Tuesday, October 14, 2008

My Yahoo Answer Of The Day: Romantic Movie

I didn't win Best Answer this time, but perhaps she will take my suggestion anyway. It's a fine film, and much better than The Notebook, which was the winning answer. Pfffft.


Halloween Party Invitation Of The Day

Just got this in my e-mail. I'm so there. Totally worth a flight to L.A. Who's in? Spinderfella, I know you are. Who else? Any Women of LOTD?

Classified Ads Of The Day

Some you've seen, some you haven't. From Traci, Bubbasmom and Rebecca. Thanks, y'all.











































Creepy Vintage PSA Of The Day: Mr. Yuk

I don't remember this one, but Mel does, and says, "It creeped the hell out of me as a kid. The little perusing I have done as to the origins revealed that it was developed to replace a skull-and-crossbones as a deterrent for drinking poisons — apparently there were some kids who thought the symbol meant that it was a drink for pirates, and, well, pirates are cool! There’s more info on Wikipedia here.


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Be sure and check Mel's Video Concert Hall blog for lots of the grooviest vintage music vids you'll ever see... some of which I intend to filch for LOTD (that's filch, not felch). Mel and Lefty also run Our Tube, another site with excellent vintage vids: commercials, music vids, show opens, etc. Good stuff all around.

The 9 Most Unnecessary Greatest Hits Albums Ever

Good stuff from Cracked.com.

I've added some Honorable (?) Mentions at the end, too.



A greatest hits album is an artist's testament to a long and prolific career. Or at least it would be, if it wasn't for the fact that pretty much anybody can release one, regardless of how few hits they actually have to their name. As evidence of this, we give you...


9. THE BEST OF VANILLA ICE

The window of time in which the world actually gave a shit about Vanilla Ice was maybe a year, max. But as adored as he may have been for 52 weeks in 1990-1991, he was absolutely fucking hated a million times more for about ten years after.

Best Moment:
How do you pick just one?

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"If you decide to buy this CD, wait patiently by the mail box till it arrives. Upon arrival, quickly open the box, then pull the security tape from the jewel case. Open the jewel case and place the CD in one hand. Break the CD in half, then slit your wrists with the remaining shards. As you begin to die look at your reflection in the mirror-like surface of the broken CD, and ask your self what you were thinking when you ordered this CD!"


8. THE BEST OF NELSON: THE MILLENNIUM COLLECTION

The second sentence of Nelson's Wikipedia entry perfectly sums up the total lack of need for this "best of" collection to even exist: "They had a No. 1 hit in the United States with "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection" during the week of September 29, 1990." Yep, for one fucking week, these dudes were kings!

Best Moment:
"Won't Walk Away," an about-as-awesome-as-Nelson-will-ever-get pop-rock cheese fest that answers the age old question, "what would it sound like if The Replacements were gang raped by Styx?"

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"Nelson's powerful melodic sound was the logical follow up to the Journey/Foreigner/Loverboy arena rock sound of the 80's. NELSON ROCKS! There, I said it."


7. AARON CARTER: MOST REQUESTED HITS

Fact: kids have shitty taste in music. They don't know any better. In light of this, we don't care how many "hits" this kid may or may not have had as a result of catering to the 8 and under demographic (we didn't check). We are grown folks talking about grown up shit and we say this kid makes the list. Most requested hits? Requested by who?

Best Moment:
"That's How I Beat Shaq," in which a 15-year-old white kid tells his friends how he met Shaquille O'Neal on a playground and schooled him in a game of one on one. In the end though, it turns out to be a dream! Aw hell naw! We didn't see that coming, yo!

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"A greatest hits collection from the greatest EVER!!! A.C. gets his props as all of his illustrious hits are presented in Dolby 5.1 surround sound!!! WORD. Don't sleep on Aaron Carter, although the omission of "Stride (Jump on the Fizzy) is inexcusable."


6. THE BEST OF COLOR ME BADD

Color Me Badd actually had 5 top 20 singles between 1991 and 1992. Hell, a couple of them even made it to #1. So why shouldn't they have released a greatest hits album? For starters, try naming one of those top 20 singles that isn't "I Wanna Sex You Up." On a slightly unrelated side bar, Wikipedia notes that for the band's fourth album, Now & Forever, "sales were well below those expected from the group, with initial sales of only 32 units in the U.S." There are no sources cited, and that could be a typo, if not, that's the saddest damn thing we've ever read.

