Nicknames for some of my favorite retailers. Some I made up, others I heard. If I slam your favorite eatery or store, here's a tissue.
I hate the word eatery, btw.
Got some of your own? Speak up.
POTTERY BARN
Robbery Barn
APPLEBEE'S
Crapplebee's
Applebutt's
I'll Be Right Back With Them Salads (in honor of something an Applebee's waiter in Waycross, Georgia once said to us)
OLIVE GARDEN
Ketchup & Noodles
McDONALD'S
McSquat
Burp
Old McDonald's (what my kid called it when she was little)
KRYSTAL/WHITE CASTLE
Sliders
Colon Blow
WAFFLE HOUSE
Awful House
The Hungry Bastard (ask for some booger bread on the side)
TARGET
Tar-Jay
Heaven
PIZZA HUT
Pizza Slut
Pizza Butt
Pizza the Hutt
Cheese On A Cracker
WAL-MART
Aisle Of Cram
Hell
Always Screaming Babies. Always.
FUDDRUCKER'S
Pudfuckers
Buttfuckers
RESTORATION HARDWARE
Fistoration Hardware
SUBWAY
Suckway
Sandwich Artist's Colony
Blandwich
CHILI'S
Willi-Nilli's
BLIMPIE
Skimpie, Home Of The Air Sandwich
RED LOBSTER
Fish Stickster
BED, BATH & BEYOND
Bed, Bath and Bee-hind
DENNY'S
The Roach
Drunky's
TOYS 'R US
We Be Toys
HOME DEPOT
Yes, We Have No Banana (an inside joke between my wife and me because HD has catalogs filled with things they don't have in stock. You spend an hour picking out fixtures, then they tell you they no longer carry those particular ones.)
OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE
Steakback Outhouse
TACO BELL
Taco Hell
Taco Smell
Make A Run For The Toilet
JACK IN THE BOX
Yack In A Box
FRIDAY'S
Flair
ARBY'S
Barfby's
I'm Thinkin' Diarrhea
PUBLIX
Pubelicks
DIARY QUEEN
Dairy Squeeze
IN & OUT BURGER
In & Out Burger
DUNKIN' DONUTS
Drunken Dognuts
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94 comments:
WalMart = Wally World
My fiance likes to call Taco Bell= Toxic Hell
Jack in the Box = Jack in the Crack
Dairy Queen = Dairy Queer
white castle = porcelein city
Whole Foods = Whole Paycheck
Bed, Bath, and Beyond My Budget
Wal*Mart gets called Satan's Five and Dime around here.
Home Despot
I know I have more... I'll get back to you.
I always call Fuddruckers...Ruddfuckers. Interchangably. I forget which is the real name.
Jackin the Box is also... Jack in My Box.
My daughter called McDonald's Don's House until she was about 5. I told her that last week, and now she has resurrected the name.
Red Lobster=Dead Lobster.
My Whole Foods actually has a sign up saying something to the effect of "get more for your Whole Paycheck...."
Neiman Marcus is known as Needless Markups in our house..lol
Keva.. right, forgot that one. Remember Majik Market convenience stores? My friend called it Tragic Markup.
Taco Bell is always Caca Bell to us.
And ashe...seriously. I like that one. That's pretty much how we feel shopping there. We buy 6 items and the total comes out to 80 bucks. LOL
We've got a restaurant out here calle The Junction, and we all call it the Drunktion.
Toxic Hell, Puzza Slut, and Stoutback Achehouse...all good.
Red Lobster: Led Robster
Also, you forgot the rest of the Toys R Us one. Around here it's "We B Toys 'N Shit!"
Taco Bell: Toxic Hell
Jack in the Box: Jack in the Crack or Gag in the Bag
McDonald's: McYukko's
Johnny Rockets: Ronny Jockets
There's a BBQ chain out here called Armadillo Willies, and we call it Armadillo Swillies (it's actually pretty good)
Anybody remember the music chain called The Wherehouse? We called it The Whorehouse.
Safeway: Slaveway
Payless: Paymore
Starbucks: Starfucks or House of Burnt Coffee
The list goes on.
Walmart = Sprawlmart
AKA "watch out for fatties drivin' carts"
Stuart Anderson's Black Anus
and
Office Depot = Orifice Depot
"House of Burnt Coffee" - how true, Keeorp. Tried it once, never again. If I can't have what I made myself, I go without.
