Wednesday, April 22, 2009

12 Bad Pirate Jokes Of The Day

Or good pirate jokes, depending on your sense of humor.

12. Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It's rated AARRRRRR! Why? Because of all the booty!

11. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C

10. A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.

The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"

"Arrrrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

9. How did the pirate stop smoking?
He used the patch

8, What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no booty

7. A little boy with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate for Halloween.

At the first house a woman opens the door, and the boy says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?"

The woman looks at him and says, "My, aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?"

The boy gets angry: "On the side of my buckin head, you buckin idiot."

6. What was the pirate's name who had no legs or arms and fell overboard?
Captain Bob

5. What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say?

4. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting pirate.

3. Where did the one legged pirate go for breakfast?

2. Why are pirates called pirates?
They just aRRRRRRRR

1. A pirate enters the men's room, steps up to a urinal, opens his fly and out pops a steering wheel. The guys at the other urinals can't help but notice.

"Whoa," one says. "You have a steering wheel instead of a penis?!"

"Aye," says the pirate. "It's drivin' me nuts!"


  1. Love the dyslexic one. Actually, i like all of them. Will have to remember them!

  2. One of my favs as a kid was:
    What has eight legs and eight eyes?
    Eight pirates.

  3. The best pirate joke is too long to tell here, but some of you may know it: "Bring me my red shirt!"

    1. Bring me me brown pants lmao

  4. I'm gonna guess that Dumbledore over here>>>>>>
    was busted at the Phish show in Hampton last month.

  5. Hagrid, you mean, and that wouldn't surprise me.

  6. Yarrr, harr-harr harr.

    When is talk like a pirate day anyway?

  7. I thought it was in ARRRRRRRctober.

  8. The Pirate with the Bounty on his head needs a Sham-Wow. It will save him $20 a month.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. Best posting EVER, Cary! Everyone in the office wants me to just STFU already. Love it. Thank you.

    International Talk Like A Pirate Day is actually Sept. 19.

  11. Thanks, Christi.

    Frank - yes. I was trying not to give it away in case some had never heard it, but I don't have to worry about that now.

    Mitch - good point. Are they still selling those?

  12. Avast! Yearghhhh!

    Favorite pirate dialog:

    Captain: Argh, have you ever been to sea, Billy?

    Billy: No, Captain Hindgrinder, but I have been blown ashore!

  13. I may have laughing a little to hard at those

  14. I love puns. I'm a freak like that.

    I just looked up the red shirt joke. Har har.

  15. It's funnier heard than read.

  16. excellent. most of these I can tell to my kid. bonus!

  17. What do you get when you cross a pirate with a child-porn rapper??

    ARRRRRR Kelley!

  18. HA HA! Even when you know it's coming, it's still funny.

  19. Hmmph, Lefty stole my joke - sort of.

    Roger the Cabin Boy: Have you been blown ashore?

    Seaman Steynes: Arrr've been blown lots of places.

  20. My favorite is a long one, but here goes:

    A pirate with an eye patch, a hook, and a peg leg walks into a tavern and orders a rum. Curious, the bartender says, "You look like you've been through a lot of sea battles. How did you get the peg leg?" The pirate answered, "Arr, a cannonball blew me leg right off in the midst of battle!"
    "Wow! And how about the hook?" asked the bartender.
    "Arr, me hand was eaten by a shark on the high seas!"
    "That's amazing! And the eye patch?"
    "Arr, a seagull crapped in me eye."
    Confused, the bartender asked, "How can you lose your eye from seagull crap?"
    Replied the pirate, "Well, it was me first day with the hook."

    Ba-bum-tch! :D

  21. The louder the groan the better the joke I always say.

  22. why does the last one have to be about a pirate?

  23. Because if it wasn't there would onlyt be 11 Bad Pirate Jokes.

  24. Heh heh, Frank.

    But Anon makes a good point. I suppose the steering wheel should be a ship's wheel, but then, would "driving" be a fitting verb? Does one "drive" a ship?

  25. What do you call a used cigarette wearing a patch?

    A Butt Pirate

  26. me and the gals are being pirates for Halloween...any suggestions?

  27. Good luck tonight! I'm going to be one too! I just bought some boots and I will wear a red and beige patched tshirt, skull and crossbones bandana, a plastic sword anda homemade eyepatch! They're really easy to make :D

  28. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. ... its drivin me nuts!!! -dies-



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