Wednesday, October 15, 2008

F'ed Up News Story Of The Day: BBQ Mom

"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world..."

Sheriff: Family cremated mom on BBQ, kept benefits

(AP)

Authorities say relatives of a deceased Tehama County (CA) woman cremated her remains on a makeshift barbecue and continued collecting her retirement checks.

Ramona Allmond's daughter and grandson were arrested Sunday on suspicion of embezzlement, elder abuse and disposing of a body without a permit, among other charges. They are being held at the Tehama County Jail in Red Bluff on $30,000 bail, with arraignment set for Thursday.

Sheriff's Capt. Paul Hosler says the 84-year-old Allmond likely had died of natural causes, though investigators are still trying to determine the cause of death.

Hosler says her daughter, 50-year-old Kathleen Allmond, and her grandson, 30-year-old Tony Ray, told investigators they left the body on her bedroom floor for a week before cremating the remains in their backyard fire pit. They then covered the pit and remains with soil and planted a tree on top, according to investigators.

Detectives say the daughter also fashioned a two-inch piece of her mother's skull into a necklace. Hosler said Ray took a photograph of Kathleen Allmond wearing the necklace, as well as a beaded wire tiara that she believed would ward off radio waves, to post on a social networking Web site.

"It gets really weird when you have a piece of mom's skull hanging around your neck," Hosler said.

Investigators said they kept collecting her monthly retirement checks amounting to more than $25,000 since the elderly woman died in December.

Deputies arrested the pair after the dead woman's son asked deputies for a welfare check because he had not heard from his mother since December. Hosler said his suspicions were further aroused last week when he called and Kathleen Allmond pretended she was the 84-year-old woman.



Here's the loving grandson. He seems so normal.


My Yahoo Answer Of The Day: Dad Doesn't Want A Vacation

Yeah, I know. See you in Hell.

(Click pic for larger view.)

Stunt of The Day: World Record Trampoline Jump

The best part is the replayed "Loke me do sanja di prite!" or whatever the fuck he's saying.

I bet the learning curve sucks for this kind of thing. Imagine if he overshot it.

From Greg in Saskatoon. Domi arigato, Greg-san.


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Animorphs Of The Day

Whoa. Photoshop wackiness from Kris and HumanDescent.com. I had an uncle who looked like an owl, but he's got nothing on these.

Check out the site; they have tons more.


Doggit


Squicken


Mouzard


Dogird


Penger


Taprus


Moof


Squeep


Rabbog


Dogen

Fake I.D. Of The Day

Supposedly from an actual traffic stop. Kudos to the cops who spotted this clever forgery.



Pic from Bubbasmom. Thanks, beyotch!

Classic Music Video Of The Day

Great song, and that's one bad-ass motherfuckin' FRO!

Thanks, Izzy, for the link.



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From Wikipedia:

In addition to his successful, Grammy-winning career as a solo artist, Billy Preston collaborated with some of the greatest names in the music industry, including the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Nat King Cole, Little Richard, Ray Charles, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, Sly Stone, Quincy Jones, Sam Cooke and Aretha Franklin.

Preston is the only non-Beatle to receiving billing as an artist alongside the Beatles (as distinct from receiving credit as a session musician on album packaging) on an official Beatles record release. The label of the Get Back single credits the artists on the record as "The Beatles with Billy Preston." He played the Fender Rhodes electric piano and the Hammond organ on the Get Back sessions in 1969.

He died on June 6, 2006 in Scottsdale, Arizona, of complications of malignant hypertension that resulted in kidney failure and other complications.

12 Words That Sound Dirty But Aren't

Definitions from Merriam-Webster Online.

PILFER (v)
ISN'T: puffer, poofter, piffer
IS: to steal in small quantities

WONK (n)
ISN'T: a person preoccupied with beating his meat.
IS: a person preoccupied with arcane details or procedures in a specialized field

SYLPH (n)
ISN'T: an abbreviation for a sexually transmitted disease
IS: a slender, graceful woman.

BOFFIN (n)
ISN'T: the thing you got caught doing in high school in the back seat of your car
IS: a scientific expert, especially one involved in technological research, who was probably working on a science project in the high school lab while you were doing that thing in the back seat of your car.

FILCH (v)
ISN'T: felch (no link; if you don't know what it is, trust me, you don't want to know)
IS: to steal furtively or casually

BINDLESTIFF (n)
ISN'T: an erection
IS:
a hobo who carries his belongings in a bundle, often at the end of an erect stick.

QUINCUNX (n)
ISN'T: the arrangement of 483 folds of skin, protrusions and crevices otherwise known as the vagina.
IS:
An arrangement of five things in a square or rectangle with one at each corner and one in the middle.

PIEBALD (adj)
ISN'T: an absence of pubic hair on a woman
IS: composed of incongruous parts or different colors

VULNERARY (n, adj)
ISN'T: Anything related to the vulva or "axe wound" (slang)
IS: Something used or useful for treating wounds.

SUCCOR (n, v)(pronounced "sucker")
ISN'T: a person who gives you sexual relief
IS: relief or something that provides relief

NICTITATE
ISN'T: Anything to do with a tit or lactation.
IS: To wink.

SEAPUSS (n)
ISN'T: Sex in the ocean.
IS: An underwater current; a swirling undertow.

What are some others?

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