That should be In & Out Urge....
Scar
This one is courtesy of my smarta$$ husband:
Harris Teeter: Hairless Peeter
When I was a kid we were going to Fuddruckers and my mom accidentally called it Ruddfuckers and we have never let her live it down.
Bada Bing -- I had forgotten about Black Anus! Someone liked to shoot out the "G" in the sign at the local Stuart Anderson's all the time, so it literally read "Anus".
I forgot Home Depot: Home Despot
Neiman Marcus = Needless Mark Up
In Boston, Whole Foods runs a chain of grocery stores called Bread and Circus that we used to call Bilk and Shirk Us.
Starbucks = Stray Bucks
I'm glad I'm not the only one to have thought of Pube Licks for Publix. I love that place but that name just begs for ridicule.
My dad — a food Nazi who almost never let us drink soda or eat fast food — called Jack-in-the-Box "barf-in-the-bag."
When I worked at Montgomery Ward, my fellow part-time high schoolers in our department called it "monkey ward." And now they no longer exist. I think we may have destroyed it with our teenage sarcasm, and now I'm afraid to tell anyone.
I don't know why I capitalized Nazi.
Lowes = Slows
Harris Teeter = The Hairy Teat
Logan's Roadhouse = Rogan's Loadhouse
Waffle House = Awful Waffle (I looove that place!)
So if Toys R US is We B Toys, What is Babies R Us? We B Babies??
wholefoods = whole paycheck
au bon pain = urban pain
When I was a kid McDonald's was always referred to as Scarf and Barf. Not sure why.
Mcdonalds= Crapdonalds
Chuck-Arama = UpChuck-Arama.
McDonalds's = Rotten Ronnie's
Wendy's = Bendy's
Canadian Tire = Crappy Tire
Red Lobster = Red Runster
And we also it Pizza Slut or just "Slut" for short! :oD
Pottery Barn = Poverty Barn.
And my father is terrible about restaurant names. He frequently calls Outback "Outhouse" and Lone Star Steakhouse "Long Branch".
In the east Riteaid=Blightaid
Superfresh=Somewhatfresh
Stop shop and save=stop,slop and slave
Carefirst blue shield=careless blueballs
Steak and Shake = Steak and PUke.
Hardee's = Hard Ons
Wal-Mart = Sheltered Workshop
We call Steak n' Shake "Burp n' Slurp".
Come on! No one has mentioned anything for KFC??? My all time favorite name for KFC - Dirty Bird!
Starbucks = Charbucks!
coffee way too burnt for me too
The Taco Bell/KFC/Pizza Hut combos: KenTacoHut
McDonalds: Mickey D's
Wal-Mart = Fall Apart
Taco Time = Toenail Slime
Here's a story for you. My daughter was telling my mother about how we like to go to Tropical Smoothie on "Big Cup Night" (where you get a free upgrade to a larger size).
My hard of hearing mom, shrieks, "You went to a Topless Movie!?"
So now we of course Tropical Smoothie = Topless Movie
WalMart= WalFart
I'm stealing all of these.
My father consistently refers to Ruby Thursday's. The whole 60's/rock thing just swooshed right by him.
Penny Pincher markets we use to call Pinch a Loaf stores....
Home Depot is HOMO DEPOT because we're gay and go there and bump into our friends. A lot. Gays are so good around the house, ya know.
Pincher
Jack In My Box (but why?)
Gag In The Bag
Rotten Ronnie's
Charbucks
awesomeness
WalMart = HellMart or ChinaMart
My kids used to call McDonald's Old McDonald's too! We have a local pizza place called Snappy Tomato and my 17yo used to call it Snappy Potato LOL
McPoison
Kroger = Kro-zhay
The little Kroger at the end of my block had literally 8 aisles and 4 registers and was commonly referred to as the Ghetto Kroger. It's closed now. Then there's a larger one a couple miles up the street in a low-rent neighborhood my friend calls the Appalaichan Kroger.
Then there's the the independent grocery store that used to be called O'Malia's. They got bought by Marsh, and the name changed, though I often call it O'Marshia's.
