Thursday, December 4, 2008
I saw this dog squeeze on VH-1 Classic this morning and was painfully reminded of the interminable suck that was Hall & Oates.
H&O are just creepy. All of them. Daryl Hall is creepy with that over-pomaded Jerry Lee Lewis mullet and his smug arrogance and creepy eyes. Oates has the creepy porno mustache, but he's like 5'2" so I doubt he's doing any porn except maybe the midget variety. And then that super fuckin' creepy guitarist of theirs.. the guy who was on SNL for a while. He gives me the willies even more than other 85 year old dudes with a ponytail.
The audience is terrific. I think they might be mannequins. I saw no movement from them until the end, when they provided a polite golf clap, most likely because the aural assault was finally over.
But it's not all bad. The art direction is wonderful, and not dated at all.
Funnies from Kelli T. and WeirdFortuneCookies.com (where you will find more of these)
Have you been talking to my wife?
Shit, there go my afternoon plans.
Ok, so if I do not follow the instructions, which are not to follow them, I then should follow them, right? But if I do so, then I'm back to not following them, aren't I? I'm so confused.
Welcome to El Paso.
Whew, at least I'm not emotional.
... two or three women telling him what to do and how to do it.
Sponsored by Jell-O.
That's exactly what Dad used to say.
Yes, please walk all over me.
Yes I am.
A handful of folks who need new pants because theirs burned up.
After his autobiography A Million Little Pieces became a bestseller, thanks in large part to Oprah Winfrey and her book club, researchers discovered that Frey had fabricated key events in the book.
After much controversy, Frey appeared on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" for the second time on January 26, 2006 and claimed that the "demons" that had driven him to abuse alcohol and drugs were the same ones that had led him to invent events in his autobiography. Said Oprah, "I feel that you betrayed millions of readers."
While working as a reporter in the late 1990s for The New Republic, Glass was exposed for making up facts in his stories. Glass had gone so far as to create fake websites and sources.
Glass' story was dramatized in the 2003 film, Shattered Glass, starring Hayden Christensen. The tagline for the movie: "He'd do anything to get a great story."
In 2003, the New York Times reporter was caught plagiarizing and making up parts of his stories. He resigned and published a book in 2004 called Burning Down My Masters' House: My Life at the New York Times. In the book, he blames his behavior on a battle with bipolar disorder and drug problems.
Washington Post journalist Cooke won a Pulitzer Prize for a story called "Jimmy's World," about an 8-year-old heroin addict. But Jimmy did not exist; the entire story was fabricated. Once exposed, Cooke resigned and returned the Pulitzer. She has since sold the movie rights to her story.
In 2004, USA Today correspondent and Pulitzer Prize nominee Jack Kelley was accused of fabricating stories and sources. He denied the charges and resigned.
The 42nd President of the United States lied under oath about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky and, in 1998, became only the second president in U.S. history (the first was Andrew Johnson) to be impeached by the House of Representatives.
The 37th President of the United States. After his administration was exposed in the Watergate scandal as being involved in illegal activities, including wiretapping and harassment of political opponents, Nixon lied about his involvement and tried to stop the investigation. He failed, and resigned in 1974 before he could be impeached.
A German baron who served in the military and returned home with tall tales about his adventures. He reportedly told people that he'd travelled to the Moon, ridden cannonballs, and escaped from a swamp by pulling himself out by his own hair.
His supposed adventures became the subject of many books. Over the years, the tales of Münchausen have become popular adventure stories told to children. In 1988, filmmaker Terry Gilliam adapted some of the stories into a movie called The Adventures of Baron Münchausen.
Two psychological disorders are named after him. Münchausen Syndrome is a disorder in which someone feigns illness in order to get attention. Münchausen Syndrome By Proxy is a disorder in which a caregiver (usually the mother) fakes or induces illness in a child or someone else in his or her care in order to gain attention and sympathy.
No wonder I can't lose weight.
Oh, they're fun all right.
Cheese. Any and all kinds.
Chips y salsa. Homemade salsa, not the Pace crap you see here.
Cold, hard and crunchy. The wholes are better than the halves.
Sweet Jesus I love me a biscuit or ten. Real biscuits. Not that shit in a can.
But only at the movies.
Potato chips. Any old kind, although now that I've gotten used to Baked Ruffles, it's hard to eat old skool chips.
What? Something semi-healthy? Yes. Not too ripe, though. Just past green. No brown spots.
Any Ben & Jerry will do, but this is my favorite. Cherry Garcia is 2nd.
Boiled shrimp. Just add lemon, butter, pepper and some ice-cold barley pop.
My favorite bedtime snack.
Yes. I like celery. There aren't many of us. My grandma used to stuff it with homemade pimento cheese, and it was heaven.
Walnuts. Best. Nuts. Ever. And, of course, the highest fat content of all nuts. Figures. I love them in cereal, oatmeal, cookies, you name it.
I. Detest. This. Song. And yet, I'm posting it. Why? I do not know.
Muskrats are rodents. I hate rodents. Rodents do only three things: shit, piss and breed. So when I hear a song about muskrat love, I don't picture two cute little cartoon characters nuzzling noses and kissing. No, I picture two nasty disease-ridden rats fucking in the crawl space under my house amid the 40,000 turd pellets they've left there and the stench of rat urine. Ah, romance.
Then Muskrat Sam, having finished porkin' Muskrat Suzy, starts to leave -- as men are wont to do after sex -- and says, "Thanks Suze, that was fun, but I'm gonna head back to the--THWACK!!!!" Oh, hey, he found the trap I left for him.
Sing with me:
Sam stepped on my trap
And my trap went WHAM!
No more kissin'...
Or shittin' or pissin'
I can only assume that the clip is from The Captain And Tennille Show, one of many variety shows of the day. Like all of them (except Carol Burnett), it was bloody awful. But we watched it and loved it because it was the 70s and we didn't know any better.
My thanks to The Courteous Chihuahua for posting this on her blog so I could steal it without permission.