Best Moment:
We really can't say enough about "Sexual Capacity." If ever a pan flute was used with sexier results, we'd be astounded. We were kind of shocked just to hear one being used somewhere other than a Zamfir: Master of the Pan Flute commercial or a Kung-Fu flick, actually.

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"Some nights before I go to bed, I say my prayers and simply stare at my gorgeous self in the mirror. I thank the heavens I look like I do and ask for things like a White Lion reunion tour or Grim Reaper at my four year old's birthday party. Usually, my requests go unanswered. That was, until this CD came out."


5. TONE LOC: WILD THING AND OTHER HITS

Drop the "s" off the end of the album title and release it as a two track CD single featuring "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina" and you'd have a perfectly legitimate Tone Loc greatest hits collection. Notice that the title "Wild Thing & Other Hits" suggests that somebody is afraid people may have forgotten the name of "the guy who sang 'Wild Thing' back in the 80's." That's probably a valid concern.

Best Moment:
When Vanilla Ice stole the bass line from Queen's "Under Pressure" for his sole hit "Ice Ice Baby," he was taken to court. Tone Loc did the same thing twice on almost equally huge songs. "Wild Thing," which sampled Van Halen's "Janie's Cryin'" and "Funky Cold Medina" which sampled Kiss' "Christine Sixteen," both without permission from the respective bands, resulted in zero lawsuits. Further proof that the world hates Vanilla Ice.

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review (Tie):
1. "Loc's production was ultra-smooth and he had lyrical help-- "Funky Cold Medina" and "Wild Thing" are still some of the smartest (and funniest) lyrics in rap, and were penned by none other than Will Smith (the Fresh Prince)."

2. "This guy who typed that Will Smith penned wild thing and funky cold medina obviously does not know what he is talkin about. They were written by Young MC."


4. BRUCE WILLIS: MASTER SERIES

Soulless, borderline-offensive-to-the-genre blues songs performed by rich white men are an art form loved by dozens. Bruce Willis (or Bruno, as he's called by graying douchebags who prefer their blues served with a heaping side of financially stable) actually has FOUR best-of collections. Ultimately, we settled on "The Master Series" because of the awesome title and super gay album cover.

Best Moment:
At the 2:03 mark of an up-to-that-point less-than-lively rendition of "Under the Boardwalk," Bruce unexpectedly shouts "Yipee-ki-yay mother fucker!" and launches into a searing blues rock guitar solo. Ok, not really. There are no good moments to be found anywhere on this CD.

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"according to me this record is a very good one because of his very well managed sound and ability to resume in an only one record so much good musiC!"


3. FOREVER MORE: THE GREATEST HITS OF JOHN TESH

As sketchy as our memory tends to be, we would still probably recall if there was a time when John Tesh was tearing up the pop charts, kicking the likes of Prince and Madonna to and fro with his killer synthesizer riffs and complex wind chime arrangements.

Best Moment:
The scarily titled "One World." With its march of war percussion and tension filled strings, if this isn't the theme song to an alien invasion, we don't know what is.

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"ONE WORLD--Do I spot allusions to X-FILES?"


2. THE BEST OF YOUNG MC

Putting an actual musician with a huge hit and stone hip-hop classic to his credit ("Bust A Move") ahead of the likes of Hudson Hawk on a list of the most ridiculous greatest hits albums of all time may seem like a curious choice, but this is as far from a greatest hits or best of collection as it gets. In fact, "The Best of Young MC" is really just his first album with a different title, a different album cover and three fewer songs. You heard me: three fewer songs.

Best Moment:
At this point, we don't have the heart to make fun of Young MC anymore. The best moment is "Bust A Move."

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"In the song "Bust A move" Young MC makes a song that might be one of the greatest Hip-Hop songz of all time. He was also one of the first Black Man to ever be on the top of the charts, also Tone Loc. "my Name is young" is another one of Youngs greatest songs where he talks about who he is, and why his rap name is Young MC and that is cause his last name is Young and he also says that when he started he was Young (10 yrs Old) so they called him Young MC."


