day and didn't get your message, or he would have called. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.
2. Maybe he's dead.
1. No, your ass looks great in that.
2. A little.
1. A baby? How wonderful! Congratulations!
2. Who's the father?
1. How can I ever thank you for pulling my grandson from that icy river?
2. Where are his mittens?
1. If you'll forgive me for not answering the question, I'll forgive you for asking it.
2. 46
1. Tolstoy, Proust and the Bible
2. I dunno, maybe some Grisham and a sudoku book.
1. Your mother is very attractive.
2. Who's that disgusting beast in the pants suit?
1. I'm an atheist.
2. The Unification Church? Why no, I haven't. What is it?
1. Yes, I'd weep too if someone took my parking spot.
2. Are you PMS?
1. I'm single.
2. Well, uh, I was married, but he -- uh, I mean I -- didn't.. well.. I'm not really married now, you know... at the present time...
1. That's really none of your business.
2. Because no one ever asked me.
Sammy Talks About Ronnie
2 hours ago
Posts
I love these! Someone did once ask me who the father was when I was pregnant. Once.
ReplyDeleteIf I hadn't blocked them all out, I would have a whole list of my own for you.
ReplyDeleteSometimes a shitty memory is a blessing.
1. Nothing.
ReplyDelete2. Are you pregnant?
These were awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Liz; I immediately repress my own faux pas. I sleep better that way.
I make it a policy, whenever someone tells me they're pregnant, to ask: "Is it mine?" Except for my sister.
ReplyDeleteMost will laugh, because they know my ways, but some vomit in terror.
Oh, Bev, I got asked once if I was "great with child." Told the dude I was merely "great". Never wore that dress again.
ReplyDeleteand that u r, mama.
ReplyDeleteThanks, T-Ro!
ReplyDeleteLove today's motivational poster, by the way.
Love the foot in the mouth picture for this!
ReplyDeleteYour header line today made me laugh too. Why do people do that? They pull a box of sour milk out of the refrigerator and take a whiff of it themselves, and then after saying "Ewww," they hand it to you and tell you to smell it too. Why on earth would anyone want to do that? HA! :D
1. Yes, I'd weep too if someone took my parking spot.
ReplyDelete2. Are you PMS?
And this is why I have a scar behind my left ear.
Oh and Daisy, I just do it to see the look on the other person's face. Sometimes I'll keep a half gallon of milk in the fridge long past its expiration date just for that reason...
But they ALWAYS smell it after you say "Ewww!" Always.
ReplyDeleteOH no, I definitely learned my lesson. When told to smell something my reaction is either, "why?" or "uh-uh, no way."
ReplyDeleteNever again.
Nice one Frank.
ReplyDeleteLove these. Very classic.