Friday, December 12, 2008

Commercials Of The Day: Reasons Not To Overindulge (video)

Since it's Friday, the timing is right. Let's be careful out there tonight, huh? I lose enough readers already just from my crappy posts.

Chuckles from Lola, who once woke up handcuffed to Nipsey Russell. You heard me. Nipsey Russell.



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Ribald James Bond List Of The Day (NSFW)

If the P word offends you, don't read this post.

This is an original list from LOTD reader Dylan, who writes: "You of course will recall the 80's James Bond cheesefest, Octopussy. Well, here are my top ten James Bond movie titles with one word replaced with pussy." I have added my own thoughts to each.

10. Quantum Of Pussy
You better bone up on your quantum mechanics, bub.

9. The Pussy Is Not Enough
Sure it is.

8. License To Pussy
"Damn! You got a license for that thing!?" said Bob, after a night of hot monkey sex with Sheila, then chuckled dorkily at his own lame joke. At that same moment Sheila decided that Bob would never again get anywhere near her Cave Of Delights.

7. Thunderpussy
Original title: Queef And Let Die

6. Pussyfinger
Nah, too easy.

5. Moonpussy
New slang for bad, cold sex? "Yeah, I screwed Olga, but it was serious moonpussy, bruh."

4. From Russia With Pussy
Aka The Maria Sharapova Story

3. The Man With The Golden Pussy
Post-op, one hopes.

2. On Her Majesty's Secret Pussy
Her majesty = Queen Elizabeth, so... ew.

1. The Spy Who Loved Pussy
The Spy Who Hated Crabs.


I'd like to add...

Pussyraker
For you au naturel types.

Live And Let Pussy
Don't be a cockblock, man

Pussy Never Dies
It just loses interest.

A View To A Pussy
"Drop the binoculars and come down from the tree with your hands up."

Pussy Another Day
Yeah, I've heard that one before.

Onion Story Of The Day: Managerial Jargon

From The Onion. Which is where Onion Stories Of The Day typically come from.

Manager Achieves Mastery Of Pointless Managerial Jargon

December 12, 2008 | Issue 44•50


CHARLOTTE, NC — During what was described to them as "a look-forward meeting to discuss and evaluate the company's event-chain methodology," MediaLine employees stood with mouths agape Wednesday as they witnessed the very moment at which project manager James Atkins attained complete mastery over the fine art of meaningless corporate doublespeak.

According to his awed coworkers, Atkins' usage of vacuous administrative jargon reached an almost mythical apex with the pre-lunchtime announcement, during which a string of expertly crafted drivel rolled off the 28-year-old's tongue with the confidence of a seasoned executive.

"Due to the increased scope of the project vis-à-vis Tuesday's meeting, compounded with our aforementioned desire to maintain quality without increasing cost, an as-yet indeterminate amount of time will be allocated to our newest venture," Atkins said without once stuttering. "You should all be proud of the amount of effort and energy you have put forth thus far, and can be certain the project's conclusion will become more apparent as the tasks become increasingly more finite."


(Story continues here)


Outstanding Link Of The Day: Let Me Google That For You

I've found the perfect solution for people who waste your time with stupid questions over e-mail.


Go to LetMeGoogleThatForYou.com

Type in a stupid question, hit return or click Google Search.

A link will be generated on the page. Roll your mouse over the link and click the GO button that appears underneath the link.

Brilliance!

Vid Of The Day: Babies Eating Lemons

A funny from CollegeHumor.com. I got these same looks in high school when I asked girls out.


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Come back tomorrow for Babies Eating Habaneros.



Birthday Cakes of The Day (NSFW)

A slightly different variety of birthday cakes from The Courteous Chihuahua, Princess Pi and Audra, and more.


From The Courteous Chihuahua:"I found
this picture on the internet and did this 40th b-day cake for a guy at work who had the pre-teen hots for Wonder Woman."


From Princess Pi, who writes, "The cake we got for my boss on his birthday, from a bakery called Masterbakers. This was the John Holmes model."



Well that's appetizing. "Just give me a small piece of rat. Thanks."


I think it says, "Have a roundhouse kick of a birthday party, Ori Booger."


Isn't 22 a little old for an Incredible Hulk cake? I wonder if they played Pin The Tail On The Donkey at his party.


Mom needs to lay off the Adderall


Football? Or the stitched-up face of a burn victim?


The cake looks awful but this is a clever idea


Another birthday in the IT department. 27 guys in short-sleeve dress shirts and clip-on ties.


Jamie Lynn's party was a huge success


But if you've been a good boy, maybe there's some pie waiting for you upstairs






Mom's true feelings about her son finally emerge.



And if you've already done the boob cake...


The episiotomy is an interesting touch. I guess this cake recently gave birth.

Below are two more from Audra: First, "
My sad sad rendition of a Wizard of Oz cake. I overestimated my decorating skills on my daughter's 4th birthday. I think I spent twice as much as I would have if I had just bought one. "



Audra: "My sister, her roommate and I named this the shit cake. It was a gift to her roommate from a guy who has a crush on her. It floated on a layer of oil. I touched it and I swear it bit me."



Kitty litter cake from Voronya. I'd have to smell it to be sure before I took a bite. It looks too real.


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My Yahoo Answer Of The Day: Stud Fee

Am I wrong?

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