1. THE BEST OF SHAQUILLE O'NEAL

It's not that Shaq didn't have a lot of hits; it's that he didn't have any hits. None. Have you seen Kazaam? It's better than every damn song on this album. Despite this lack of success, Shaquille O'Neal was the basketball rap pioneer who paved the way for every baller with a shoe contract and a dream to release an album in the mid to late 90s, eventually leading to the doomsday scenario of "K.O.B.E.," a lyrically retarded single by Kobe Bryant featuring Tyra Banks. Thanks, asshole.

Best Moment:
"Biological Didn't Bother (G-Funk version)," a love song dedicated to the dude who married Shaq's mom, set to the type of mid-90s west coast hip hop groove normally reserved for far less gay topics. Inexplicably, it's on the album twice.

Most Awesome Amazon.com User Review:
"Usually people are only lucky enough to be given one truly great talent. Shaq was blessed with two. In fact, he's even better at music than basketball. The songs on The Best Of Shaq move me - some to the point of tears. This Best Of will hold a special place on my cd shelf - right next to The Best Of David Hasselhoff. My only wish now is that Shaq's next album will be one where he just does love songs. It could be called "Love Shaq."

HONORABLE MENTIONS:


Who?


The Stones, yes. Mick solo, no.




Who?




The "best of" Crash Test Dummies is the silence we heard from them after "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm" finally went away.


There is no such thing as "essential" Don Johnson.


Side 1: "Mmmm Bop" (extended version). Side 2: "Mmmm Bop" (live)






Who else belongs here?

F'ed Up News Story Of The Day: Former Mr. Gay UK Eats Lover

Well this is nice. I would've broiled instead of fried, but hey, to each his own.

Thanks, Michael, for the link.
I added a few comments of my own below.

Former Mr Gay UK 'slit lover's throat then marinated his diced flesh with fresh herbs'

By Chris Brooke
08th October 2008

A gay chef murdered his lover, cut out part of his leg, seasoned it with herbs and fried it, a court has heard. (They did not hear whether or not it tasted like chicken.)

Anthony Morley, 35, chewed one of the pieces before throwing it into his kitchen bin. (Dammit, this stove overcooks everything.)


Morley, a former holder of the Mr Gay UK title, then walked to a nearby takeaway restaurant and told horrified staff: 'I have killed someone, call the police'. ("And give me a #4 and a Diet Coke to go.")

Officers found the naked body of 33-year-old Damian Oldfield on the floor of Morley's bedroom, Leeds Crown Court was told. He had been stabbed 20 times and his throat cut.

Morley later claimed Mr Oldfield had tried to rape him.

Prosecutor Andrew Stubbs QC, warned jurors that details of the case were 'unpleasant and disturbing.' (Ya think?)


And in other death news today, Ohio has executed the death row inmate who argued that he was too fat to be put down. I guess they found a vein after all.

5 Roles Ricky Gervais Turned Down


From Entertainment Weekly, five big projects that funnyman Ricky Gervais ("The Office," Ghost Town, "Extras") says he was offered and declined. Rumors persist that Gervais is being courted to host next year's Oscar ceremony.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2
Gervais passed on the chance to share the screen with Johnny Depp, saying,
"I didn’t want to sit in a Winnebago for six months waiting to show up as a comedy pirate for two minutes."

The Da Vinci Code
Ditto to costarring with Tom Hanks in this 2006 Ron Howard thriller.
"I’m going to pop up and people are going to go: That’s the fat fellow from "The Office"! Who the f**k does he think he is?"

Star Trek
J.J. Abrams approached the comedian about his franchise reboot, due next summer:
"I was never a big fan, so I would’ve felt guilty taking the part just to be in a blockbuster. To what? Boost my profile?"

Arthur remake
"I said 'no' straight-away," Gervais says about an offer to star in a new version.
"Why would I mess with a perfect comedy? They know people don’t watch films that have the wrong font — it’s got an ’80s font."

"Magnum P.I." movie
Gervais wouldn’t say which role was offered, but we’ll bet it rhymes with "Figgins." "I don’t want to be the funny butler…because [roles like that] do no good. I just keep walking away."

If you aren't familiar with Gervais, here's a short clip from his stand-up.


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A clip from the original BBC version of "The Office," the precursor to the American version. Gervais plays David Brent, that show's version of Steve Carell's Michael Scott. (NSFW)


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And, for TotalBlammBlamm, a clip from "Extras"... Gervais (as sitcom actor Andy Millman) meets rock god David Bowie. Brilliant and hilarious.


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