People keep making them. You keep sending them. I'll keep posting them.
You can thank Reenie and Mark W. for this batch.
I hope none of those is Frank.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
You've won the lottery... or struck oil... or inherited a gazillion dollars. You're quitting your job and moving to the tropics (or wherever you said you'd go in the last QOTD).
What will your final words be as you walk out of your job for the last time? (And you want it to be good, right? So people will always say, "Lucy? Oh yeah, isn't that lady who said 'Eat my biscuit!' on her way out of here?")
Ask any actor if he'd rather play a hero or a villain, and most will choose a villain. Sometimes bad is just more fun.
From Maxim.com, a list of very naughty folks from TV and movies that we can't help but like. Shame on us.
ROGER STERLING (John Slattery) – MAD MEN
Roger Sterling is truly a slime bucket of the highest order. Not only does the heavy-smoking, philandering silver fox try to bed every broad he comes across (pun…intended? We´re not even sure), from his buxom secretary to his business partner´s wife to a kinky set of nubile twins, but he also doesn´t allow a three martini lunch or even a heart attack to stand in the way of a good time.
MONTGOMERY BURNS (Harry Shearer) – THE SIMPSONS
Long before Mr. Burns spent his days polluting Springfield and mutating its wildlife with the waste from his nuclear power plant, he was a cowardly infantryman, a would-be art thief, and an absconder of the U.S's sole trillion-dollar bill. A scoundrel of supreme proportions, and also our favorite Springfieldian.
IRWIN FLETCHER (CHEVY CHASE) - FLETCH
Fletch F. Fletch. Arnold Babar. Harry S. Truman. Mr. Poon. No matter what alias L.A.-based undercover newspaper reporter "Fletch" is using to BS his dim-witted opponents, you can bet your ass he´s damaging their personal property, sleeping with their wives, and putting country club lunches and Brazilian vacations on their stolen credit card. Want the number?
JACK SPARROW (Johnny Depp) – PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
A trickster by nature, Captain Jack Sparrow will use any means to escape a situation unscathed, even if that means ditching a woman, abandoning his crew, or trading 100 innocent souls for his own. Pretty despicable stuff, but if you consider the swagger and panache with which this wily pirate pulls off such spineless maneuvers, his actions almost seem admirable.
JACK DONAGHY (Alec Baldwin) – 30 ROCK
Arch-conservative Jack Donaghy doesn´t always fit in with the laid-back writers populating his television studios, but that doesn´t stop the old-school Ivy Leaguer from showing them who´s boss at every turn. Add a penchant for tuxedos (what is he? A farmer?), a creepy fetish for twentysomething Asian women, a red-faced Irish temper, and an unwavering commitment to cutthroat business ethics and you´ve got corporate America´s most lovable villain!
JACK (Thomas Haden Church) - SIDEWAYS
Just before getting hitched, Jack sets out on a Napa Valley golf/tasting trip with his old college roommate turned failed writer and wine aficionado (read: alcoholic) Miles. But somewhere between his first and second sips of Pinot, Jack hijacks the whole highbrow affair and turns it into one last sex holiday, sexin´ everyone from Sandra Oh to a fat waitress with a pissed-off husband. In the end he covers up the whole bout of infidelity and a broken nose by having Miles crash his car into a tree. Now that´s craftiness we can drink to.
RICKY SLADE (Vince Vaughn) - MADE
How does the big bumbling and broke Ricky repay best buddy Bobby for convincing his boss to send them to New York on a money-laundering mission? By transforming from a carpenter into a big swinging dick, letting his loud mouth, excessive partying, and womanizing get in the way of the job, and almost getting them killed. Ricky, a true gentleman if there ever was one.
PHIL CONNORS (Bill Murray) – GROUNDHOG DAY
No, we're not talking about the self-aware, I've-learned-the-meaning-of-life Phil Connors from the end of Groundhog Day, but the self-centered, egomaniacal Phil Connors when he first arrives in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Caught in a time-loop, Phil soon realizes he can live life consequence-free and promptly becomes an even bigger asshole, seducing women, stealing money, driving drunk, and even reciting French poetry to get in his innocent producer's pants.
ARI GOLD (Jeremy Piven) - ENTOURAGE
He insults his assistant's sexual orientation, treats his wife to a constant barrage of personal attacks, neglects his children, couldn´t give a shit about his client´s most trusted friends, and bombastically boasts about his fine academic pedigree — but goddamn if we don´t love the fast-talking, foulmouthed super agent, a man who would gladly sell his own daughter´s hair for Vince´s next movie deal.
DAVID BRENT (Ricky Gervais) – THE OFFICE
Ricky Gervais packed so much hilarious doucheness into middle manager David Brent during the original U.K. series' two-season run that it´s hard to cite any one particular example. Suffice it to say, any boss who sacrifices employees' jobs in favor of his own promotion and then follows that move by throwing an office party in his honor belongs on this list.
BUGS BUNNY (Mel Blanc) – LOONEY TUNES
Sure, he infuriates, irritates, and generally takes the piss out of everyone he runs into, but what really gives Bugs a special place in our dark hearts is his self-awareness; dude knows he's an asshole and he's damn proud of it. Or, to put it in his own words, "Ain't I a stinker?"
I would add to the list:
HANNIBAL LECTER (Anthony Hopkins) - THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
Articulate, brilliant and charming, he'd be almost perfect if it weren't for the homicide and flesh eating.
DR. CHRISTIAN TROY (Julian McMahon) - NIP/TUCK
Yes, he'll boink anything that moves, but Troy was molested as a child, rejected by his mother, and raped by The Carver, so you have to cut the guy a little slack.
MARGO CHANNING (Bette Davis) - ALL ABOUT EVE
"Fasten your seat belts. It's gonna be a bumpy night." Nobody messes with Margo.
DEXTER MORGAN (Michael C. Hall) - DEXTER
He only kills people who deserve it. And isn't there something life-affirming about a guy who truly enjoys his work?
FREDDY KREUGER (Robert England) - A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
His wit and sheer joy in slaughtering teenagers makes us want to tell killers like Jason and Michael Myers, "Hey, lighten the F up!"
SUZANNE STONE (Nicole Kidman) - TO DIE FOR
Not since Lady Macbeth has a woman known what she wants and gone after it with an enviable drive and single-mindedness.
HANS GRUBER (Alan Rickman) - DIE HARD
Maybe it's just the way he says "Mc...Clane" with that mix of venom and impatience, like he's talking about a child who won't go to sleep at night.
IRINA DEREVKO (Lena Olin) - ALIAS
She'll never win Mother of The Year, but Irina shows us where Sydney got her hots and her supreme ass-kicking skillz.