Monday, February 7, 2011

15 Lamest Rock Star Deaths Of The Day

I'm bumping this one in honor of the latest comment. I love it when people get their panties in a twist about rock stars.


Rock stars are meant to live hard and die young. There’s an unbelievably long list of rock stars who died at 27, including Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, and Janis Joplin. They kicked it the rock star way: gun shot, pool of vomit, heroin overdose. What about the rock stars who kicked the bucket in some very un-rock and roll ways, like most of us? Here are 15 of the lamest.



Hardly anyone gave a damn about Nick Drake’s music while he was alive, perhaps because he refused to perform live or give interviews. Drake quit making music and moved back into his parents’ basement. “I don’t like it at home,” he told his mother, “but I can’t bear it anywhere else.” How emo. Nick died in his parents’ basement of an overdose of anti-depressants, making him the perfect poster boy for hipsters.



Disco pop singer Andy Gibb, the brother of disco sensations Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb (better known as The Bee Gees) died at the age of 30 from a viral infection, likely contracted from all that polyester.



Lynyrd Skynyrd might lead all rock bands for the number of weird deaths, and guitarist Allen Collins was at the center of it all. When a plane crash killed most of the members of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Collins survived. In the 80s, Collins wrecked his car while under the influence, killing his girlfriend. Collins survived but was paralyzed. He ended up dying of pneumonia, making him the a real-life version of Final Destination.



Jethro Tull bassist Glascock partied with the best of them. Ian Anderson warned him about his partying, before finally laying him off from the band. Despite all that partying, Glascock died of pretty unglamorous causes — a heart infection caused by bad teeth. He must have been using Hedley & Wyche.



INXS singer Hutchence died from hanging himself, which is kind of rock star by itself. The problem is that Hutchence was naked and left no suicide note. So, it looks like he died of autoerotic asphyxiation. So he was naked, alone, and beating off. Rock stars are supposed to have groupies to handle all of that.



Kath, guitarist for lite-pop perpetrators, Chicago, was a big gun enthusiast. One night at a roadie’s house, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, you know, for fun. Kath’s last words were “Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.” Oops.



The night before he died, Steve -- a founding member of the band T Rex -- went on a big morphine binge, so he was doing his damnest to go out like a rock star. He lived through all of that. What did him in, the next day? Steve choked to death on a cocktail cherry.

(See the rest of this list at


  1. Oh man! I didn't know that Michael Hutchence died while beating off! I always thought he just plain hanged himself. Eesh - all my 7th grade fantasies of him just got dashed into a thousand pieces!

    And poor Nick Drake! I thought he at least O.D'ed on good old-fashioned street drugs. Wow.

  2. This is an excellent list.

    What strikes me is how many of these "causes" are variations of the same thing - extreme self-neglect. Too busy chasing the dream (real or imagined) to brush your teeth, watch your diet, or wash the germs off your hands. Geez.

    Just shows that talent often excludes other characteristics, like um, common sense.

  3. Steve Peregrin choked to death on a cocktail cherry. Wasn't there anyone around to do the Heimlich on him? Done in by a little red fruit. How sad is that. I thought fruit was supposed to be good for you.

    Love the motivational poster of the day today. HA! :D

  4. I never got the Michael Hutchence death? Seriously, he had to resort to matrubating?

  5. Sandi, what? Only ugly people masturbate?

    Maybe pretty people learn to expect instant gratification all the time...

  6. Sandi probably meant because he was a rock star, not because he was nice looking, although the two are related.

  7. Yeah, I finally figured that out, although the guys who seem to get whatever they want always seem to want more...
    the way he checked out seemed to be in pursuit of a "bigger thrill" - like just the thousand or so girls he had on a string weren't enough... or maybe "room service" had gotten boring.
    who knows?
    but I feel sorry for the people he left behind.

  8. sadly in the band t rex, marc bolan was killed in a car accident. he was the passenger becaause he wouldn't drive because he feared a premature death. also mickey finn who replaced took in the band died from alcohol related liver disease.

    i had the biggest crush on marc bolan too.

  9. You could say they're all tragic, really. But this is a humor site so we don't roll like that. Good info, though.

  10. I think Andy Gibb's was associated to all his drug use. The viral infection attacked his heart, which was massively damaged by all his drug use.

    But we don't want him thinking he was a "rock star", do we?

  11. I thought the same thing, Hutch. Andy loved the blow, apparently.

  12. I'm with Bev. I thought Michael Hutchence was a suicide. I guess my young brain couldn't read between the lines.

  13. You know in all the ways the phrase "death by cherry" went through my head, never once did choking even come up?

  14. Thanks for the defense Cary, but I did mean only ugly people masturbate.


  15. What a pretentious wanker you are, you know fuck all about Nick Drake. Do you even know why he took the drugs? Maybe it was because the record company took all his money to an extent where he couldnt afford new clothes, let alone a house away from his parents. He never played live or did interviews because he found it hard to talk to people, and the month that he died he was the same month that he was left by the only real girlfriend he ever had.
    Just because he didn't choke on his own puke doesn't make him lame.

  16. I love it when people get their pantiest in a twist about rock stars SEVENTEEN FUCKING MONTHS LATER!!! And I guess that pointing out that this is from is a waste of time, so I won't. However, I will say that I'm a bit surprised that Bev was caught off guard by the Michael Hutchence news. I was so bummed by that. INXS KICK was my first concert ever and I thought he was hotter than donut grease.

  17. Masturbation - two kinds of people: those who do it, those who lie about it. Speaking of which, I see the Found Porn of the day has an interesting product. I'm guessing Frank buys the Costco-sized tub of it?

  18. Yep. On the shitter. That's just sad.

  19. I could reply now, but I think I'd rather wait till sometime in 2013 just so that I can have the element of surprise on my side. You wankers will never see it coming!


    Petrified Peen, Comment Ninja

  20. Yeah, woodwoman, I need a lot of it, because I'm so farkin' ugly.

  21. Blast from the past! Look how cute we all were back then.

  22. Oh and I see that Pete is taking his turn wearing the vigor panties today.

  23. I thought Andy killed himself, because he was so distraught over Victoria Principal breaking up with him.

  24. I had also heard that Andy G. had killed himself over Victoria Principal - I guess it was just a rumor. Definitely not a rock star though :-)

  25. Please don't be wankers. You might die of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

    Rock stars die of loneliness, the methods just vary.

  26. Lite-pop perpetrators? Sounds like someone doesn't really know who Kath was or what he was to Chicago.



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