Saturday, October 4, 2008

News Of The Day: O.J. Seeks Government Intervention

From the always humorous Borowitz Report.


O.J. Seeks Bailout


Juice: Incarceration Would Hurt Cable Nets' Bottom Line


Minutes after being convicted of robbery and kidnapping in Las Vegas, former football great O.J. Simpson said he would seek government intervention, claiming that his imprisonment would cost the nation's cable news networks untold billions of dollars.

"My three trials have generated billions of dollars for the cable TV industry, not to mention the tabloids," Mr. Simpson told reporters outside the Las Vegas courthouse. "All those billions go away if I go away."

Mr. Simpson made his case for the government bailing him out of jail, arguing that as long as he is a free man he is likely to become involved in other criminal cases that could generate much-needed television revenue.

"As long as the Juice is loose, there's no telling what trouble I'll get into," he promised. "And that means one thing to the TV networks: cold hard cash." The former Heisman Trophy winner said that with the nation's economy teetering on recession, the U.S. could ill afford "putting a major financial asset like O.J. Simpson out of circulation."

"You'll see, the cable networks will miss me, and their bottom lines will show it," he said. "They can't keep reporting about Lindsay Lohan being a lesbian forever."

At the University of Minnesota's School of Law, professor Davis Logsdon said there is "a valuable lesson to be learned" from Mr. Simpson's conviction: "Apparently, in America it's easier to get away with murder than stealing sports memorabilia."

Saturday Links

My thanks to you, my readers, for these groovy links.

A pig says "oink," right? Not necessarily. Click this link and discover how children in other countries mimic animal sounds. Link from Lolly.

In real life, it's usually best to stay out of other people's disagreements. But on SideTaker, you can read about a real-life argument and weigh in on who you think is right. A great time-waster for the opinionated.

Shoes for youse: get thee to the Virtual Shoe Museum, home of weird and ugly footwear. Link from Karen.

If you love the men in your life, ladies, you will show them this site. Even Regan uses it.

Cool 3-D wall art from Spinderfella, the art major.

If these photos don't touch your heart, check to make sure you have a pulse. The Olympics you didn't see, from Wendy in CA.

Finally, from Leisa, a personal ad that you really hope is fake, because this mo-fo will never have another date as long as he lives. I'd love to see Reenie get hold of this guy and shake him around like a dog with a snake.

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