Thursday, July 24, 2008

Photo Of The Day: Ruined

Now THAT'S photobombing. From Nikki.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Yard Pooper

From D.

To my neighbor who I saw pooping in his yard yesterday - w4m


Date: 2008-06-05, 2:52PM EDT


I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.".

Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police.

Movie Of The Day: The Onion Movie

Did you know about this? I wouldn't have, except for an e-mail from a marketing company offering me clips to post. I love The Onion, so what the hell, although this looks only sorta funny to me.


link

The airport here in Atlanta has smoking rooms on every terminal. You've probably seen them, since I think every flight in America now goes through Atlanta. The rooms have big glass windows and just look like a smokers' hell in there... 87 people crammed into a tiny smoke-filled room, puffing away pathetically. I always thought it would be funny to get a Grim Reaper costume and just go stand in the corner with my scythe... not move, not say a word, just stand there. Or maybe light one up myself. Of course, the second-hand smoke would probably kill me. How funny would that be? The smartass in the Grim Reaper costume drops dead in the smoking room.

Ok, might as well pimp the thing as long as we're here. Every product you buy here puts about 90 cents toward the making of this blog.


20 Products To Traumatize Your Infant

From LOTD reader Todd and Cracked.com. My favorite is the Snot Sucker.



Raising a baby is a tough gig. "Experts" declare at every turn that the wrong decisions on nutrition, napping or enrichment will render your child emotionally barren, homeless, sexually deviant and, worst of all, short. It's no wonder child rearing products are such a huge industry. Here are 20 products perfect for developing little tykes ... into adults who want to murder their parents.

ZAKY INFANT PILLOW



The Zaky Infant Pillow will simulate your touch to soothe your child into rest, provided the baby is accustomed to being palmed by disembodied sausage-fingers.

They are weighted to remain firmly positioned, which is useful to parents who don't want to baby's first memory to be, "The time mommy's massive foreman hands mercilessly pinned me down"

BABY KEEPER



This is a dangerous idea. Not because it looks unstable or poorly constructed, but because its utility is too seductive.

Once the parent realizes how freeing this is, it will never stop with bathroom breaks. Want to vacuum? Slap that squirming bundle of modern art up on a closet door for a few minutes! Not enough room for the groceries and the child safety seat in the car? Use those hooks on the bumper and make an impromptu side car!

SWIMMING NECK RING



This product, previously named My First Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Trainer, appears to be primarily designed to protect the baby's head in the event of shark attack.

O’PAIR BABY LEASH



This is a great way to teach your children "I trust you exactly none." Think of it as a renewed umbilical cord designed to transfer shame instead of nutrients.

Note: this product is NOT recommended for joggers. That's a mistake you'll only make once.

THUDGUARD HELMET



Helmet jokes are too easy and, frankly, a little unfair. Babies learn to walk with a drunken stagger that invariably gravitates towards peril in all directions. A little protection is sensible enough while they are too young to be scarred by it (babies don't develop the shame gland until 18 months).

DADDLE



Sure, you could provide "horsie rides" without it, but then you wouldn't have a baby toy that doubles as an accoutrement for submissive sex play.

Not many kids toys come with the advisory "Don't leave children unattended with this toy. Also never forget your safeword."

HAMBURGER BABY COSTUME



Technically speaking, wouldn't this be a veal costume?

MANUAL SNOT SUCKER



Take the time to fully sterile the equipment before every use. You will also want to budget some time during use for letting the waves of nausea pass when you realize what you're collecting in that straw.

When you feel pressure inserting the tube, stop promptly. If you notice the child cannot move the left side of its body when you apply suction, you've gone too far.

HER FIRST HEELS



Coming soon: Her First Drunken Bar Encounter and Her First Awkward Morning After. Collect all three!

Tart Her Up, LLC. cannot be held accountable for any swing in sexuality associated with putting these on your son.

MAN BOOBS



From the instant any man dons this apparatus he can count on deeper bonding with his child, getting paid 25% less to do the same job as other men, and being grossly objectified for his sweet, sweet ass. On the flipside, he'll probably never have to buy his own drinks again.

BUCKTOOTH PACIFIER



Not only is this unspeakably cute, it comes with additional benefits as well. This gift will encourage random people to point and laugh at your baby, the one individual who isn't in on the joke.

This will help educate your baby on the soul-crushing bleakness that this world will rain upon them through the whole of their painful, pathetic lives. It's a small price to pay to have your baby wook wike a widdle bunny-wabbit! Awwwww!

For the rest, see the full list at Cracked.com

Vid Of The Day: Triumph in Hawaii

Kicked out of American Idol auditions, Triumph finds a new place to play.

link

13 Cool Ways To Lace Your Sneakers

From Spinderfella and YouSayToo.com.


1. The lace is run straight across the bottom and emerges through both bottom eyelets
2.
The laces then go straight up and are fed into the next set of eyelets up the shoe
3.
The ends are crossed over and are fed under the vertical lace section on the opposite sides of the shoe before going straight up and into the next set of eyelets up the shoe
4.
At the top set of eyelets, the laces can once again cross over and pass under the straight section as shown. This not only looks consistent with the rest of the lacing but also forms a High Lace Lock, which tightens the lacing even more firmly.


1. The lace is run straight across the bottom and emerges through both bottom eyelets
2. The ends are looped back under the lace where it feeds under the side of the shoe
3.
The ends are then crossed over each other, then they go under and out through the next set of eyelets up the shoe
4.
Steps 2 and 3 are repeated until both ends reach the top eyelets.


1. The lace runs straight across the second set of eyelets from the top of the shoe
2.
Cross the ends over and feed into the fourth set of eyelets, skipping the third set
3.
Continue down the shoe, two sets of eyelets at a time
4.
At the bottom, run the laces vertically between the bottom and second from bottom eyelets
5.
Double back and work your way back up the shoe through the vacant sets of eyelets.


1. The lace is run straight across the bottom and emerges through both bottom eyelets
2.
The left (red) end is spiralled up the left side of the shoe, with the end fed under and emerging from each eyelet
3. The right (orange) lace is spiralled up the right side of the shoe, at each eyelet looping through the left (blue) lace in the middle of the shoe before feeding under and emerging from the next eyelet.


1. The lace is run straight across the bottom and emerges through both bottom eyelets
2.
One end of the lace (orange end) runs straight up the right side, is fed into and runs straight across the second set of eyelets
3.
Both ends now run straight up the left side, each skipping one eyelet before feeding in two eyelets higher up
4.
Continue running both ends across the shoe, then straight up two eyelets at a time
5. At the top of the shoe, the laces end up on the same side and the shoelace knot is tied at that point.

For the rest, see the full article

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