Giant Eagle = Giant Pain in the Ass
Giant Eagle = Big Bird
Eat n' Park = Eat n' Puke
Bed Bath and Beyond = Bloodbath and Beyond
BP = Big Penis
This is a great POST!!!
Pizza Hut = Pizza Butt/Pizza Slut
Jack in the Box = Jack on her Crack/Jack in her Crack/Jack in the Crack
Wal-Mart = El Wal-Marr (Mexican accent used)
Taco Bell = Taco Smell/Taco Hell
Burger King = Burger Queen
Starbucks = Starfucks
Pei Wei = Gay Way
Bennigan's = Bend again's
Dunkin' Donuts = Dunk Her Donuts
Man, so many more...
Two more and I'll stop:
Whataburger = What a booger
Fuddruckers = Puddfuckers/Buttfuckers/Puddsuckers
Blockbuster Video = Cockblister Video
Thank you Angee - I was looking for KFC.
First job ever was there, back when they were still Kentucky Fried Chicken. We called it Kenfucky Dried Pigeon.
To this day, I do not eat fried chicken. Well, except for Chick-Fil-A, which I believe is made of heroin.
Starbucks = 5 Bucks
Kenfucky Dried Pigeon. Love it. I had a Chick-Fil-A just yesterday, but they put cocaine in the chicken, not heroin.
I worked at Steak & Ale in college. We called it Ache & Stale.
McDonald's = Chez Ronaldo
My parents always refer to White Castle as Rat Burgers or Ratty's for short.
To my mom, Steak 'n Shake= Shake 'n Bake
My grandma always called JC Penney's "Jacques Penn-ay."
Ryan's= The Hog Trough or Gluttony's
Olive Fartin' (it helps that an OG-lovin' relative is named Olive)
El Torito --> El Toe Reek-o
Arby's --> Our B.O.
Boston Market --> Bastard Market or Boston Fuck It
Smack-a-roni Grill
Hooter's --> Tooter's (hilarious if you have young ones)
PeiWei --> Puke Way
Ruby's --> Boobies
Applebee's --> Crapplebee's or Crap-n-barf
Jack in the Box = Jack in the Bejesus.
If you look at the sign, the "OX" in "Box" looks like a Jesus fish.
Hence the sacrilegious nickname that will send you to the fiery depths of Hell if you say it.
melissa h--oh wow, when we lived in LR we had a "ghetto kroger" too! and a "ghetto walmart". you went to either one only in the daytime, for the most basic and essential items. nothing fancy or quasi-exotic.
waffle house--waffle hut
popeyes chicken and biscuits--popeyes chicken and waffles
captain d's--captain disease
taco bell-long john silver's combo stores--fishy tacos
red lobster--red robster
heavenly ham--the dirty jew (so named because the "kosher" co-worker of mine would order ham sandwiches from there so his wife wouldnt catch him.)
Target = The Mothership
Costco = CostMoreCo
Potbelly Sandwiches = Porkbelly (lame, I know.)
Home Depot = Home Despot
KFC/Taco Bell combo stores = Colonel Sanchez
Wal-Mart = Wal-Marche
K-Mart = K-Marche
JCPenney = Jacques-Pennay
Subway = Scabway, in honor of the "sandwich artist" with the ginormous scab on her chin who prepared our sammiches one day
Jack in the Box = Jack in the Crack
Black Angus = Black Anus (partly because the G on the neon sign burned out)
Panera Bread -- Pantera, only because my late, great mother called it that because she thought that was its name.
Red Lobster = We call it Red Lobster, but you have to sing it like the B-52's "Rock Lobster."
And, yes, Keoorp, we called Wherehouse Whorehouse, too.
The Hubby calls it Applebutts as well WTF is up with that?
I like to refer to Cracker Barrel as Crapper Barrel
I remembered more as I hit send
Papa Johns = Poopy Johns
KFC = Tucky Chicken or Clucky Chicken
and Hannah calls our favorite Chinese restaurant The Rice House
Steak & Shake/Shake a Skank - ours is full of them
Red Lobster = Dead Lobster
El Chico's = El Cheapo's
Whole Foods = Ho Foods
Taco Bell = Taco Smell
Oh Cary, this totally made me think of the time my great uncle almost made me crash the family car.
