They still don't have a sense of humor over at Yahoo Answers. I got this e-mail earlier today.
Yeah, I know, schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder are two different things, but most people equate the two, so it's a solid joke. Stupid Yahoo.
You have posted content to Yahoo Answers in violation of our Community Guidelines or Terms of Service. As a result, your content has been deleted.
Community Guidelines help to keep Yahoo! Answers a safe and useful community, so we appreciate your consideration of its rules.
QUESTION: Can a person who is schizophrenic get a good paying job? (A friend of my son is schizophrenic).
ANSWER (Deleted): Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
VIOLATION REASON: Not a Question or Answer
If you feel this content was removed in error, please contact Customer Care and tell us why.
Yahoo! Customer Care
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
They still don't have a sense of humor over at Yahoo Answers. I got this e-mail earlier today.
From Berit and HolyTaco.com
1. Trying to impress people with your DJ skillz
2. Asking stupid questions that delay the end of class
3. Jerking off while your roommate is trying to sleep
4. Expecting a blowjob because you threw a party in your dorm room
5. Trying to impress girls with fisting jokes
6. Two karate courses do not make you Bruce Lee
7. Dancing like the whitest man on the planet
8. Hiding the last beer
9. Joining the diving team
10. Lying about the size of your penis
11. Bragging that you are the lord of the dance
12. Thinking "raise the roof" is still cool
13. Constantly showing everyone that you could totally pass a sobriety test
14. Showing up to a party empty-handed
15. You are surrounded by a visible stench cloud because you have not done laundry in six weeks
16. Standing at the door and asking everyone for keg money
I love this video. It's like a primer on bad late 80s/early 90s music video clichés. I stopped counting at 72; how many can you spot?
I'll give you one, and it's my favorite: the slideshow scene where the gang laughs and drinks beer and reminisces about all the great times they've had... oh remember that... hardeee har har har... high-fives all 'round... until the shot of Dennis' old squeeze comes up, and the room falls eerily silent. So dramatic. WTF, she died on the Challenger or something? Jeez. So she dumped your ass so she could start bangin' some other dude. Get over it.
On a side note, my wife absolutely ABHORS Styx (the band Dennis De Young fronted for many years, for those who didn't know). They're one of my guilty pleasure bands leftover from the 80s, but nowadays I really only listen to their CDs so I can see the Mrs. foam at the mouth. She can tolerate "The Best Of Times" or "Blue Collar Man," but I daren't play "Come Sail Away," "Babe" or anything from the Pieces Of Eight LP without a running start, or she will bash my motherfarking head in.
Dennis DeYoung - Desert Moon
A great list/article from Spinderfella and MuchMusic.com.
I don't necessarily agree with all of the sentiments here, especially about The Dixie Chicks. Yes, I suppose they ignored their audience when Natalie bashed Bush, but the punishment was much worse than the crime, in my opinion.
We've all come in contact with that drunken guy at the party (hell, perhaps you've been that drunken guy) who corners you and makes you listen to a song that's "changed his life." Because music has this ability to affect its listeners, its creators of said music are often idolized. This fan worship can often go straight to the musicians' heads, and can cause them to do things that suck.
Here are some of the things that musicians have done to cause outrage and scorn among listeners, and which, if you get right down to it, are pretty asshat things to do.
Listen, we get that crap happens, and that the odd show cancellation is unavoidable and completely understandable. But, if Kanye West can perform a show ONE WEEK after his mother died, we don't want to hear any of your hangover/laziness excuses. (I'm looking at you Justin Timberlake. Clearly, the Smirnoff Ice has, once again, proven to be too much for you.) See also: Avril Lavigne
REFUSING TO PLAY OLD HITS
There's a reason that you're popular, and it's because you've written some songs that make the people's hearts sing. So, really, most of us don't care how many times you've sung that same old song, if we want to hear "Like A Virgin," then dammit Madonna, you best be playing it. See also: Radiohead - "Creep."
