Phones never rang before.
Monday, November 10, 2008
From an article on Forbes.com, excerpted throughout the list. Thanks, Tracie, for the link.
by Dan Lienert
One of the best episodes of The Simpsons is 1991's "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?", in which Homer discovers that his long-lost brother, Herb Powell, is the chief executive of a car company.
At one point in the episode, Powell (voiced by Danny DeVito) berates his staff for suggesting that the company name a new car "the Persephone," after the Greek goddess of reviving crops who was condemned to the underworld after eating pomegranate seeds.
"People don't want cars named after hungry old Greek broads!" Powell yells. "They want names like 'Mustang' and 'Cheetah'--vicious animal names."
The car names we like best, where the name not only best suits the car's nature but where it also sounds, for lack of a better word, "cool," include such automotive legends as the AC Shelby Cobra, Chevrolet Corvette, DeSoto Firedome, Dodge Viper, Lamborghini Diablo, Plymouth Barracuda and Rolls-Royce Phantom.
Some of the best names, such as the Ford Explorer, are utilitarian. At the time of its introduction, the Explorer was a radical new thing--and its functional name implied that you could take the vehicle off-road, a message that Ford wanted to communicate.
The Dodge Ram is another practical name given that it is a work truck. Calling it the "Horse" might not have been optimal, but giving it an animal name that doubles as a violent verb was a good move (the Ram is also Dodge's logo).
We have divided our list of the worst car names into two sections. The first concerns made-up names such as the Oldsmobile Alero and Chevrolet Lumina. They sound like Latin, but they're not really words as far as we know.
Then there are just inexplicable misspellings, such as the Chevrolet Luv truck. We know how to spell "love" if you want to spell "love," but "luv" is not a real word. Ditto for the Pontiac Aztek. Hey, literacy rates are bad enough. We don't need the car companies making it wurse...
The other set of worst car names are ones that seem to be a calculated attempt to play upon consumer class-consciousness and social insecurities. These names conjure images of country clubs and glamorous lifestyles, yet, for the most part, are cars that were targeted at buyers of more modest means. We doubt any celebrities ever owned a Chevrolet Celebrity station wagon.
Among the other cars we include in this group are the Buick LeSabre; Chevrolet Greenbrier; Chrysler LeBaron; Dodge Coronet, Crestwood, Diplomat, Dynasty, St. Regis; Ford Aspire; Lincoln Versailles; Pontiac Executive and Rambler Country Club.
The list of the weirdest names is dominated by Japanese automakers, who tend to endow their Japan-only cars with such delightfully puzzling names as Honda Motor's Life Dunk. Others that put a smile on our face are the Daihatsu Naked; Honda That's; Isuzu GIGA 20 Light Dump and Mysterious Utility; Mazda Bongo; Mitsubishi Delica Space Gear and Pistachio; Nissan Fairlady Z and Prairie Joy; Rickman Space Ranger; Rinspeed X-Dream; Suzuki Cappucino; Toyota Deliboy and Toyopet; Volkswagen Thing and Volugrafo Bimbo.
Another stink bomb from Sid & Marty Krofft, but kids don't care about production value. I remember watching this show on a Saturday morning with my buddy Scott Lindsey after I'd spent the night at his house. We talked about naughty stuff like sex and tampons, which Scott said women wore so that when they farted, it wouldn't make a noise. When I told my mom what he'd said, she laughed so hard she cried, which puzzled me.
And these are just the photos. Imagine the godawful music these cornholes make. Most of the photos from RockAndRollConfidential.com.
"Two in the pink and one in... no, wait... one in the stink and three in the... uh... shit.. "
"I will give you 18 American dollars to kill me."
"My pants itch."
Which one is Spinderfella?
Fact: There have been no successful brother and sister acts since The Carpenters.
"Wait. I thought you had the key."
Fifty bucks says these guys play Emo
"Boyz II Your Rooms.. NOW!"
"How come the studio makes us use the back entrance when all the other bands get to go in the front?"
Smell this. It's our new record.
Featuring Darryl "The Captain" Dragon on keyboards and Ann B. Davis on vocals
There are at least two guys in this photo receiving a "five feeler"
Sadly, Roger did not notice that Deandra was about to hork until it was too late. He can get another perm, but the pleather jacket is a goner
I always wondered what happened to The Human League.
It sure is hard to tell the Wilson girls apart since Ann got that gastric bypass surgery
Sex, drugs, and jeans shorts. Fuck yeah!
Undisputed: your band blows
The Cousin Its
Whoever they are, I bet they do "Gimme Three Steps."
Artie & The Hijinks made the company retreat a smashing success. Good fun and great music!
Topeka's only .38 Special and Genesis cover band!
"Where's that goddamn bus already?"
Ironically, Swab's amp caught on fire during "Smoke On The Water," killing them all.
"We're not the band. We're just here to paint."