He was in from out of town and I was tasked with picking him up at the bus depot. As we drove off into the afternoon traffic I asked him if he wanted me to stop off and get him something to eat.
"Do you have any Blumpkins around here?" he asked me, noting the WTF? look on my face.
I figured I must've heard him wrong, so I asked him to repeat himself.
"I said do you have any of those Blumpkins around here?" he asked me a little louder this time.
A little disturbed now that indeed I'd heard my 80 year old great uncle right the first time, I asked him to describe what he thought "Blumpkins" was.
And so he did.
Yeah, when I figured out he meant Blimpies, and that he wanted a sandwich, not a BJ on a toilet, I had just enough time to pull to the side of the road before the uncontrollable laughing jags started...
Blumpkins... awesome.
El Chico we call 'The Boy' and Chipotle was 'Chi-poodle' now we just call it 'The Poodle'.
Smokey Bones = Smokin' Boners.
(I work there.)
Target: Boutique Tar-zhay
K-mart: Came Apart
(Old) Country Buffet: (Old) Country Barf-et or The Ol' Chew and Swallow
I have a habit of changing the names of stores and restaurants so this blog is right up my alley.
Hobby Lobby = Hobby Slobby or the Slob
TJ Maxx = TJ Smaxx
Kroger = K. Roger
Barnes & Noble = Barnes & Schnoble
Penny Pinchers = The Pinch
The rest of the names have already been mentioned.
We live in a small town with two chain drugstores, Rite Aid and CVS. The Rite Aid store is just around the corner from us in our city block. The CVS, however, is several blocks away.
My younger son always got the two stores mixed up (this was quite a few years ago). Finally, he made up a way to help himself remember which one was which.
He said the Rite Aid was "right at his aid," but in order to get to the CVS, he had to "cross various streets."
So we still call them the "right at my aid store" and the "cross various streets store," of course. :)
Dairy Queen = Diarrhea Queen
A local infamous dive of a bar here in the Fl Keys is called "Paradise",
we call it "Parasite" as it fits the level of their clientele so well.
I could make everything on the Olive Garden menu better at home. Yeah, I said it.
Yack in the Box. That's what Steve and I always say. Del Taco also became Del Puko.
Most of the ones I use have been mentioned except,
Lane Bryant= Lady Giant
I forgot, my father-in-law calls Burger King "Burger Sleeze".
Robb & Stuckey (high-end furniture) - Rob & Fuck Me
Publix - Pubics
The fancy Harris Teeter in the Southpark neighborhood of Charlotte, NC - Taj MaTeeter
Sam's Wholesale Warehouse - Sam's Wholesale Whorehouse
Dairy Queen=Hairy Queen
Homey Depot - Don't go there after the street lights come on
Kanes and Walkers is what we call K&W Cafeteria.
Wal-Mart has always been Wally World to us (thanks National Lampoons!) "Sorry folks we're closed"
Eat 'n Park - Eat 'n Puke
McDonald's - McDicks or McPukes
K Mart - S Mart "Shop smart.. Shop S Mart" (Evil Dead)
Sheetz (gas station) - Schlitz
I forgot about Dunkin Dognuts
I am late to the game here (I hate when work gets in the way of my social life) but we always call K-Mart Came-A-Part.
We have a New Season's here - it's like Whole Foods. When we first moved here, I couldn't remember the name so I started calling it Nude Seasons. Just to remember, you know. :-)
El Pollo Loco - The Chicken Lock Out - there has been one here for over a year, and it still hasn't opened.
My 4 yo called Fuddrucker's "Fudgefuckers".
I worked there when I was 16 and called it Fuckrudders. I guess it's genetic.
Taco Belch and Booger Fling (Burger King)
I take offense to the Fuddrucker's one - it's called Ruddfuckers ;)
Also, Stop & Shop = Stop & Steal
I grew up in Minnesota, the home of Target. We called it different names depending on the neighborhood...
Target in fancy suburb: Tar-jey (with accompanying snooty French accent)
Target in the hood: Tar-ghetto (with accompanying gang signs and colors)
We also for a while had "Super Target" (which made me think of Super Grover) and Target Greatland...don't ask...
There were others, but I'm old and I forget...
My husband calls me Pot Pie with Kitten Meat. No story behind it.
A woman I knew had a kid who called Toys R' Us "Toys or Else".
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