Thursday, February 19, 2009

Cheesy Pickup Lines Of The Day

LOTD reader PrincessPi polled her workmates ("a bunch of dirty ho’s who’ve spend many hours in bars being hit on by drunken post-college frat boys") to come up with this list of pukeworthy pickup lines:

Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

That shirt is very becoming on you. Of course if I were on you, I’d be coming, too.

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.

Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy.

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

PrincessPi: "The following are for nerds only, because they need lurve too."

If you were a phaser, you’d be set on stunning.

I’ve heard Uranus rotates on its side. True?

Ever wonder what Earth looks like from the back of a Ford Explorer?

Hey, nice GUI. Want to integrate our matrices?

Nice Wifi. Wanna fuck?

What's the worst one(s) you've ever used or heard?

And from, cheesy pickup lines in various languages, so you can be a loser in any country.

"Do you come here often?"

French: Tu viens ici souvent?
Spanish: ¿Viene aqui mucho?
Italian: Vieni spesso qui?
German: Kommst du hier oft?
Dutch: Kom je heir vaak?

"How you doin'?"

French: Alors, ça roule?
Spanish: ¿Què tal?
Italian: Come stai?
German: Wie geht's?
Danish: Hva så der?

"Is it hot in here, or is it just you?"

French: Il fait chaud ici, ou c`est juste toi?
Spanish: ¿Hace calor aqui, o eres tù?
Italian: Fa caldo qui, o è perchè ci sei tu?
German: Ist es hier warm, oder bist du nur heiβ?
Swedish: Är det varmt här eller, är det bara du?

"Screw me if I'm wrong, but you want to sleep with me, don't you?"

French: Baise-moisi j`ai tort, mais tu veux cocher avec moi, n`est ce pas?
Spanish: Que me jodan si me equivoco:¿tù quieres acostarte conmigo, no?
Italian: Fottimi se mi sbaglio, ma vuoi venire a letto con me, no?
German: Ich soll verflucht sein, wenn ich mich irre, aber du willst doch mit mir schlafen, oder?
Dutch: Ik mag doodvallen als 't niet waar is, maar je wilt met naar bed, hè?

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?"

French: Que fait une gentille fille comme toi dans un esprit mal tournè comme le mien?
Spanish: ¿Que hace una chica tan maja como tù en una mente tan sucia como la mìa?
Italian: Che fa una ragazza perbene come te in una mente sporca come la mia?
German: Was macht ein nettes Mädchen wie du in so schmutzigen Gedanken wie meinen?
Danish: Hvad laver en pæn pige som dig i mine beskidte fantasier?

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

French: Si je te disais que tu as un beau corps, tu m'en tiendrais rigueur?
Spanish: Si te digo que tienes un cuerpo precioso,¿me lo restregaràs por la cara?
Italian: Se ti dicessi che hai un bel corpo, lo stringeresti sul mio?
German: Wenn ich sage, dass du einen tollen Körper hast, würdest du es mich spürgen lassen?
Thai (phonetically): Taa chan bok wa khoon mii roobrang tii som suan khoon ja yeng chan mai?

"That's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?"

French: Que belle paire de jambes, A quelle heure s'ouvrent-elles?
Spanish: Vaya par de piernas. ¿A què hora abren?
Italian: Che bel paio di gambe. A che ora aprono?
German: Das sind hübsche Biene—und wann öffnen sie?
Russian (phonetically): Haroshenikie nozhki, a kagda ani atkryvayootsya?

"That's a nice dress. It would look great on my bedroom floor."

French: Quelle belle robe. Je la vois bien par terre dans me chambre.
Spanish: Llevas un vestido muy bonito. Quedarìa precioso en el suelo de mi habitaciòn.
Italian: Che bel vestito. Andrebbe molto bene sul pavimento della mia camera da letto.

"My underwear is edible."

French: Mes sous-vètements sont comestibles.
Spanish: Mi ropa interior es comestible.
Italian: Le mie mutande sono commestibili.
German: Meine Unterwäsche ist essbar.
Hebrew (phonetically): Hatakhtonim sheli akhilim.

And, if any of these should actually work...

"I'm not sleeping on the wet spot."

French: Je ne dors pas sur la partie mouillèe.
Spanish: Yo no duermo encima de este charco.
Italian: Non dormo sulla chiazza bagnata.
German: Ich schlafe nicht auf der nassen Stelle.
Thai (phonetically): Chan ja mai non bon puen biaak.


  1. I had a friend propositioned in a bar by a girl who said she'd "make his dreams come true" - he asked her "Ah, you're selling Amway, aren't you?"

