Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Comedy.com Links Of The Week

Good stuff from my pals over at that funny website.

5 New Ways To Mess With People Using Your Cell Phone

7 Worst Real Names For Varieties Of Medicinal Marijuana

What Your Facebook Relationship Status Really Should Be

Is This The Worst Story Ever About Giving A Guy Your Phone Number?

9 Places On Earth We’d Most Like To Do It

Craigslist Ad Of The Day - Mature Roommate Wanted

A good one from Velma66. Unspoken last line of ad: "And after you add me to your will, I will smother you with a pillow and tell your family that you died peacefully in your sleep."

ARE YOU A NICE ELDERLY PERSON?


Reply to: hous-706483876@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-03, 4:13PM

Ever since I was a little girl I have always been closer to older people than my peers. So now I’m looking to move in with an older person, preferably with a rent controlled apartment.

If your spouse has recently died and you’re lonely, I’ll come and keep you company. We’ll have so much fun together. You’ll tell me stories about horse and buggies and I’ll tell you about airplanes… just kidding you’ll probably know about airplanes.

See I even have a sense of humor.

Here let me tell you about why I’m inquiring about this odd situation. I am a 21 year old struggling actress, and I hate living with a bunch of people. I’m OVER living like an over grown college kid. However I don’t have a good enough to job to live where I want with whom I want.

Here’s where you come in, with your cheap rent controlled apartment and your hopefully mature ways of living. I’ll help you with what ever you need, grocery shopping, picking you up new glasses, picking up the mail, and you can trust me to house sit while you visit your daughter/son in their nice suburban home in New Jersey.

I’m not a party animal and I don’t have a boyfriend… that’s a long story well get into that later! So you never have to worry about strange people in your apartment.

Maybe after we become super close best friends you may want to add me to your lease for my birthday, so when you finally follow your daughter/son’s advice to retire down to Florida, you know you have a place to stay when you come to visit.

And why waste rent controlled-ness, its so rare… and it’s totally like passing an heirloom!

Well I hope to hear from you soon!

Nicole
  • cats are OK- purrr
  • dogs are OK- wooof
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Vids Of The Day: 3 Star Wars spoofs

Speaking of Flashdance...


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From Laura


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From my archives...

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80s Music Video Of The Day: Rock Me Tonight

Melissa sends this and says, " A couple of years back, a friend and I caught this video on VH1 Classic, and were in tears by the end. The best part is the ripping of the shirt."

I just wish I could un-watch this thing. Ladies, if there are men in the room, especially little boys, make them leave now. This video will just confuse and frighten them.



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The Five Unsexiest Women Alive

From Maxim.com. They read my mind.

5. Britney Spears

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Filling chicken-grease-stained sweatpants on the cover of every trashy tabloid and gossip blog on the Internet

Why She's Unsexy: Less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs. Since then, she´s lost the ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of Funyun pudge.

4. Madonna

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: On tour, at the Wailing Wall, in the pharmacy´s menopause aisle

Why She's Unsexy: After building a personal fortune on Top 40 pornography, Madonna traded pioneering sexuality for, like other old Jewish women, self-righteous bellyaching and rapid post-nuptial deterioration. Combine a Paris Hilton–like pet accessorizing fetish only for dirt-poor foreign babies with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull, and you´ve got Willem Dafoe with hot flashes.

3. Sandra Oh

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Grey´s Anatomy

Why She's Unsexy: Sandra "Oh shit!" The only thing worse than a show about doctors is a show about sappy chick doctors we're forced to watch or else our girlfriends won't have sex with us. We're holding Dr. McSkinny, with her cold bedside manner and boyish figure, personally responsible.

2. Amy Winehouse

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Onstage, offstage, and in the tabloids after cleaving herself and her husband

Why She's Unsexy: When we first heard this chick boast about her reluctance to go to rehab we thought, Now there´s a girl we can party with! But upon beholding her openly hemorrhaging translucent skin, rat´s nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats, we were the ones screaming, "Nooo, nooo, nooo!"

And lookee here who they picked for number one. My favorite ...

1. Sarah Jessica Parker

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Everywhere

Why She's Unsexy: How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with "sex" in the title? Pull your skirt down, Secretariat, we´d rather ride Chris Noth.

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