Friday, August 21, 2009

Vid Of The Day: Turtle Lovin' (NSFW)

Holy crap, I've never seen a turtle move so fast. Get it, boyweeeee! Look at him go. She, on the other hand, might as well be watching golf on TV.

Later they told their friends about it:

His version: "Dude, I totally NAILED it. We fucked like rabid jungle monkeys. I bet she came 12 times." (High-fives all around)

Her version: "Oh. My. God. It was awful. He made these ridiculous noises. I thought it would NEVER end. Ugh."

From Nicole and Tara.




22 comments:

  1. That is the most awesome thing I have ever seen.

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  2. 1:02 killed me! That's the best O-face I've ever seen!

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  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!


    EHN! EHN! EHN! EHN!

    *three second pause*

    EHN! EHN! EHN!

    I literally have not laughed this hard in AGES!!!

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  4. I think Turtle Man is watching himself in a mirror. Look at him. Not even holding on. It's all about him.

    I. AM. THE. MAN!

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  5. Ninja Turtles, the later years, Donatello becomes a porn star.

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  6. Look ma, no hands! Anyone else think his little vocal cords looked like a naughty part?

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  7. Awwww. It cut off just before the money shot.

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  8. I'm with Brookie. Those cords look like they should be taking the money shot!

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  9. Huh. When she said I fucked like a turtle, I just thought she meant that I took my time. I guess it was the noises....

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  10. OMG! That made me blow iced tea out of my nose!

    The female is SO making out a grocery list in her head. I know that look. (Unfortunately so does my husband.)

    I'm with you fellers--that tongue is REALLY suggestive!

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  11. Okay, have to leave another comment. Was this the motivation for the sounds in the house when Forrest Gump's "daddy was on vacation?"

    I just watched Gump this week... fresh in my mind.

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  12. I take it back...THAT looks like my ex-husband.

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  13. What's the difference between a hooker, a nympho, and a housewife during sex?

    Hooker: "Well, that's it!"

    Nympho: "That's it?!?"

    Housewife/Turtle: "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige..."

    Thank you very much, ladies and gentleman, I'll be here all week. Be sure to try the veal.

    I have been in love with that joke for twenty years.

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  14. Oh, that was so horrifying in every way.

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  15. Was no one else totally impressed with the little guys determination? Slamming into that concrete step over and over again?
    Yeah, the vocal cords are a little suggestive... but who knew turtles made noise?!?
    BTW: the motivational poster of the day? Brynholio snarfed... and I know how she feels... some days.

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  16. Oh my gosh! My little poodle dog heard that noise and jumped up and ran around the living room trying to find out what was making it. HA HA HA HA! The Mr. there is probably the happiest turtle I've ever seen. HA HA HA!

    Love the joke, Liz C! Thanks for sharing it. :D

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  17. Okay, Cary that description was a a little unnerving...

    Do you have a camera following me around or something? Cause I swear I had a conversation just like that not two days ago.

    Really hoping the other end wasn't so exact though...

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  18. You think that's disturbing...my senior year in HS some of us went to the National Zoo in DC and happened to see two massive sea turtles mating. Y'know those little high pitched turtle noises these guys were making? Imagine it slowed down to about 11 rmp and much, much louder.

    And the whole thrusting action was about 10x as slow. Went on for about 30 minutes. The noise was so loud it could be heard across the zoo (and the National Zoo isn't small). A local news crew was called out. Made it on all the radio stations, not because two sea turtles were mating and there might be eggs...but because of the porn.

    Even now if I say to my friends who were there, "Turtle noise" there's an immediate shudder of revulsion. Some experiences mark you forever.

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  19. bow-chika-WOW-wow

    Yikes! Now I've got disturbing images of turtles dressed up like contractors or pizza delivery boys, delivering cheeky innuendo lines to aggressive TILFs before gettin' it oooonnnn...

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  20. Ugh. The sad thing is, this totally reminded me of a guy I once knew (briefly)(VERY briefly)...

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