  2. Bastard. That kind of stuff never happened to me. I did have a date in college ask me if I was gonna "f*ck her brains out," but that's different, I guess, and she was wasted and dressed up as a nun (Halloween party), so I didn't take her up on the offer. Too weird.

  3. A pregnant nun, meant to say.

    True story.

  4. I remember one time at a bar this guy gestured to me to come over to him and when I walked over, he said, "I just made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand." Wow.

  5. Some one once told me, "Since you're here, I guess heaven must be missing an angel."

    Yeah, like the 70's song from Tavares. HA!

    Another time, some guy told me to give his compliments to my mother for having such a beautiful daughter. It didn't work on me though because I thought he was talking about my sister. Really, I did. I kept trying to figure out how he knew my sister who lived in another town. Later my roommate explained to me that he was referring to me. HA HA!

    Seriously, fellows, the direct approach is best. Throw away your list of cheesy pickup lines and just talk to the ladies. Say hello, tell them your name. Ask them what their name is. Just make conversation. It's not that hard to do.

  6. "Nice legs! What time do they open?"

    "How do you like your eggs? Fertilized?"

  7. I like the matrices one, but I'm really into smart guys. The one about the Ford Explorer is good, too, I think.

    I've had a few bad ones..
    "I didn't believe in God until I walked in here and saw you. Now I know I've seen an angel."

    "Girl, you send me..."
    WTF? The guy who said that seriously looked like Leif Garrett, feathered hair and all. Never mind that it was 1992.

  8. Oh wait, I had a guy try to get my attention on an elevator once by yelling out, "Hey Barbie! Barbie Doll!"
    Clearly the guy was nearsighted, as I look zero % like Barbie.

  9. I worked for a medical school and was out running errands on the campus. A car pulled up beside me and the guy asked if I was a nurse, to which I replied, "no." He then said, "Oooh whee! I need a nurse, 'cause you just gave me a heart attack."

  10. I had two guys approach a friend and myself one night.

    "Hi, we're Itallian"

    Yes, That's it. They looked at us expectantly like we were going to throw ourselves at them. We walked off without a word.

    This is in New Zealand btw.

  11. I've heard quite a few, but this one is my fave:

    "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
    ...Enough to break the ice.

  12. i just get the all too direct ones like 'nice cans', 'hey baybee, thems some sexy legs' and 'lets fuck'.

    o yea, bad grammer makes me so horny.

  13. Erena, what is the ethnic group primarily in New Zealand?

  14. You know, I think the phaser one just might work on me. I like being called stunning.

    But as far as pickup lines go, the closest I've ever gotten was an incredibly creepy 40-odd year-old Indonesion guy who followed me on my errands for half an hour, and then came up and asked if I wanted to be friends. When I informed him that I was fifteen, he didn't seem to mind. Euugh... I got some mace after that encounter.
    On occasion, I've had random guys just go "You're so fine..", to which I usually say "What?" and look around me in confusion. I'm so smooth.

    I think that if someone ever used a real pickup line on me, I'd be laughing too hard to slap him, which I gather is the accepted response. Well, that or throw my drink at him, but why waste good alcohol?

  15. Brad - NZ is 88% honky, if I'm not mistaken.

    CollegeGirl - don't be dissing 40-odd-year-old dudes, especially creepy ones. We need love too!

  16. Three Favorites:

    "Were you born on a farm? Cause, you sure know how to raise cocks."

    "There are 265 bones in the human body. How'd you like one more?"

    "The word of the day is 'legs' let's go back to my place and spread the word."

  17. How about these?
    "I love every bone in your body... especially mine."

    "Have you got any Irish in you? Would you like some?"

  18. Ah, the reason I asked is because I see a lot of foreigners in Singapore, and while I was in the Philippines, that seem to think that just because they're white they're guaranteed to land fine Asian booty. And, sadly, in the Philippines that's true more often than not. I've seen so many young Filipinas that look like they're barely 17 hanging on the arm (or sitting on the knee) of some crusty old bastard that could be her grandfather.

  19. I'm no Fred Flintstone, but i can make your Bed Rock.

  20. Two:

    1. Do fries come with that shake?
    2. Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day.

  21. Lines are for idiots and losers. I never used them. All I ever had to say was, "Yes, it's really me," and I was in like Flynn.

  22. Don't forget the classic "are your eyes bothering you? No, well the sure are bothering me!"

  23. "Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform?"

  24. I knew a guy with a boat named "After You." He kept a photo of it in his wallet to show off. He'd meet a girl in a bar and ask her name, then exclaim, "What a coincidence! I have a boat named after you!" And whip out the photo.



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