LETTING RECORD DISTRIBUTORS CONDUCT PISSING WARS WITH YOUR MUSIC
Digital Rights Management (DRM) is content protection software used to lock up digital media. Instead of stopping pirated copies, it interferes with the legal usage of your purchased music. So, really, although this isn't technically the artists' fault, the only losers in the whole scenario are the fans. If we want to have the CD and the mp3 we have to buy the music twice. Screw that noise. Musicians should be putting the kibosh on this whole situation, and figure out a new way to distribute their music so their fans stop getting the short end of the stick (like Pearl Jam did with Ticketmaster...ah love). Thank God the music industry is now offering some DRM-free options. See: Nickelback
RETIRING EVERY YEAR
Often fans pay a lot more money to see a show when they know it's the "last" tour. If you continue to have a "last" tour every two years, frankly it gets to be a little annoying. It gives the impression of being a tad money-grubbing, and let's face it, most of the time you aren't improving your sound at all (In fact, it might even be on the decline). Sometimes, it's a better idea to just put the horse out to pasture. See: Celine Dion, Cher, Jay-Z, 50 Cent
BEING RIDICULOUSLY EGOTISTICAL
Thinking that you're the greatest thing since sliced bread is fine. Continually reminding anyone who will listen is not. When Noel Gallagher from Oasis said, "With every song that I write, I compare it to the Beatles. The thing is, they only got there before me. If I'd been born at the same time as John Lennon, I'd have been up there," I think we all grow a little purple with rage. See also: Kanye West, Axl Rose, P. Diddy, Brandon Flowers
Can I just ask what the hell happened to Aerosmith? I mean, "Dream On," "Sweet Emotion," "Same Old Song and Dance"...genius. Then we get "Don't Want to Miss a Thing." What the hell is up with that? Listen - experiment with your sound, do what you got to do to mix it up a little, but don't become complete and utter wussies. How might you know if you've become wussies? When your biggest fan base switches to soccer moms and wedding singers, you just know that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong. See also: Bon Jovi, Rob Thomas
IGNORING WHO YOUR FANS ARE
Nothing pisses your fans off more than when you say or do something that is contrary to some of the cores of their beliefs. For example, whether or not Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks was correct in what she said about George Bush, the fact is that a huge number of her fans were southern, Republican and extremely patriotic. Sooo, of course they were going to get riled up. Musicians have just as much right to free speech as anyone else, but if you want to keep your album sales up, do a little research into the likes and dislikes of your fans. See also: Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears
Everyone should get paid for their work, but there's no need to be obscene about it. There are some artists that charge ridiculous amounts for tickets to see them in concert (i.e. Barbara Streisand has charged $2,500 for certain shows). Hello? That's the price of an old car or a mortgage payment or two. See also: Madonna, Miley Cyrus
BECOMING USELESSLY WASTED BEFORE A SHOW
As Amy Winehouse has proved time and time again, it's not a great idea to get so inebriated before a show that you can't perform. Fans tend to get a little angry when they've paid a lot of money to see a show, and the musicians in question makes a fool of themselves on stage. We're not there to watch a drunken ass grope blindly around the stage, cause if we wanted that we could have gone to any bar and seen that show for free. See also: Pete Doherty
If there's one thing Metallica knows how to do really well, it's raising the ire of their fans and of music lovers everywhere. Metallica is considered to be mostly responsible for the shutdown of the beloved Napster, and in fact printed out a 60,000 page document of all users sharing their songs. Lars Ulrich became the spokesperson for the RIAA, and frankly, annoyed the crap out of people everywhere. Metallica now plans to sell some of their music on the internet, but it's not really receiving a very positive response as people have long memories.
Photographs by Getty Images
There's a joke here somewhere, but I haven't had enough Diet Pepsi this morning to come up with it yet.
Thanks, Aries, Mike D., Amanda and Jason, for the link.
Woman Wearing Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct
MIDDLETOWN, OH -- A Middletown woman is accused of being disorderly in public -- while wearing a cow suit.
A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.
Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.
Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway.
The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol.
The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit.